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Dying Poor: Haute Couture Or Strictly Banal?

Howdy I'm Smudge Pot and a few years back they told me I had months to live. That was a hoot. It had been years since I'd seen a doctor but my then job provided me with something I'd never had before: medical benefits. So I decide to go get a checkup and I get a hell of a bill and then find out the employer had terminated the medical benefits and neglected to tell anybody about it.

So I spent some time working to pay off that bill. I used to joke that they had me paying to die but it wasn't very funny at the time. I truly experienced the vanishing benefits: I had health insurance until I needed it. It's truly like pulling the parachute cord and instead of a parachute an I.O.U. flutters out into the breeze. But anyways I paid them for having stabbed me and jabbed me and told me there's no hope. Gotta love these people.

Anyways so life since then has been about compensating for increasing disability and I happen to have one of those "lucky ticket" diseases from a state perspective: not so much in the state where I live but there are states I could move to and basically get A FREE RIDE. I can have pretty much everything they can throw at me: food stamps, health care, disability checks, maybe housing or a room to die in and a blanket to die on. I mean I am told I don't have to work.

In other words the state will pay me to die. And I know many people in way better shape than I am the state pays to live with it's EBT food stamp cards. I'm told they give out these cards so people don't have to feel humiliated in the checkout line. I'll tell you what humiliating is: to have worked at brutally hard physical jobs all my life and now everything I had to show for it has been bartered, sold or pawned as life slowly slips away and there's less and less I can do to market myself. I spent a lifetime preparing for exactly this time, TEOTWAWKI and here it is and I'm too sick to get out of bed some days. Know what it is? It's damn embarrassing, that's what it is.

I even sent out the letter to all my friends telling them basically syonara, see ya later bye but this body that served me so well into middle age seems to have such tenacity. My body is in full deployment, it's fighting for IT'S life. Ok so it's again kinda embarrassing to keep living after announcing your own imminent demise but honestly, I don't think this body will stop trying to live if I told it to. It gets beat all to hell but it gets back up. Each time a little slower and it don't get back up quite and high but my body clearly intends to concede inch by inch and it's gonna make somebody work for each one. And where the body can't quite cut it, my brain goes in and basically makes excuses and buys more time. Primarily to clients and customers. It's a losing battle but my brain honestly has to pitch in and literally give it all we got.

All we got left. I seem to have a bodily democracy going. Majority rules. I intend or we intend in some way to work until we can work no longer. And I will try to whittle life down as best I can until I am down to a sleeping bag and a tent and whichever dog is still with me. My retirement package is an early grave. A life of hard work and I will die poor as the dirt. Which is about as distinctive in human experience as the dirt itself, ashes to ashes and dust to dust. It's about as banal an experience as one might hope to pay for. Like a very cheesy movie you just can't wait to end so you can go home and get dinner.

But there's the crux. I sense a major trade off here.

See my family is in remission. From this planet. It's not just me and it's not just disease. We basically are pulling up stakes and it's a process of about 3 generations. We're liquidating and leaving very little behind. And the state can watch our dust. See here's the thing: we will have only one thing left on this planet: our grave sites and surprisingly (to me anyways and I don't exactly know what I did right to deserve this) but I have been informed that I don't have a place to lie in, I have 3 OF THEM!

I GET TO LIE WITH MY PATRIARCHY, MY MATRIARCHY AND MY TRIBE. I GET MY PICK. I only wish there were 3 of me because I'd like to be all 3 places.

If the state owns my bones I'll probably never make it home. They will likely throw me in a dumpster. And that to me is a fate so much worse than death. And how odd to consider that I will die "poor" but have what even the richest men might not have: do simply be with the people I love and in the land we love with all our hearts.

When you sign government documents, to take their help you sign away your life. You become their property. You incur a debt and they take it back of your flesh and of your bones. They make you theirs. And I'm not gonna be theirs. I'm gonna be ours. And we're gonna be yours.

My name is Smudge Pot and I don't think I can go before we tell certain stories. The last of our stories. These things belong to you not the state and no corporation. We are the people, the Oyate and they are not.

And I don't think my story is very different from yours. And get this what might be the final irony: the IRS has convinced itself I owe them tons of money for money I never made so they are busy calculating interest and penalties on my dying ass just as merrily as an elven wristwatch clock...and they don't know where I'm gonna be buried. That's a secret they will never know.

Imagine their chagrin not knowing where to tax my dead ass. Maybe those pansy blood sucking vampires will read this and come and take my sleeping bag. They might as well try. If things go to plan they will never know I'm dead for I intend to die the old way. I don't need a death certificate.

Where I'm going I got all the credentials I need. And I don't need or want the government's permission to do so. And in this I guess I'm downright fashionable. Haute Couture.


Mitakuye Oyasin.

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I'm not sure why you couldn't e-mail me. I would have

e-mailed you instead of leaving a comment, but sometimes people use "trash" addresses when becoming a forum member (I don't blame 'em). I just wanted to make sure you got my message. Thankyou very much for your response.

God does love and pursue all human beings. He wants a relationship with us but our sin separates us.

I read a parable once about a benevolent king who ruled his people wisely and they all loved him. Well, almost all. There was a small group of rebels who secretly tried to overthrow his rule. The king had passed a law saying that anyone guilty of treason would have his eyes put out.

One day a young man was brought before the court to be tried for treason. Rumor had it that he was the ringleader of the rebels. The court lawyers had his face covered to assure that justice would be accomplished. The king heard the overwhelmingly incriminating evidence. When it came time to pass sentence the lawyers removed the hood to reveal the king’s own son.

With great restraint of his emotions, he announced he would pronounce judgment in twenty-four hours. During this time, word of the situation spread throughout the kingdom. There was much speculation about what the king would do. Some said he was such a just and righteous king, he would not only put out the son’s eyes, but have him executed as well. Others said He was so loving, he would yield to his feelings toward his son and free him unharmed. Some said he would elicit a promise of allegiance and then set aside the penalty of the law.

The king found himself in a dilemma. Having blinded others for the same offense, how could he make an exception for his son? People would no longer respect his rule. His son would probably even grow bolder in his rebellion. But, how could he shut off all feelings of love and compassion toward his own flesh and blood? Would life have any further meaning for a father?

Twenty four hours later, court was reconvened. The king was the last to enter the chamber. He was led blindfolded as his son had been the previous day, to the throne. He began recounting the evidence, and just as he began to pass sentence he reached up and slipped the hood from his head.

The audience fell back in revulsion as they saw the two gaping, bloody holes where royal eyes had once been. The king asked the people if general justice had been served. They agreed it had been. The king had found a way to be faithful to his law, maintaining its integrity, AND a way to satisfy his love for his son.

This, my friend, is what God has done for us sinful human beings. All he calls us to do is believe that His gift of love (Jesus Christ's death on the cross) is everything we need to save our souls.

Christians should not be warmongers! http://www.lewrockwell.com/vance/vance87.html

thank you--

Yes, I do understand, and your words are inspiring--

it's hard to be awake; it's easier to dream--


Cool posts deserve bumps.

LL on Twitter: http://twitter.com/LibertyPoet
sometimes LL can suck & sometimes LL rocks!
Love won! Deliverance from Tyranny is on the way! Col. 2:13-15

You remind me of my father

He was hunted down by the irs for money they say he owed but it was all lies. He was the 1% in his job as a stock broker until his disability claimed him and set him in a wheelchair. In order to dodge them he spent his money lavishly so it could not be taken away from his account. By the time they got the hounds off him, he had spent himself into ruin, taking his family down with him.

You sound much wiser than my father though. He clung too much to the past and failed to see the gift he had of his family, it wreaked havoc on his ego to not be that big important person he used to be. If only he had the sense you had that at the end of our days we all return to dust, maybe he wouldnt have been so bitter in the last days of his life.

You are suffering a lot and I can relate. Love your family to the best of your ability every day and have peace in your heart knowing that that love is enough. Dont cling to anything of this world when that time is upon you. Dont cling to titles and wordly possesions. They will consume you. Whatever money you have in your pocket when you die, you will die a free man because of the strength of your spirit.

God bless, smudge pot

Lady I am sorry. But this time the fight is different.

Lady, first of all honor to your father. He fought a battle in a time when we had to battle alone. Now we have other tools at our disposal.

Honest? If the IRS comes and takes my sleeping bag I'm gonna have a battery of videographers and I'm gonna yell and scream and cry and hon, dig, what are they gonna do? Kill me? LOLS. Hey the worst they can do to me is give me some degree, ANY DEGREE OF MEDICAL CARE IS MORE THAN I GET NOW and I'm told there are such things as mattresses with blankets. Sounds OK to me.

Maybe there are such things as windows. Maybe the sun shines in those windows some place. What seems obvious is that the only people that are really there are those who truly want to be there and that would be CO's, Corrections Officers and jailers. Those are the people who truly seem to want to be in jail. They want to be there so much that they voluntarily wake up in the morning and buy gas and put themselves in jail.

Tell me if I'm wrong but most other people in jail want to get out but these people can't wait to get in.

As far as worldly possessions, a whole bunch of predetermined things happen when I die. Certain responsibilities shift, certain possessions will be taken quickly and rededicated. That will happen before anybody generally knows I died. There are certain properties which I don't really own and it's imperative these be recovered.

It's said that living well is the best revenge and I must stand and be grateful before all people, I am very fortunate. I have brothers that love me and listen and we are building businesses. I'm trying to do the managerial thing which is basically working by proxy. How do I know who to hire? I hire the young men that remind me of me: balls to the walls sick work animals that want to master every trade like they want to be me some day. And it's working. These guys are having kids. They are building families. Legacy? No problem. It's all going to plan.

In one aspect the plan has room for me. And to counter my one greatest fear. It's said everybody has a great fear. My great fear is to die alone and not in the presence of my people who will activate the various promises. It's synonymous to me with dying of thirst and nobody to bring me a drink of water. If I die alone something has gone very wrong.

I guess the best insurance I have is friends. And picking out the ones I will spend the rest of my energies on.

It's not such a bad thing to be a Smudge Pot. So the stories I will tell I think will be called There Is Still A Mountain.

And it will be published as fiction.

Be brave, be brave, the Myan pilot needs no aeroplane.

Hey! I have that t-shirt too.

Hey! I have that t-shirt too. Except, I took the help, the SS, the medicare, the food stamps etc. Hell, I busted my butt my entire life until I became disabled, so I earned it. Watch out for the IRS though. Should you decide to take the SS they will attach your measly income for what they perceive you owe them. They did the same to me when I became disabled. All of a sudden, they decided I owed taxes on income I'd never made. Apparently, judging from the same thing happening to you, its a racket they've devised to soak you one more time for money since they know you won't be earning anymore in the future.

With all that said, I'm sorry to hear about your struggle. It sounds like you're a strong person though, so I know you'll persevere. Take care of yourself and live the best you can. All we have is today.

Blessings )o(