3 votes

The Real News Tonight Is Roseanne Barr Took 5th Place!

5th place is what we got last time. Roseanne Barr beat Rocky Anderson!

At first she was really looking good. When the east coast started reporting she had 3rd place! For real! Above Gary Johnson! Then she took a dive going over the heartland and started jumping wildly from 6th to 9th place before the West Coast picked her up out of the gutter and placed her in this very overly respectable 5th.

Now when we elected our fist actor to major office, Ronnie Reagan, I was pretty sick to my stomach and I still have trouble with the election of a professional wrestler and The Terminator to governorships but now...wells, anybody with their mug on camera can at least make a good showing.

Why not ballerinas or concert musicians or painters or other fine artists? Are actors the only ones truly capable of leading this nation? Why not the pizza guy? Everybody loves Luigi the Pizza Guy!




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Roseanne is hilarious.

That said, I still don't think she'd make a good president.

I am a satirist on the Daily Paul Web Forum

and I know for a fact Roseanne and I would be best of friends if we ever met.

Can I be president now?

why are pandas exempt from RICO statutes?

Yes, Roseanne is the woman of

Yes, Roseanne is the woman of my dreams.

Did you say you were the resident satirist?

And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.

either that or a Nobel

they are giving those out to just anybody these days.

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