Alert: President Obama Suspends Campaign, Travels to Cone of HurricaneSubmitted by Molusk on Mon, 10/29/2012 - 13:37
Today at 1:00 PM eastern time President Obama and his opponent Mitt Romney announced a joint plan to suspend their campaigns and convene an emergency meeting in the epicenter of hurricane Sandy. The purpose of the meeting is meteorological in nature.
The nature of a hurricane is such that the mixture of warm winds from the south and cold air from the north Atlantic coast combine to form the destructive power of the whirlwind.
The candidates have agreed to convene an emergency series of presidential debates to provide an overwhelming current of hot air and thus quell the storm in its path.
The plan is a bold one without scientific merit, and some have accused to president of grandstanding, and politicizing the hurricane. But this is not a time for partisan rancor, and we should support the novel approach of using debates to influence the weather.
Ann Coulter has been temporarily placed in indefinite detention, the White house press corp quoting Obama as saying "because she's an ice cold bitch."
The Fed has been granted temporary emergency powers to print the needed carbon credits to allow the plan to go forward under international law.
A task force of looters and FEMA personnel are on standby to provide post hurricane clean up and entertainment.
The president has ordered the opening of the strategic national Air Jordan reserve and stationed national guard at all the nation's major depots for the duration of the storm.
Political pundits are debating the impact the storm will have on the president election.
One theory holds that sustained power outages throughout the northeast will disproportionately effect women, children and minority voters, and the deceased, thus favoring the Romney campaign.
The opposing viewpoint holds that the hurricane will wreak tremendous havoc on infrastructure, breaking perhaps as many as 1.2 million windows according to some estimates. This is expected to provide the economy the boost it needs as we head into the home stretch, favoring the incumbent.