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Government to Ban White Snowsuits for Children 6 Years And Under

Existential Quandaries Cited in Landmark Decision

In a top-secret internal memo which has been denied by every single agency of government, snow-white colored snow pants, snow suits, and other snow-play apparel-type clothing and accessories will be banned for sale to, by, for, from, or for the wearing of any American person or persons age 6 and under.

"Allowing small children to wear pure white snowsuits, especially in the winter months when there is snow on the ground, which is also white, is irresponsible and unacceptable. What are these parents thinking?" said an unnamed official for a government agency which will neither confirm nor deny its own existence.

"I mean, are you kidding me? This is a clear-cut judgement call. Kids under 6 are too dumb to know that going out into a blizzard dressed all in white is basically a 2-ingredient recipe for suicide. And everybody knows that the average American parent is too dumb to realize that 6-year-old child plus all-white snowsuit = latenight search party and a candlelit vigil 3 days later."

Critics applauded the decision, and speculated on what else the 2013 ban of things-unsafe-for-the-average-American-to-have would consist of. Top guesses included:

-Toothpicks with pointy tips
-pencils with pointy tips
-guns
-staple guns
-staplers - all types
-driver's licenses
-library cards
-Daily Paul memberships
-paint guns
-self-lighting tiki torches
-monkey traps
-glue



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dental floss

and carrots

pale

imitation...

Pandacentricism will be our downfall.

I wonder

how wise central planners stopped at age 6. Are not elderly also in danger to be lost? The itch to micro-manage others and the rightious feeling to do unselfish things for the sake of love to one's neighbor or the "common good" result in a mind void of full rational capacity. The government clerk behind the memo could easily be a socialist-progressive or deeply religious person with humility and love.

It's sad when your government is so pathetic

that you don't immediately recognize threads like this as satire.

I didn't.

I'm getting into the habbit

of checking for the satire tag whenever I see a post like this.

True - it is ridiculous and nonsensical

Unlike government.

Pandacentricism will be our downfall.

My precise reaction

when I read this, too.

Leak-Ender 2000

Skibbidy dibbidy.

Pandacentricism will be our downfall.

good idea

but could we not instead spend trillions on unproven weather modification in the vain hope that we can

a)stop snow
b)prove global warming is real

This is humor written all over it.

No sources... no credibility for this topic.

...Good Catch...

:) !!!

Pandacentricism will be our downfall.

For the humorously disinclined...

the idea for this post came when my mom mentioned that she was selling a pair of snowpants on her ebay used kids clothes store. She showed me the ad and asked if I thought they were black or dark blue. I said I don't know but they sure aren't white - that would be ridiculous - white snow gear for a little kid - how could the government which loves us and wants us to be safe ever allow such a thing?

...Thus is born a thread on the Daily Paul.

Pandacentricism will be our downfall.

ecorob's picture

duct tape...

freezers

shoes with shoe strings

belts

forks, knives (spoons, ok)

(sounds like jail, doesn't it?)

head phones

i could go on...

its 'cos I owe ya, my young friend...
Rockin' the FREE world in Tennessee since 1957!
9/11 Truth.

You are just going to trip

You are just going to trip over your shoe strings any ways. You could fall and hit your head on something in your own home, or worse, die!
From here on out, all shoes will have......VELCRO!

Southern Agrarian

I hear the 'spork' was actually invented by someone in jail

...the original 'multi-tool'...

Pandacentricism will be our downfall.

when will they ban them

for adults? my family and neighbors spent two days looking for me back in the storm of 09.

"The two weakest arguments for any issue on the House floor are moral and constitutional"
Ron Paul

OM Goodness Did Anyone Ever Find You...

...

That's terrible. That's not funny...

Pandacentricism will be our downfall.

yes

by the second day the white suit was illuminated due to the easy, er, soiling of the white fabric.
it was a scary time.

"The two weakest arguments for any issue on the House floor are moral and constitutional"
Ron Paul

Another reason to not eat the yellow snow...

could be a man-child who's simply lost his way...

Pandacentricism will be our downfall.

it's easy

to become disoriented making snow angels. next thing you it's dark. now what do you do?

"The two weakest arguments for any issue on the House floor are moral and constitutional"
Ron Paul

This can't be real...

What is this, some kind of joke that's supposed to make us think about real issues at the same time?

Pandacentricism will be our downfall.