Romney's Revenge (satire)Submitted by Chris Oopsiedaiski on Wed, 11/07/2012 - 19:10
A leaked memo, purportedly from the highest level of the Romney organization is making waves throughout the blogosphere and social media, one day after aspirations to the highest office in the land were dashed by incumbent president Barack Obama.
Written in hastily scribbled longhand, the memo calls upon all senior Romney staff to stop packing up their stuff immediately, as 'we ain't goin' nowhere'.
'I've still got all you guys on my payroll till at least 2016' it states, 'bet you wish you'd read the fine print now, don't you? At last count I've still got about $120 million in the coffers, plenty of blue jeans and hard hats, and a private plane that's gassed up and ready to go'.
The memo goes on to detail an elaborate plan involving the purchase of every available minute of advertising time on tv, radio, and online videos. A print campaign is also planned which would consist of full page ads comprising dozens of images of the former presidential hopeful with the words 'remember me?' written in a red gothic-style font with blood droplets hanging off the bottom.
'I want to put together some radio and tv spots that would have the words "I'm Mitt Romney" with "Willard, Willard" looping simultaneously and played at fast speed in a dissonant chord - whatever it takes to make the American people feel as crazy as I do every day. Also, I've heard that some images that flash at a perticular (sic) rate on tv can cause seizures. I definitely want to do that'.
'Also, as of today I am the official spokesperson for every single company I own or control. I want my face on every single city bus, every subway car, every Subway sandwich wrapper, every beer coaster, and tattooed to the inside of every American's eyelids'.
'The world will taste my vengeance' the memo concludes.