Shouting is the New Spanking

My wife and I would absolutely love to adopt, but having to agree to use no spanking kind of killed it for us. How can I help show kids the true way to live without being able to set boundaries and enforce them in a manner that doesn't include sitting in a chair for a few minutes. We came to the conclusion that we just couldn't do it. I'm glad that you are going to go through with it anyway, and personally wish I had the strength to attempt it that way. My how the times have changed.

My Grandparents always had foster children and finally adopted a 12 year old girl after my dad and uncles were out of the house. When they went before the judge he asked my Grandpa how he would discipline Mary. Grandpa told him, just as I figured he would, "I will spank her when she needs it just like I did my boys, but never with anger in my heart".

The judge awarded my Grandparents custody of Mary and gave her a wonderful home. Of course that was in about 1969 or so...I'm afraid that wouldn't be the case these days.

I saw this once on a T-shirt: "I yell because I care."

Okay, I guess I am up for a serious post on this issue now. I agree with you that most parents nowadays are too worried about whether they are doing the job right...and I confess I am among them. I don't spank anymore, mainly because I am concerned that it might eventually escalate into abuse, but yes, sometimes I shout and dole out consequences (such as loss of computer and TV) without any warning whatsoever. What I try not to do...I try hard not to make remarks to them that are sarcastic and cutting, because I believe this inflicts psychological damage. But sometimes a jarring of their perception is what needs to happen--that's why I yell or cut off their beloved technology without an ounce of warning.

I have to admit that I am surprised at the number of folks that seem to know much more than I on this subject...so my idea is that I am going to find one of you and dump my kids at your house for a week while I get away from it all.

Overall, I also try to teach values like compassion, liberty and independence, but still, on a day to day basis it's hard to figure out how they are going to turn out. At least I don't try to keep my political views a secret from them...I am hoping the little acorns didn't fall far from the liberty oak:)

Experience hath shewn, that even under the best forms of government those entrusted with power have, in time, and by slow operations, perverted it into tyranny.
Thomas Jefferson

The truth is that everyone that I know that uses the method you described has the same result: obedient, happy kids... and sane parents.

Good intention, but you are not teaching your son to listen to you the first time you speak. He should not wait until you escalate. Tell him once, and spank him if he does not obey.

I remember being fairly disciplined, but always taught the reasons behind why an action was wrong. I think that has made me a better, more responsible, and more mature person.

"There is no news. There is only the truth of the signal. What I see. And, there's the puppet theater the Parliament jesters foist on the somnambulant public." - Mr. Universe, Serenity

thesomnambulantpublic.blogspot.com

not exasperating their children, and it is not as easy as it may seem.

-I favor extending to Israel the same honest friendship that Jefferson and the Founding Fathers urged us to offer to all nations. ...This means I also favor discontinuing foreign aid to governments that are actual or potential enemies of Israel,--Ron Paul

Ha, that was how my dad was too. If you met him, he is just this real gentle soft spoken guy, then I'd do something and the hard eyes and stern hand would be there to draw the line in the sand.

Nobody ever believes me after they meet him...

I think that this is the key. It's what my dad set for us, and it's what my wife and I set for our daughter.

I also agree with Demolay that taking the time to understand the reason why the child is acting in ways that violate the boundaries is inseparable from the act of discipline. Understanding helps you to show the reason why the consequence came about, an answer of " I said this and you shall not behave in this way!!!" doesn't suffice if you don't give the reasons for it. Whether a child can verbally respond on your level as an adult is a moot point, kids are as smart if not smarter than you are and they understand as much as you are willing to teach them. Without consistency they will see flaws in your logic.

Raising a child is as much of an act of self introspection as it is a matter of understanding the child in front of you. You learn by what worked for you and what didn't, then you apply that to your child. If you are a responsible parent then a spanking is a responsible manner in which to react to the situation that the child presents because you take stock of your child's personality, and react accordingly. Which means if a stern reprimand is all that is needed, then that is fine. I can guarantee that there are quite a few kids out there that need more than verbal castigation loud or soft. Case in point, my wife thought my daughter could be dealt with via time outs and soft speak, and I let her approach it in her way, until she realized after getting clocked in the eye by said child, that it simply doesn't work that way with every single kid in the world.

God I sound like I'm 80 years old (no disrespect meant to the octogenarians in the pack).

Good post BeaReady, sorry if that was a bit long.

Edit: By the way, my daughter didn't learn to smack people via the environment her mother and I set for her. I know that may be contrary to the thinking of some, but hey, anomalies pop up everywhere in this world.