A Message From The Dept. Of Homeland SecuritySubmitted by forget to remember on Wed, 03/23/2011 - 09:31
A MESSAGE FROM THE DEPT. OF HOMELAND SECURITY
In light of recent revelations regarding the true nature of the threats to our way of life made clear in our recent MIAC Report, we at the Department of Homeland Security have decided to change our focus from foreign terrorists to a menace of a decidedly more domestic nature. As a result, we felt some changes were in order.
First, there was the matter of our official seal. It was not very politically correct. It looked far too war-like and menacing with that eagle, shield and arrows. Instead, we have had it redesigned to a much more friendly symbol, as seen below. (1)
The beautiful little endangered Orwellian Fruit Bat was chosen by the Sierra Club and helps call attention to the plight of our delicate ecosystem. The moon symbolizes our vigilance to protect our wonderful new government, even in the dark of night, from those that would seek to undermine it. We have added a small yellow design of no real significance, which I can assure you is an international symbol of peace and friendship. We have even incorporated the Obama campaign seal, a symbol that has come to be seen by millions as a beacon of hope and change. (2)
We hope this new seal will help all newcomers crossing our borders feel more at ease in our country. (A reminder to our new arrivals: Please register to vote at the nearest ACORN office or local Department of Motor Vehicles. Coloqúese por favor para votar en la oficina más cercana de la ACORN o el departamento local de vehículos de motor.)
While the new Administration does not feel threatened by the masses of undocumented future Democrats crossing our borders in unknown numbers, or the many followers of Islam who may sometimes accompany them, we do feel there are, unfortunately, much more sinister threats staring all of us in the face... Conservatism and Libertarianism!
I wish to reassure all Politically-Correct Americans, that every possible step is being taken to protect our newly acquired power from the grasp of this creeping evil, but we must remain ever-vigilant, or a non-liberal Democrat may win an elected office in your area at sometime in the near future. To aid in our struggle against these extremists, we have updated the color-alert system developed by the previous administration and will be issuing advisories along with specifics about any known threats such as VFW meetings, future "Tea Parties" or Republicans shown within striking distance in any election poll. (3)
Right now, we remain at Threat Level Yellow, though please be advised that Fox News, talk radio and right wing blogs are considered to be at Threat Level Orange!
As part of our efforts to warn the public about all possible threats to our New Age of Hope and Change, we have also created a Official Website Content Warning Badge, which all websites that contain politically objectionable content will be asked to display. (4)
Compliance will be voluntary, at first, and then, much like the President's new GIVE Act, it will be made a mandatory sort of voluntary in the near future!
Those of you who have websites which feature politically incorrect thought, are asked to display one of the following badges in your sidebar...
- 230x230 Sidebar Version
- 190x190 Sidebar Version
Please link all badges back to this post and let us know you are in full compliance with the law by trackback, comment and/or email with a link to the blog(s) on which it is being displayed. Blogroll will be forthcoming, and DHS will begin monitoring all activities of those posting to, commenting on, or visiting these sites. Thank you for your cooperation.
Secretary Janet "Nappy" Napolitano
U.S. Department of Homeland Security and Political Correctness Enforcement
(1) The original Department of Homeland Security seal
(2) The re-designed Department of Homeland Security seal.
(3) The re-designed Department of Homeland Security Color Alert System Chart
(4) The Official Website Content Warning Badge