Fog ComputingSubmitted by Evil Warlord an... on Thu, 07/05/2012 - 21:10
(Originally submitted to Phrack.org)
About the mid-twentieth century, one of the greatest inventions in history made its appearance, and political and corporate leaders around the world were thrilled. Television was literally a god-send to that particular class of thieves and bastards in that it would allow them to boost the productivity of their drones to unparalleled heights. It was wonderful; a quasi-hypnotic, ubiquitous device that allowed them to not only cultivate [read: socially engineer] the minds and values of their host populations, but also to encourage consumption, instill a largely self-sacrificing work ethic, and pacify them all at the same time. It was the best of times, it was the best of times. It was the beginning of the eighties, and greed was in the air!
Of course, nothing lasts forever. Progress always comes along and disrupts that delicate balance, this time in the form of the personal computer, NCSA, ARPA, our fine and friendly nerds in the San Francisco Bay Area, and of course, Al Gore. A new age was born: the information age.
A wealth of information exploded before us; hacking, phreaking, anarchy, political discourse, instant communication around the world for zero nominal cost (a truly terrible sin), environmentally friendly technology, legal advice, filesharing and free software. The veil had been lifted off the eyes of Generations X and Y. We knew we were getting screwed, we knew how to stop getting screwed, we communicated with each other, and we started thinking for ourselves.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was the beginning of the double-oughts, and greed was in the air!
Of course, nothing lasts forever. Idiocy always comes along and disrupts that delicate balance, this time in the form of iPods, Myspace, Google, our fine and friendly marketroids on Madison Avenue, and of course, 9/11. A new age was born: the age of the cloud.
They descended on the unprepared masses like a fog. A deluge of video games, porn, lulz, and countless other forms of stupid, meaningless crap came out, distracting them left and right, and with the advent of smartphone connected iJunk like facebook and Myspace, the internet was no longer the ledgerdemain of the cerebrally endowed and socially awkward, it was /the place to be/. If she wasn't one of the cool kids, posting pictures of the latest glamorous thing she had done all over her online photo albums to the chagrin of her jealous friends, she was nobody. All the world's a smartphone, and all the men and women merely reality stars!
Marketeers were having a field day. Everyone was plugged in.. well, everyone who mattered. Everyone who had disposable income. The last piece of the puzzle was the transformation of the internet from a horizontally integrated network into a vertically integrated top-down hub, where "content providers" provide, and "consumers" consume. Besides, who had time to create content when there was already so much out there to consume that if one lived his entire life on the web, he *might* be able to see everything! Besides, you've got just enough time on this break to spend your paycheck buying virtual hammers to finish your virtual general store so you can get to the next level and finally get a virtual wife and maybe lose your virtuinity.
Even the way we went about interfacing has changed. Pods and pads are now the devices of choice, optimized for foggers. Who needs a keyboard, a mouse, or, heaven forbid, a Wacom tablet?! If u cnt say whut u ned 2 say w < 11 btns ur prolly a terrist LULZ. You're here to /consume/, not to /create/! Besides, have you ever tried to type on a full size keyboard whilst lying on the sofa?
And of course, if you want to get in on the big game, you have to pay to play. Google, the default eth0 for almost every browser out there, isn't a cheap date. Only the big boys have enough money to be heard, and if you want to be the next Youtube star or grow a champion pot farm, you're gonna look at some ads, and if you decide to click on those ads, and you'd better, you're going to go round and round in the cloud. You'll watch a "sponsored" music video on Youtube starring a talentless putz from one of those Disney shows, then maybe buy an iPad off Amazon, then play some Zynga games on facebook, before realizing you're a loser because you don't have the latest and greatest Verizon Droid phone.
You're stuck in a fog.
You won't be able to get out because typing in a URL is kind of a weird thing to do. There's no "app" for it on your desktop, and typing requires too much effort in the ADHD laden world of tap and drag and rofl. Everything that's accessible to you now is approved by a legal department, sanitized, Disneyfied. Real choices no longer exist. You might get to grow a pot farm on facebook, but you'll find no actual information on how to cultivate marijuana IRL. The marketplace has been Carlinized down to a few meaningless choices, like facebook or Myspace, Google or Yahoo!, Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts, Obama or Romney. Unapproved behavior, unapproved thoughts, unapproved content, are no longer accessible. They didn't pay the licensing fee, and they're not part of the big virtual club.
All of your information, everything you do, is now online. "They" control that information, "they" have access to it, and "they" can profit from it, all because you 'Like' them.
Eventually, systems will be "hard-wired" to be incapable of running unauthorized binaries, displaying unauthorized content, accessing "untrusted" websites, or facilitating unauthorized communications or activities. x86 will finally be laid to rest (albeit decades late; it should've been killed off by the 68k series) and replaced with a new, "feature-laden", "industry standard", "cloud optimized" proprietary architecture that will conveniently be a well guarded trade secret, costing thousands of dollars in licensing fees and iron-clad NDAs just to gain access to a stripped down basic development environment, and running on a shiny new "web" operating system, probably based on Linux, but resembling nothing of the sort. Actual Linux will be comptraband. Everything will require a "license", stored on a fogserver, and if you don't behave yourself, they'll simply deactivate your account.
And that's not to mention that it's largely based on deliberately inefficient "human readable" bloated markup languages, meaning that every 10% increase in "features" requires a 300% increase in processing and memory capacity, but hey, you need a new computer anyway, and the advertisers on this page have great financing!
-The Evil Warlord