6 votes

The police dept. believes you may responsibly get baked, order some pizzas?

Ever see a government agency try to project the image that they are "hip" and "with it"? Some of the most monumentally colossal public relations failures have resulted from same. Government work from the highest high to it's lowest low seems forever doomed to be tragically un-hip. To say nothing of government workers themselves who lack, by way of trade or genetics, the various qualities of humour, warmth, compassion, creativity and seemingly pulse and respirations.

What I'm looking at now is producing some heavy cognitive dissonance, this can't be reality, I must be flashing back to the acid days or someone has contrived a heck of a clever spoof. For on a website officially URId http://spdblotter.seattle.gov I am reading what can only be described as...smoking hot hip. It's bouncy, it's fun, it reads like a twirl on a dune buggy or an adults-only hayride. The subject is the official police position on marijuana use and I promise you it's unlike anything you have ever read from a police department ANYWHERE AND ANY TIME IN ALL OF HISTORY. Check some of these quotable quotes.

"The department’s going to give you a generous grace period to help you adjust to this brave, new, and maybe kinda stoned world we live in."

Nice catch line eh? Really? A police department being "generous" plus the words "help" and "you" should make any libertarian reach for his bugout bag. "We're the government and we're here to help" is our equivalent of Arbight Mach Fie on the gates of Auschwitz. Or FEMA camp, take your pick. But the ride is just getting started. But first, buckle your seat belt (safety first!) and let's have some clarity here.

"Does this mean you should flagrantly roll up a mega-spliff and light up in the middle of the street?"

I mean let's just get down to business shall we? And where did these guys pick up the lingo? What about the stiff prick terms like "ingest Schedule II Narcotics" of "consuming intoxicating substances"? It's like they suddenly have no need to be perceived as pseudo-scientists lost on the planet Vulcan. Well let's get this question answered. A simple NO will suffice but the standard "under no circumstances and under penalty of law" language is shortly to follow right? You be the judge.

"But the police department believes that, under state law, you may responsibly get baked, order some pizzas and enjoy a Lord of the Rings marathon in the privacy of your own home, if you want to."

OK no way dude. This is so not happening. I smell smoke. Something is burning and it's not incense. THAT'S MY BRAIN ON THE SEATTLE POLICE DEPARTMENT. And...I'm pretty sure...I'm tripping.

(Waves hands in front of face looking for trails, looks out window, is the ground breathing? Listens hard for sitar music...)

One thing to look for when you are completely tripping and you aren't certain what is the trip and what is reality, like if you suspect you are lost in total-world-transformation hallucinations is you look for logical inconsistencies like pink elephants or in this case perhaps technicolour pigs. Something will clue you in, tip you off, help you see through the façade because TRIPS DON'T LAST FOREVER. That's rule number one in tripping, it doesn't last, it's temporary, you come down, you come back into something like reality.

But wait, for a closer, Seattle PD wants us to "remember, folks: the dude abides, and so can you!". Yeah, the Dude. They even got a pic of him right in the article. The Dude. The Great Lubowski. But there you have it. The tip off. They so had to blow it right at that final moment. Dudes. Remember folks the dude abides and so can you? That's like George W. Bush's version right? The statement, and here we are schooling you again which is totally killing the buzz, is The Dude Abides so the proper form would have been "Dude, Abide" with the Lubowski pic underneath and since your uh...intended audience is basically us, we would have so totally got it. Dude. Irony. It's CRUCIAL. Which naturally bounces this ball right back into our little candyland because cops trying to be hip is in itself such a basic irony as to be a meme or common literary/cinematic trope. MCLOVIN BAILED ON US BRO!!!

And our little joyride has come to a stop just as all psychedelic experiences do, leaving us the same but somehow permanently different for better or worse. Perhaps more enlightened or possibly more jaded than ever. All I can say about this is like my previous drug experiences,

I'm not sorry I did it.

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there was an argument in chat about hipness

Not Hippies, hip-ness.

And so i dredge this post up from the morgue for Sunday reading. Light Sunday reading. About drugs. Very nice Smudge.

Most of those who think so actually don't and most of those who think sew actually rip.

As an afterthough, why LOTR?

If they really were in the know they'd have said Idiocracy.

Most of those who think so actually don't and most of those who think sew actually rip.