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Translating the declaration of independence into something that can be understood by people educated in government schools.

The webcomic xkcd recently featured a diagram that explained the Saturn V rocket, using only the 1000 most commonly used words in the English language:

http://xkcd.com/1133/

This inspired someone to make an online text editor, which will let you know if any of the words you type or paste into it aren't one of the 1000 most used. Take a look at it here:

http://splasho.com/upgoer5/

I used this editor to dumb down the preamble to the Declaration of Independence up-goer 5 style. This is what I came up with.
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When in the course of things that happen to people, some people decide they need to break from their old way of deciding who gets what, and to become their own thing in the powers of the world, the totally-a-different-thing- from, yet still-the-same-order-as, state to which both the hard wrapper around what things in the world can happen, and of the world's God say they can have, then if it is important to them what people think, it means that they should say what the causes are which make them want to not part of the old bigger group anymore.

2.1 We hold these truths to be seen obviously, that all men were made the same, that they are given by the thing that made them with sure rights which can't be taken by another party, that some of these are life, being free to decide what one should do right now, and the chase of the state of being happy.

2.2 That to make sure these rights are theirs, classes of people that can use force to make other people do stuff are made by men, getting their just powers only because the people that are being made to do stuff say it is okay. That when any form of making people do or not do stuff causes trouble for meeting these ends, it is the right of the people to change it or make it not be a thing anymore, and to make a new way of forcing others to do things, laying its bottom part on such ideas and putting order to its powers in such form, so that to them it seems like it gives them the biggest chance of being safe and happy.
2.3 Reason, true enough, will say that ways of forcing people to do or not do things that are around for a long time should not be changed for any old reason; and everything that people have seen happen has shown, that people have a bigger chance to not like things, while bad things are around to not be liked, than to right themselves by doing away with the forms that they are used to.
2.4 But when a long train of mean and not right things get done and things are taken in a not right way, chasing after the same thing always shows why a plan to make them smaller under the most not-the-same- between-people way of being in power that is possible, it is their right, and it is a thing they really should do, to throw off such a way of making people do or not do things, and to get ways for having new guards for them to be safe in times that happen any time after right now.
2.5 Such has been the long-waiting bother of these groups of people; and such is now the need that they have which makes them have to change their old ways of getting people to do or not do things. The stuff that happened of the present person in power of Great 'Britain' is a story of repeated hurting and not right taking, all of which has a straight up problem with the very making of the most bad use of power over these States. To show why this is true, let facts be given to a true-talking world.