1 vote

DNC: Democratic National Coronation

I keep wondering about the DNC.Are dems gonna even bother mounting a challenger? Who's holding Hillary back and with what kind of rope? I keep waiting for Vermin Supreme to make a come-back but hope only gets us so far in life.

It's just become entirely credible that nobody will challenge Obama and we'll get one heck of a dog and pony show. Nobody to debate with? That's OK, we can all tell the TV anchors want that job anyways. They all consider themselves pre-eminently qualified to represent the people, the process, the predictions and the the pomp. The Convention That Wasn't One is what they are gonna have. Roughly modelled on the Emmy Awards or some other thing where an industry of insiders gathers to give prizes to themselves for being them.

It'll be one of several coronations I suppose, each one costing more than the last and culminating in another grand spectacle at public expense. To call it a politically hollow exercise somehow doesn't do it. Has anyone considered merging it with July 4th? We really could bundle the process into one long weekend when the whole nation just has a party and at the stoke of midnight we open a big easter egg on television and the new president steps out! Surprise! We can call it America Day. We might as well throw Christmas in there with it so everybody gets a present and a slice of cake.

This could make room for a spate of other holidays like National Blacksploitation Film Awareness Month or International Brotherhood Of Snail Tamers Union Local Day. Or just assign holidays by lottery. But in the grander scale of the long, slow and tortured evolution of human governance, we have finally settled on the format of a game-show as the ideal system.

I understand this will take some retooling of the calendar as America Day just seems like a natural predator of New Years, destined to be subsumed as it were, and one might think that calendars aren't completely arbitrary but we can just as easily retool the cosmos. At least as far as anybody really KNOWS. We'll just redraft the textbooks, we had that on the schedule anyways and let's face it: does anybody really NEED to know how many planets there really are and what their true locations are? Do people really need planets named Neptune and Saturn and Jupiter or wouldn't they feel better with planets named Bob and Pete and Steve? Or heck, spin this wheel and we'll name a planet just for you!

See this is really how we get people to participate. Just make all the voting machines look and act exactly like slot machines. Throw a little zazzle into it. Get some show girls in the polling locations. Offer safe rides to and fro for drunks. America doesn't need a reason to party as much as an excuse.

We really should have ran "Penn and Teller" as our nominee.