2 votes

I got this email today from my neocon aunt.

I've been off the cool aid for so long that I had forgotten what it was like. I can hardly believe that there are people out there who still subscribe to this type of thinking.

I know it's supposed to be a joke but they truly want a divided America.

DIVORCE AGREEMENT -- This is so incredibly well-put, and I can hardly believe it's by a young person, a student!! Whatever he runs for, I'll vote for him!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, regressive, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et. al.:

We have stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

1. Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides had such distinct and disparate tastes.

2. We don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them.

3. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.

4. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.

5. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar, and bio-diesel.

6. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

7. We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.

8. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless homeboys, hippies, druggies, and illegal aliens.

9. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.

10. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood ..

11. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

12. You can have the peace-niks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

13. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.

14. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness, and Shirley McLain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

15. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

16. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.

17. We'll continue to believe healthcare is an earned luxury and not a right.

18. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."

19. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya," or "We Are the World".

20. We'll practice trickledown economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

21. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our constitution and our flag.

22. Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S.: Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, and Jane Fonda with you.

P.S.S..: And you won't have to "Press 1 for English" when you call our country.

Forward this every time you get it! Let's keep this going; maybe some of it will start sinking in!

Trending on the Web

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

Lawyers for most part like big goverment

the more stuff thats law the more stuff lawyers can use to do business for clients or against people.

Who actually WANTS to own an

Who actually WANTS to own an inefficient, wasteful vehicle?!?

Who actually wants health care to be a "luxury"?

Who actually wants to go around blowing up other countries?!?


"Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of liberty." - Thomas Jefferson
"Annoyance is step one of thinking"
"We're all in the same boat, it doesn't matter if you like me"

1 is whatever. 2 and 20 are

1 is whatever.

2 and 20 are contradictory. Redistributing wealth to the rich is still redistribution.

3, the ACLU really can help people, I just wish it went by the "life, liberty, and property" idea John Locke proposed. They do good sometimes and bad sometimes.

4, Democrats are for war too.

5. What the hell. It is a great idea to move towards alternative energy. Heating your house with solar heaters and cutting back our dependance on foreign oil is good. Using wind power is good. I don't get it.

6 is just ad-hominem

7 would be good if we actually had capitalism.

8 is ad hominem as well, but people using welfare for life is bad. Druggies? If they mean marijuana users, that is an industry ready to BOOM.

9, Sarah Palin is hot, even if she is a neocon. Gah. I hate it.

10 meh

11,12 Invading people who threaten us? If we weren't there we wouldn't have problems... and the Democrats wage their own wars. We shouldn't even be involved in any of this. Free trade with all and entangling alliances with none.

13 alright...

14 good, but everyone should be free to practice their own religion as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else.

15 I don't get. A car is a tool, and that tool should be used for the job it is made, however government should have no say in it at all.

16,17 Healthcare should be freed up to the market, and, while the government should have no part in it, all Americans should take an active interest in their health. Nutrition is important... but not a government issue.

18,19 whatever. Doesn't effect anyone, and was intended as ad hominem.

21 Lets keep that constitution! Yeah!

End The Fed!
BTC: 1A3JAJwLVG2pz8GLfdgWhcePMtc3ozgWtz

I think you have an opportunity here

Respond to her using Ron Paul's positions. You can see that some of these issues overlap, so make them you strong issues with her, first and last.

I think you have the opportunity to make another Ron Paul supporter. Don't even mention Ron Paul. Just deliver hhis message point by point. And when she responds, if she respeonds, then tell her it's RON PAUL.

Good luck.

I'm considering it,

But it will have to be an incredibly carefully worded email. My aunt is a very very tough nut to crack.

The difficulty will be in not offending her, which unfortunately, is INCREDIBLY easy to do. =(

May as well give it a shot though.

I'm surprised that in #21

I'm surprised that in #21 they say they want the constitution.

I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be. Albert Einstein

I know Right!!!

As if they actually have read it or care about what it says!


I'm hoping he hasn't taken his constitutional law class, yet.