Write-In Satan CampaignSubmitted by BILL3 on Mon, 11/05/2012 - 19:07
While pondering over tomorrow's election, considering the different candidates, possible write ins, pros and cons of each, I decided that all things considered, I'm going to take the honest, principled stand. I'm not going to waste my vote on the lesser of two evils.
If I'm going to partake in evil, to condone and endorse evil, I'm going to go all the way. I'm going to write in Satan. Yes, the Prince of Darkness.
Let me explain.
Most of us realize that only two candidates have a realistic chance of winning. The third party candidates have their pros and cons, and none are ideal. So we have a choice of making a principled conscience vote or write in, or voting for the lesser of two evils among the two who can win.
Most people will choose to vote for who they consider the lesser of two evils. But there is a third option. If you're going to vote for evil, and participate in a process that produces and sanctions evil, the principled thing to do is go all in, to vote for the greater rather than the lesser evil. Who could be a better representative of our democratic virtues than Him, the Evil One himself?
Satan has a number of clear advantages.
The character of our political system has three salient features, each corresponding to a stage in the process. The campaign, the period in office, and the legacy of the elected leader.
The first stage, the campaign, embodies the evil virtue of Deceit. It selects for the greater liar, tempter and deceiver. The greatest rewards flow to the greatest practitioner of the virtue of deception, so key to our democratic process. Who better than the Father of Lies to exemplify and represent this virtue?
The second stage in our political system is the period in office. The purpose of this stage is theft on a grand scale, both for the personal aggrandizement of the office holder and the looting of its public and private resources for the benefit of those who are most engaged and invested in the process.
While there are many other contenders who are well suited and skilled in theft, Satan lays over them in both substance and style. The other contenders can only rob you of your dignity and honor tomorrow. When you grip your hand on that dirty lever, you give up both. But only Satan can rob your soul along with it.
Finally, the legacy of any great leader today is surely commensurate with his body count. The measure of greatness for every reign of glory is a heap of mangled corpses. In the long run, looking backward and summing up, the ability of the average man to participate in mass murder on an immense scale, to really feel part of it, is one of democracy's crowning achievements. The evil virtue of Murder is the prized and coveted laurel of any real master at the game. Could any possible opponent really compete with Satan in the domain of showering death upon the innocent?
Formalism is the great sunlight and disinfectant in politics. To bring things aboveboard and into the open, to make the real nature of the system correspond to its stated purpose, to make the de facto, de jure.
Tomorrow, I want you all to look deep within your conscience, examine your relationship with this political system, consider the inadequacy of its representatives, their half hardheartedness and wishy washy commitment to it. Their shallow embrace of its evil nature.
Put aside the impulse to do the practical thing, to compromise, to choose the lesser evil in a system that attracts, rewards and produces evil. Vote for the greater of all evils, pick the true heir and representative of the machinery of lies, theft and mass murder.
Vote Satan, and unburden your conscience. You will sleep better.