Please critique Iowa letter to Iowans
Submitted by 1440 minutes on Sun, 12/09/2007 - 22:42As a fellow American, I'm writing out of concern about what is happening to our country.
I have two wonderful children in their 20s. My daughter just completed law school, and has over $100,000 in debt. My son works hard everyday to make a living. I worry about what kind of legacy we are leaving them.
The United States of America owes about $9 trillion to other countries such as China and Saudi Arabia. That means that our country owes $30,000 for every man, woman, and child in our country. The national debt grows every year. I don’t want to leave this huge debt to my children.
There is only one candidate for President of United States who seems to face reality. Dr. Ron Paul realizes that our federal government cannot continue spending money at such an alarming rate.
Dr. Paul's prescription starts with our nation's foreign-policy. Did you know that half of our federal budget involves keeping troops in 700 military bases in 140 countries around the world? Our nation keeps troops in wealthy countries such as Germany and South Korea that can easily afford to defend themselves. Isn't it time that we bring our troops home to defend our own borders, and let these wealthy countries defend themselves. That's Ron Paul's plan.
In 1975 and 1976, I spent three semesters of college in Paris, France. At a party that I attended with my girlfriend, a fight broke out between two French male students. Foolishly, I stepped in and tried to break it up. I'm not sure why I did that; maybe I wanted to impress my girlfriend. (That girlfriend is now my wife of 30 years.)
Anyway, as I tried to restrain the combatants, one of them blindsided me and knocked me out cold. For months afterward, the president of our dormitory council, who happened to be Haitian, teased me incessantly. He said that my actions were typical American -- hurting myself by intervening in a conflict that was none of my business.
His teasing annoyed me then, but I didn't understand. Now I get it. I see his point.
If the USA went back to minding its own business in world affairs, we would save trillions of dollars over the next decade, and we would be safer from terrorist attacks. How do I know? It's simple. The citizens of Switzerland are armed and ready to defend themselves. However, they do not get involved in other nations' affairs. Terrorists do not attack Switzerland. If the United States of America stopped intervening in other countries' affairs, then evildoers such as Osama bin Laden wouldn't be able to convince people to kill Americans. U.S. citizens would be as safe as the citizens of Switzerland.
With Dr. Paul's policies, we could kill two birds with one stone. We could save trillions of dollars during the next decade by minding our own business. And we could be safer than we are now. Imagine saving enough money to safeguard Social Security, paying down the national debt, and cutting taxes dramatically. That's Ron Paul's plan.
Speaking of Osama bin Laden, Dr. Paul is the only candidate who has a plan to get him. Dr. Paul has discovered a provision in the Constitution that will all allow us to pursue the mastermind of September 11.
In ten congressional terms spanning more than 30 years of service, Dr. Paul has the most consistent voting record on traditional conservative issues of any presidential candidate. Yet, the good doctor has never had an original idea of his own. Everything he has ever done is based on the U.S. Constitution. If the Constitution does not allow the federal government to perform a function, then Dr. Paul automatically votes against it. Dr. Paul voted against the War in Iraq. He consistently votes to uphold our God-given rights as granted in the Constitution. He has never voted for a tax increase. He is rocksolid.
I strongly hope that you will caucus for Dr. Paul in January. Our nation's future is at stake.
Please Contact Me
I have some suggestions, both as a professional copy editor and as a fellow letter-writer to Iowans. E-mail me at sovereign@hushmail.com
Nicely done
Most people agree with everything Ron Paul stands for, and once they get past the "manipulation" that is being hyped on them, perhaps, they'll vote to restore the Constitution, and America. My concern about Iowa, is that it is probably a very heavily Federal subsidized farm State, and folks don't want their entitlements on the table.
alan laney
Revised letter to Iowans
Thanks for the input. I used a lot of it.
I added a paragraph about character at the end. Does it disrupt the flow?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As a fellow American, I'm writing out of concern about what is happening to our country.
I have two wonderful children in their 20s. My daughter, who just completed law school, has over $100,000 in debt. My son works hard everyday to make a living. Unfortunately, no matter how careful my children are with their money, they are inheriting a huge national debt. If you do the math, the $9 trillion national debt means that every man, woman, and child owes $30,000 to foreign countries like China and Saudi Arabia. I do not want to leave my children like this.
Only one candidate for President of United States -- Dr. Ron Paul -- seems to realize that our federal government cannot continue spending money at such an alarming rate.
Dr. Paul's prescription starts with our nation's foreign-policy. Did you know that half of our federal budget involves keeping troops in 700 military bases in 130 countries around the world? Our nation keeps troops in wealthy countries such as Germany and South Korea that can easily afford to defend themselves. Isn't it time that we bring our children home to defend our own borders, and let these wealthy countries defend themselves. That's Ron Paul's plan.
In 1975 and 1976, I participated in a junior year abroad through Central College in Pella, Iowa. At a party that I attended in Paris, a fight broke out between two French students. Foolishly, I stepped in to try to break it up. Maybe I wanted to impress my girlfriend? (She is now my wife of 30 years.)
Anyway, as I tried to help, one of the combatants blindsided me and knocked me out cold. For months afterward, the student president of our dormitory council, who was the son of a Haitian diplomat, teased me incessantly. He called me a typical American because I got myself hurt by intervening in a conflict that was none of my business.
His teasing annoyed me then, but now I see his point.
If the USA minded its own business in world affairs, we would save trillions of dollars of our children's money, and we would be safer from terrorist attacks. Case in point. Terrorists do not attack Switzerland. The citizens of Switzerland are armed sufficiently to defend themselves, but they do not interfere in other nations' internal affairs. If the United States of America stopped intervening in other countries' affairs, then evildoers such as Osama bin Laden wouldn't be able to recruit people to kill Americans. Americans would be as safe as the Swiss have been for many centuries.
With Dr. Paul's policies, we would save trillions of dollars and we would be safer, all by minding our own business. Imagine saving enough money to safeguard Social Security, pay down the national debt, and cut taxes dramatically. That's Dr. Paul's plan.
Speaking of Osama bin Laden, Dr. Paul is the only candidate who has a plan to get him. Dr. Paul has reminded us of a provision in the Constitution that will legally allow us to pursue the mastermind of September 11 using a measure that has been proven to be effective in combating terrorism since the beginning of our republic. Michael Scheurer, the former head of the CIA's bin Laden unit, strongly believes that Dr. Paul is the only candidate who has a realistic plan to stop Al Qaeda.
In ten congressional terms spanning more than 30 years of service, Dr. Paul has the most consistently conservative voting record of any presidential candidate. Like Barry Goldwater before him, every proposal that Dr. Paul makes is based on the U.S. Constitution. If the Constitution prohibits the federal government from doing something, then Dr. Paul automatically votes against it. For example, Dr. Paul voted against the War in Iraq. He will bring our troops home. He consistently votes to uphold our constitutional rights. He has never voted for a tax increase. He is a rocksolid supporter of our freedom and liberty.
By the way, Dr. Paul is so incorruptible that lobbyists don't visit him. He doesn’t accept his own congressional pension. Dr. Paul has been married to the same woman for 50 years. As an obstetrician, he has delivered more than 4000 babies. In a time of rampant corruption, wouldn’t it be a pleasure to have such a decent and honest man in the White House?
I strongly hope that you will caucus for Dr. Paul in January. Our nation's future is at stake.
In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.
-- Thomas Jefferson
Missing Question Mark
Near the end of the second large paragraph:
Thought it needed a bit of tightening...
As a fellow Iowan. I'm writing out of concern for our country.
My daughter, who just completed law school, owes over $100,000. My son works hard everyday to make a living. From our growing-out-of-control national debt, they each already owe $30,000 to foreign countries like China and Saudi Arabia. I don’t want to leave my children like this.
Only one candidate for President of United States -- Dr. Ron Paul -- realizes that our federal government cannot continue spending money at such an alarming rate.
Dr. Paul's prescription starts with our nation's foreign-policy. Did you know that half of our federal money pays to keep troops in 700 military bases in 140 countries around the world -- including wealthy countries such as Germany and South Korea that can easily afford to defend themselves. Isn't it time that we bring our children back home to defend our own borders, and let these wealthy countries defend themselves? That's Ron Paul's plan.
At a party during my college year abroad in Paris, a fight broke out between two French students. Foolishly, I stepped in to break it up. Maybe I wanted to impress my girlfriend, who is now my wife of 30 years?
Anyway, one of the combatants blindsided me as I tried to help them, knocking me cold. For months afterward, my Haitian dormmate teased me incessantly, calling me a "typical American" because I hurt myself intervening in a conflict that was none of my business.
His teasing annoyed me then, but now I see his point.
If the minded its own business, we would save trillions of dollars of our children's money, and we would be safer from terrorist attacks. The citizens of Switzerland are armed sufficiently to defend themselvesbut they do not interfere in other nations' internal affairs. Terrorists do not attack Switzerland. If the our leaders would stop intervening in other countries' affairs, then there would be little incentive to kill Americans. U.S. citizens would be as safe as the Swiss.
With Dr. Paul's policies, we would save trillions of dollars and we would be safer, all by minding our own business. Imagine saving enough money to safeguard Social Security, to pay back ournational debt, and to cut our taxes dramatically. That's Ron Paul's plan.
In ten congressional terms spanning 30 years, Dr. Paul has the most consistenly conservative voting record of any presidential candidate. Everything he has ever proposed is required of the Federal government by the U.S. Constitution. But if the Constitution does not allow the Federal government a particular power of its citizens, then Dr. Paul automatically votes against that bill. For example, Dr. Paul voted against the War in Iraq. He consistently votes to uphold our rights as human beings, as recognized in the Constitution. He has never voted for a tax increase. He is rocksolidly dedicated to the freedom of you and your family.
I strongly hope that you will caucus for Dr. Paul in January. Our nation's future is at stake.
Dennis
State education: "The best way to insure implicit obedience is to commence tyranny in nursery." - Disraeli
Parents: http://p196.ezboard.com/bafterschoolers
Don't Vote For Ron Paul for anything less than
Re[love]ution & Renaissance
Dennis
Grammar
"Imagine saving enough money to safeguard Social Security, pay down the national debt, and cut taxes dramatically" <--- this one just had incorrect use of adverbs
Great job
Definitely listen to what others have to say, but listen closest to your own heart, that is what will come across most in your letter. IU have been struggling with this myself.
One thing I like to add is the answer to the proverbial "who is Ron Paul?"
when listed, it is trully beyond impressive, dare I say uniquely Presidential
Great/ Grand/ Father husband of 50 years
Air Force Surgeon/ deliverer of 1000's
10 term congressman/ Commitee's (Finance/ Banking/ Foreign Affairs)
I think that he has served on these commitees lends amazing credibility to the ideas that some might believe to be far fetched. They help show that he has thought these things out and is not merely throwing out empty exciting ideas
Best of luck, to all, keep up the great work!
Yet the good doctor has never had an original idea of his own?
You might want to rephrase that.
If I was going to change anything it would be:
"Speaking of Osama bin Laden, Ron Paul is the only candidate who has a plan to get him. Dr. Paul has reminded us of a provision in the Constitution that will legally allow us to pursue the mastermind of September 11th, through the use of letters of Marque and Reprisal. It is a proven and effective measure for combating terrorism in all its forms, and has worked since our founding fathers instituted it against the Barbary pirates - the terrorists of their day."
great letter maybe add he
great letter maybe add he will bring the troops home immediatley, hes the only candidate to offer that
Feedback
Personalizing it early was great. As for content, all sales depends on who you are targeting. Otherwise your letter is coherent and compelling and has a sincere ring. Pleese check 2 facts: 1) it's 130 countries I believe and 2) it was Sweden not Switzerland that Bin laden claimed he'd attack if his terrorism was about hating free countries which it's not. Nice work - JP
The first 5 million supporters of Dr. Paul are 'early adopters.' The next 10 million will require a modified approach.
Wow, if I got a letter like that...
I'd "get me to the caucus on time" for Ron Paul!
Very touching and exactly the kind of points that need to be made and that will touch every American. Nicely done!
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Excellent letter!!!
Well said. Clear and concise. Compassionate and backed with logic. Thank you for writing such a powerful letter in support of this just cause. Long live the Revolution!
I'd throw in Michael Scheuer
The Switzerland example is good but a better proof element to support Paul's foreign policy is Michael Scheuer, the guy who led the task force on finding Bin Laden in the CIA for many years.
Here are two videos. The first has Scheuer stating that out of 18 candidates, Ron Paul is the only one Al Qaeda has to worry about. The second has way too many good points to list.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-o3oMuwXGY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZNfuIvtLos
http://www.jimmyliberty.com loves Ron Pau
Excellent feedback. I got
Excellent feedback.
I got the Switzerland example from Harry Browne during or after the 2000 campaign. Harry Browne inspired me to switch from Democrat to Libertarian. However, I don't plan to include Harry Browne in my letter.
I will revise and repost. Thank you.
In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.
-- Thomas Jefferson