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Alert: President Obama Suspends Campaign, Travels to Cone of Hurricane

Today at 1:00 PM eastern time President Obama and his opponent Mitt Romney announced a joint plan to suspend their campaigns and convene an emergency meeting in the epicenter of hurricane Sandy. The purpose of the meeting is meteorological in nature.

The nature of a hurricane is such that the mixture of warm winds from the south and cold air from the north Atlantic coast combine to form the destructive power of the whirlwind.

The candidates have agreed to convene an emergency series of presidential debates to provide an overwhelming current of hot air and thus quell the storm in its path.

The plan is a bold one without scientific merit, and some have accused to president of grandstanding, and politicizing the hurricane. But this is not a time for partisan rancor, and we should support the novel approach of using debates to influence the weather.

Ann Coulter has been temporarily placed in indefinite detention, the White house press corp quoting Obama as saying "because she's an ice cold bitch."

The Fed has been granted temporary emergency powers to print the needed carbon credits to allow the plan to go forward under international law.

A task force of looters and FEMA personnel are on standby to provide post hurricane clean up and entertainment.

The president has ordered the opening of the strategic national Air Jordan reserve and stationed national guard at all the nation's major depots for the duration of the storm.

Political pundits are debating the impact the storm will have on the president election.

One theory holds that sustained power outages throughout the northeast will disproportionately effect women, children and minority voters, and the deceased, thus favoring the Romney campaign.

The opposing viewpoint holds that the hurricane will wreak tremendous havoc on infrastructure, breaking perhaps as many as 1.2 million windows according to some estimates. This is expected to provide the economy the boost it needs as we head into the home stretch, favoring the incumbent.



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Oh they are such great leaders

This makes me sick about the future of our country.

People say how we are free so they some here. That is not true. They come here because it is easy to come here from the ruined countries they are coming from. Here they get food stamps, actually a debit card.

deacon's picture

and obama

with out stretched arms rebuked the storm,saying"move ye from
thine eyes and leave from whence you cameth
but nothing happened

If we deny truth before your very eyes,then the rest of what we have to say,is of little consequence

The candidates have agreed to

The candidates have agreed to convene an emergency series of presidential debates to provide an overwhelming current of hot air and thus quell the storm in its path.

What the hey

And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.

perfect ending

with the broken window fallacy lol

GOLD

This had me going for a paragraph.

Senator Peter Schiff 2016

That would be some weather manipulation I'd approve of.

Hopefully, they would get swept away in the process.

"breaking perhaps as many as

"breaking perhaps as many as 1.2 million windows according to some estimates. This is expected to provide the economy the boost it needs as we head into the home stretch, favoring the incumbent."

Knocked it out of the park with this one.

Southern Agrarian

Yet another great post!

Bill, you really ought to get yourself a satirical blog. Great stuff.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." - Anonymous
http://youtu.be/cjkvC9qr0cc

lol

great post.

Link?

Please? Or is this satire? Love the "temporarily placed in indefinite detention" bit.

"Moderation in temper is always a virtue; but moderation in principle is always a vice." -- Thomas Paine

Here

Thanks ^_^

I take things too seriously.

"Moderation in temper is always a virtue; but moderation in principle is always a vice." -- Thomas Paine

Will Romney still be allowed to give his signature 'Icy Stares'

when Obama speaks?

They're his signature move but I don't think we can afford the risk at this juncture.

Defeat the panda-industrial complex

I am dusk icon. anagram me.

oh you mean his stare of

oh you mean his stare of disdain for all humanity? "stop talking you worm. do you see this hair? do you see it? enough said."

Yeah, that's the one.

Maybe he could save them up for Ohio and use them on the tornadoes that will result from Sandy.

If that doesn't work maybe Derek Zoolander and he could team up:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D519hT7-ytY

Defeat the panda-industrial complex

I am dusk icon. anagram me.

Good stuff.

I approve, Billeh. My thoughts go out to everyone in the storm's path, ESPECIALLY if politicians flock there.

But I predict there will be some butthurt. "HURRICANES ARE SRS! STOP HAVING HUMOR."

ty nins. if people people

ty nins. if people people didnt get upet it just wouldnt be as funneh

Good, Witty Article

Anna is an angel