2 votes

The Newt Gingrich Poem - Resigned in Disgrace

This is not my original work...I just saw it posted on facebook under a Judge Andrew Napolitano thread so I can't take credit for it. I'm not sure if the guy who posted it would want his name put out in the open so I'll leave it out unless it is required (for all I know this could have been posted before).

Resigned In Disgrace

Gather round all you children, gather round, hear this story
About the fall of a politician at the height of his glory
He resigned in disgrace
Now he’s back in the race
And if we fall for his lies, it’s America’s Momento Mori!

Let’s harken back to the year 1994
When Republicans won like they hadn’t before
He was Speaker of the House
(and a horrible spouse!)
But his ethics were something no one could ignore.

In those days the Congress just did as they please
Graft and check kiting were a rampant disease
They all wrote bad checks
And had scurrilous sex
Without any fear of the authorities

Now our subject, the Speaker, was quite the hypocrite
He campaigned against corruption, while reveling in it
He took the bold stance
To audit Congress’s finance
And that’s where Newt Gingrich, stepped in his own $#!+.

The Ethics Committee looked into Speaker Newt
To try to find out just how he fenced all his loot.
They saw thousands of pages
Of Gingrich outrages
And when they asked why, the Speaker lied, or went mute.

There were epic proportions of Newt’s tax evading junk
The more they dug into it, the more that it stunk!
But Congress sanctions their own
When they’re bad to the bone
‘Cause if they didn’t, Newt would be a cellblock punk!

Newt got slapped on the wrist with a $300,000 fine
For his multiple scams that were over the line.
It was “intentional and reckless”,
Newt had proven himself feckless,
And after the next election, he was forced to resign.

It’s hard to imagine the size of the balls it would take
To run for the Presidency as sanctioned ethical snake.
He needs to be scorned,
And now you’re forewarned
That nominating Newt would be a disastrous mistake!