Quotations for people who can laugh at the fact that nothing's really funny

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The world was made for people who aren't cursed with self-awareness. - Bull Durham, screenplay by Ron Shelton

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it. - Art Buchwald

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. - Lily Tomlin

You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave. - Quentin Crisp

Life is like a B-Grade movie. You don't want to leave in the middle, but you don't want to see it again. - Ted Turner

The problem with the global village is all the global village idiots. - P. Ginsparg

The organization of American society is an interlocking system of semi-monopolies notoriously venal, an electorate notiously unenlightened, misled by a mass media notoriously phony. - Paul Goodman, as quoted in The Return of the Portable Curmudgeon

The whole world is a scab. The point is to pick it constructively. - Peter Beard

I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. - Charles Schultz

Life is a hospital in which every patient is possessed by the desire of changing his bed. One would prefer to suffer near the fire, and another is certain he would get well if he were by the window. - Charles Baudelaire

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, pee in it, and serve it to the people that piss you off. - Jack Handy, Deep Thoughts

One is born into a herd of buffaloes and must be glad if one is not trampled under foot before one's time. - Albert Einstein

Democracy is an abuse of statistics. - Jorge Luis Borges

The saddest life is that of a political aspirant under democracy. His failure is ignominious and his success disgraceful.

If a politician found he had cannibals among his constituents, he would promise them missionaries for dinner.
- H. L. Mencken

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.
Liberty is being free from the things we don't like in order to be slaves of the things we do like.
- Ernest Benn

Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is a good thing. Fleas are interested in dogs.
- P. J. O'Rourke

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