Kiss My Privileged Ass. A Note From Your Elected OfficialSubmitted by bobspirit on Thu, 08/16/2012 - 19:53
I almost don't know where to start with you loony losers. Red pill, blue pill, you dopes still think you actually have a choice? George Carlin was right when he said you have to be asleep to believe in the American dream.
Look, I am a government employee. Exactly what did you expect? Did you seriously believe I was going to represent you when it is big banking interests and corporations that sign my paychecks? You are as naive as altar boys in a rectory.
The child support check is in the mail. I swear. Oh wait, I got my letters confused, thought you were third my ex-wife for a second. Now THERE'S a tasty wench, but she just didn't look presidential, so I had to cut her loose, you know what I'm saying? You want to win elections you gotta have a real virgin, peace corp type who looks good in suits.
Look, I got nothing against Iranians, Iraqis, Pakistanis, or any brown people for that matter. Seriously, I really don't care one way or the other. But if the Israeli lobby says squat I'll slam my rump into the ground so fast you'll think I was Obama bailing out a banker.
They say go to war, I say, fine, let's do it. Like I give a rat's ass. Again, what did you expect? If I don't do what they tell me not only will they cut off the money I need to buy my next election, they'll give it to the guy I have to run against and I'll end up on the unemployment line right next to your broke ass. These jokers don't take no prisoners, I'm telling ya.
And what would I do then? Get a job? I don't speak Indian, Chinese or Spanish.
After that, they'd REALLY get nasty. They'd get their muscle guys in media, the real pounders, to rough me up so bad in public I wouldn't be able to get a blowjob in a whorehouse, never mind make my boat payments.
And I just gotta laugh at all you freedom fans screaming about your civil liberties being taken from you. Like you've got civil liberties! Seriously, we laugh our asses off on the hill over this one. I mean, exactly how do millions of people who have half of everything they make confiscated by us think they have any freedom at all! I am always AMAZED at this. Bend over so we can get something straight between us, LOL. What a bunch of schmucks.
I'll tell you, I really didn't believe them when they told me we could get away with this crap. But sure enough we can distract those on the right with abortion rights, gay marriage, and terrorists in the toilet, and we can put those on the left into a freaking trance with health care, civil rights, and taxing the rich. Then we go right up the middle and do what we want while you idiots argue about what PERCENTAGE of your labor we get to take. Divide and conquer. It works every time.
Hey, I'd love to write more but I really have to run. They want me to endorse one of the republican candidates. I said, sure thing, which one? They said, who cares, anyone but Paul. If that clown gets the nomination then we'd have to have a national dialogue on ISSUES, and then the party's over. Literally. We can't let the serfs, I mean the citizens, know about the how the monetary system really works or we'd all end up bagging fries right next to your unemployed college graduates.
Write to me anytime, and I'll be sure to respond when one of my drunk assistants checks the e-mail, and then I''ll let get right back to you with some boring, senseless explanation about why I just allowed the country's biggest employers to move the factories to some third world sinkhole.
By then, you probably won't care, because the aluminum chemtrails will have your sinuses in an uproar and what with all that hacking and sneezing you won't be able to hear those really bad singers on Idol.
Remember, I feel your pain. And don't forget to vote.