Oy! Ten Million For My Very Own Caucus And What Do I Get?Submitted by bobspirit on Mon, 02/06/2012 - 23:06
Bupkus, that’s what I get! Bupkus!
I don’t understand it! Saturday night in Vegas. I figure all the goyim are out drinking and gambling. (Note, send free line pass for a gondola ride at the venetian mall to registered republicans. Sales are for shit).
But no. Everything’s hunky dory and then a whole BUSLOAD of these Paul Putzes pulls up. Apparently they all had to work Saturday morning and then they decided to show up thinking they could vote. Well, we took care of them. We told them they couldn’t vote unless they signed a contract to become Jewish. We sent their sorry asses home and got the party started. It’s Gingrich Time! Bar’s open! Cash only, please.
But wait! A half hour later they all came back wearing yamulkas! Where the hell did they get a case of yamulkas on a Saturday night? And they paid RETAIL!
Who are those guys? I mean, they all had JOBS! (Note; increase bribes to culinary union execs)
And to make matters worse, CNN decides to show the caucus LIVE. Oh my freaking god, Paul this and Paul that, it made me want to spit up my borscht. (Note; call Murdoch and make that pansy an offer he can’t refuse)
I mean, what happened to all my Jews? Then I found out the locals casinos were doing two for one buffets and 3 times points on the penny slots. Do I have to think of everything?
And even with all this, everything would have been fine and my boy Newt would have been home free but Mormons kept popping up like mushrooms all over the place! Geez, do they even know how to SPELL birth control? Now the numbers are all upside down, and I am verklempt.
I know what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna buy about 10,000 square miles in southern Utah (Note; check leasing terms first). Then I’m gonna rent the entire US Air Force and kidnap every stinking Palestinian I can lay my hands on, strap a parachute on him, and drop him in Utah. I’ll show those Mormons how to pack a caucus.
I mean the fix was in. It was all set. The local GOP boys were ready to play ball (Note: don’t forget to send them their bonuses), and then I run into the stupidest stumbling block I never saw coming. Democracy! In America! Go figure.
Well, I’m pretty much done. Screw America. I’m moving to China. Commies are much cheaper to bribe, and they stay bought. For me, value is everything.
Obama in 2012. After all, that is the plan.