6 votes

My Personal Canvassing Brochure: Feedback?

http://www.scribd.com/doc/82494947/RestoreAmericaNowZacharyCamp

This is two pages front and back and I plan to hand this out as I am canvassing my hometown up until Super Tuesday.
Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Is the disclaimer good enough?
I wanted a more personalized letter than the glossy mass-produced super brochure, as well as creative control.
(Feel free to share/ print for liberty! - be sure to take my name off of it)
Thanks DPers!



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Added a PDF link - feel free to share/print

be sure to take my name off, first...

any more feedback is greatly appreciated!

last bump

I have been told that i can exlcude that ''false prophets" verse at the end because people may not understand where i am coming from, ie they may think i consider ron paul a prophet.

any advice on the disclaimer at the end?

Anything i need to do to protect myself as i am putting my name on this???

I Like It!

I would make a few changes but for the most part it says ALOT! It will open eyes thats for sure..you really ought to throw in "UNCONSTITUTIONAL" in this at least a few times..because I have found that when people realize that almost NOTHING is Constitutional in our Government (YET OUR ELECTED OFFICIALS TOOK AN OATH TO UPHOLD THE CONSTITUTION!!)this makes them take a second look. So throw that in there to Spice things up a bit..

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reedr3v's picture

VERY well written, well organized,

just the right, factual tone, good pacing. I only quibble with one word, in the second sentence. "embarrassing" doesn't quite do it for me. It seems almost to trivialize the staggering awfulness of the debt. One suggestion: just drop 'embarrassing' so it would read...The national debt is $16 trillion -- a huge burden on every American, even our children and grandchildren.

Minor thought: I hope you have some way to break up the text graphically since it is quite long and some people will be unlikely to read it through if it is a long column of grey type.

right

I have tried to keep it to short one liners with a paragragh break after each one... on a wider er actual sheet of paper it looks much less cluttered.

I have boldened the world embarassed, but I agree it does sound kind of trivial. I debated saying 'abomination' but do not want to come across as 'in-your-face'.
editing

If anyone can help tell how to upload

I can post the original finished document to share... it is saved as a word doc, pdf, and rtf....

very good!

One suggestion: make the "introduction" of Dr. Paul explicit. You go from "There is only one man who has..." to "He is..." to
"He is... he will..." to suddenly "Ron Paul will not..." without actually introducing him. The transition is awkward.

Otherwise, I like it all!

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
What is begun in anger, ends in shame.

thanks

editing.
I wanted this to be more of a personal warning for people (primarily of the hyperinflation - which I will discuss with the recipients), and not necessarily a ron paul stump speech so I wanted to kinda ease them in.