How I Clobbered the Census with Planning, Kindness and Transparency

After the census missed me 4 different times, I assumed they had long given up on our residence. Then, last Sunday, I walked outside and to my alarm, I discovered a census worker at my neighbors' door.

So I closed the door and mentally went over with what I was going to say to them. Months ago I had planned in anticipated for their arrival and already knew what I wanted to say. I actually even intended to video record the episode but I couldn't find my camera, handy. Here is how it went:

Census: Hi, i am from the Census, something, something, something, we have some questions for you.
Me: Hi, I already filled out your form and returned it several months ago.
Census: It will only take a few minutes...
Me: Ok, would you like to come in?
Census: No, I'm not allowed to.
Me: Ok.
Census: How many people live here?
Me: Three people live here.
Census: Any additional people staying here?
Me: Three people live here, total.
Census: Ok, can you spell your full name, please? (She goes to hand me the form)
Me: Three people live here.
Census: Uh, huh.
Census: So, can you tell me your name?
Me: Wait, can you show me the law that I have to answer that?
Census: (Excited) Yes, I can. I have it right here. (She scoured her giant Census purse, and then handed me a paper with Title 13 of US Code Sec. 221 printed on it.)
Me: (Studying the paper). Ok, are you a lawyer?
Census: No.
Me: That's okay, can you tell me what the definition of "census" is?
Census: It means to count.
Me: Yes, it means a count.
Census: What is your home phone number?
Me: Are you going to add the digits up in my phone number?
Census: No
Me: Then you are not conducting a census.
Census: Can you tell me your race?
Me: Can you tell me your social security?
Census: No.
me: Are you saying you have a right to not give that information out?
Census: Yes, but I am from the Census, and we have to fill out these questions...

That is when I handed her an article I printed out from Scientific American: "Census Bureau Gave Up Names of Japanese-Americans in WW II."

I was nice about it. I said, "here, while I study the law that says I have to answer these questions, can you take a look at this article I printed?"

She said sure, and took it.

After reading the headline out loud she was visibly concerned. She said, "oh, no," but followed by giving me some excuse like they wouldn't do that any more. I shrugged, and said that's probably what they said 6 decades ago.

It was kind of a tense moment for me, and I could sense that she was deflated. Then I did what I always do when I get nervous, was I made small talk to make the awkward moment go away. I told her my friend applied for a job at the census, but didn't get accepted. She, responded that it was demanding hours and not many people have the availability for it.

Then she smiled, and sympathetically asked "so, are you going to refuse to answer the questions?

I responded: "No, I am not refusing. I did answer all your census questions."

She smiled and left with my printed article in hand. I thanked her.

I hope she shows it to her fellow co-workers!