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How to Win Friends and Influence People (to vote for Ron Paul!)

If you support Ron Paul, you know that the media is not going to promote our candidate or philosophy without outright lies or gross distortions. That means it is up to you and I to convince people that liberty is the solution. This is an extremely daunting task considering all we are up against, but the message is enlightening, it can be done. I have found Ron Paul supporters to be the most knowledgeable and passionate followers of politics, this is encouraging, but if not channeled correctly can actually work to our disadvantage. Which leads me to the point of this post.

I just finished reading the classic by Dale Carnegie "How to Win Friends and Influence People." It is a great book and very interesting. I think every Ron Paul supporter should read this book especially the section on How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking. It is great in describing, with examples, how to best deal with people. Hint: It is not by antagonizing people, calling names or saying 'you're wrong.' People are not rational, they are emotional and these things are detrimental to your effort if you are truly trying to change their point of view. Here are a couple quotes of the (in my humble opinion) most important and intriguing tips, tricks and info to remember when trying to win people to your (liberty-minded) way of thinking.

Quotes from 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie and specifically Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking.

Principle 1:The Only Way to Get the Best of an Argument is to Avoid It
“You can’t win an argument. You can’t because if you lose you lose it; and if you win it, you lose it. Suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes…Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You have hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph.

A man convinced against his will
Is of the same opinion still.”

“As wise old Ben Franklin used to say: If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s good will”

Principle 2: Show Respect for the Other Person’s Opinions. Never Say ‘You’re Wrong’
“We sometimes find ourselves changing our minds without any resistance or heavy emotion, but if we are told we are wrong, we resent the imputation and harden our hearts…We like to continue to believe what we have been accustomed to accept as true, and the resentment aroused when doubt is cast upon any of our assumptions leads us to seek every manner of excuse for clinging to it. The result is that most of our so-called reasoning consists in finding arguments for going on believing as we already do.”

Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
“Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes-and most fools do—but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one’s mistakes”

“When we are right, let’s try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong – and that will be surprisingly often – let’s admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm. Not only will that technique produce astonishing results; but believe it or not, it is a lot more fun, under the circumstances, than trying to defend oneself”

Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way
“If you come at me with your fists doubled I think I can promise you that mine will double as fast as yours.”

“If a man’s heart in rankling with discord and ill feeling toward you you can’t win him to your way of thinking with all the logic in Christendom. Scolding parents and domineering bosses and husbands and nagging wives ought to realize that people don’t want to change their minds. They can’t be forced or driven to agree with you or me. But they may possible be led to, if we are gently and friendly, ever so gentle and ever so friendly.”

Principle 5: Get the other person saying, “yes, yes” immediately
“In talking with people, don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing – and keep on emphasizing – the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that you only difference is one of method and not of purpose. Get the other person saying, “yes, yes” at the outset. Keep your opponent, if possible, from saying “No.””

Principle 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
“Most people trying to win others to their way of thinking do too much talking themselves. Le the other people talk themselves out. They know more about their business and problems than you do. So ask them questions. Let them tell you a few things. If you disagree with them you may be tempted to interrupt. But don’t. It is dangerous. They won’t pay attention to you while they still have a lot of ideas of their own crying for expression. So listen patently and with an open mind. Be sincere about it. Encourage them to express their ideas fully.”

Principle 7: Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers
“Don’t you have much more faith in ideas that you discover for yourself rather than ideas that are handed to you on a silver platter? If so, isn’t it bad judgment to try to ram you opinions down the throats of other people? Isn’t it wiser to make suggestions – and let the other person think out the conclusion?”

Principle 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view
“Remember that other people may be totally wrong. But they don’t think so. Don’t condemn them. Any fool can do that. Try to understand them. Only wise, tolerant, exceptional people even try to do that. There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does. Ferret out that reason – and you have the key to his actions, perhaps to his personality.”

Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires
“Wouldn’t you like to have a magic phrase that would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will, and make the other person listen attentively? … Here it is: ‘I don’t blame you one iota for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.’”

“Three-fourths of the people you will ever meet are hungering and thirsting for sympathy. Give it to them and they will love you.”

“I wanted to be above fools. So I resolved to try to turn her hostility into friendliness.”

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Thanks for this much helpful

Thanks for this much helpful post. I just ordered a copy from Amazon. One of the top reviews and its opinion about this book was that it's not really for making real friends but for more salesmanship/networking type of gains. But from these quotes and your description, it seems it's universal. Either way it would be helpful in the context of spreading liberty even if it was for more business relations.

"you're a funny dude, but who gives a fuck about that? I don't care about someone's wit, I care about the courage of their heart and the honesty of their mind."

Your time and effort to

Your time and effort to compile this list of excerpts from the book is much appreciated. This is a great book on effective communications. And the link to buy it: http://amzn.com/0671723650

it's on the Daily Paul bookshelf...


Chris Indeedski!

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.

Principle 5 sounds like the winner

Although I know some people would disagree with some of RP's ideas that I think are indisputable. That's when I have to bite my tongue.

I agree

it is tough when you are so passionate about a subject. Its hard but you have to put yourself in the other person's corporate media watching position.