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I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother

Gawker: Three days before 20-year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year-old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants.

"I can wear these pants," he said, his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.

"They are navy blue," I told him. "Your school's dress code says black or khaki pants only."

"They told me I could wear these," he insisted. "You're a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!"

"You can't wear whatever pants you want to," I said, my tone affable, reasonable. "And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You're grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school."

I live with a son who is mentally ill. I love my son. But he terrifies me.


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t0mmy, I don't doubt your sincerity, but

your arguing using semantics (being "created equal" is not synonymous with being "the same"), your presumptuousness (what's all this about "punishment?"), your obsession with rights, and your lack of common sense in lieu of knowledge as to child development, i.e., children's changing physical, emotional, and cognitive needs at each stage (newborn, infant, toddler, preschooler, elementary schooler, pre-adolescent, adolescent, and young adult) - whether attributable to your age/life experience or otherwise... makes it impossible to have an intelligent discussion here. Just know that you're not alone: over recent decades, the failing public school system has adopted a similar view, now treating even kindergarteners as if "miniature adults" when they are not. All I can say is, if you are, or will be, a parent, I only wish you the same joy in that capacity as I've been fortunate to have had. Take care. God bless. And happy new year.

When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe.
~ John Muir


1) re: "Arguing using semantics"
Next time your rights are put into question we'll use your logic: That you are created equal, but not "the same". Now I can say I am better than you, therefore I have say over what you can or cannot do, you are not "the same" as me.

This would not apply to me, because I do not argue semantics.

2) re: "Presumptuousness"
To answer your question what is this about "punishment" - Violent aggression is what results from attempted control. When I ask you how you intend to control your children when they act of their own free will and play Grand Theft Auto and you tell them "No" and they give you the finger, what do you do? Control attempts are aggressions, they are violent in nature, and violence is not justified with reason and love, it is backed by fear and more violence. Punishment and control grabs go hand in hand, my friend. Go on and tell me what lengths you would go to force your child to not play Grand Theft Auto and listen to yourself very carefully.

3) re: "Obsession with rights and lack of common sense"
Come now, you must know this is an ad hominem attack. Such an attack simply mars your argument and puts it into a logical waste bin. Or maybe you didn't know it was an ad hominem attack? Maybe you are unaware of the ramifications of such a fallacy? See, when you hit a fallacy your argument is done for, it dies. This goes double for ad hominems.

4) re: "Impossible for an intelligent discussion here"
Unfortunately, another ad hominem. The logic you use degenerate into fallacy, symptomatic of an aggressive behavior which I would assume is the same behavior we would see you use with your children. Instead of reasoning blame is used to discredit, no doubt a habit of punishment picked up from your own parents who were subject to similar treatment. Alas.
The irony of the last ad hominem is that it holds true... that it appears there is no intelligent discussion to be found here. Intelligent discussion has no room for fallacious arguments contrived through aggressive control attempts.

Contact me when you are ready to have an intelligent conversation. I will be happy to pick up with this when you are.

The problem is, where does

The problem is, where does the responsiblity come into play/

When the child does a crime, the child is punished. Not the adult. The responsibility the parent has is thrown out the window.

Plan for eliminating the national debt in 10-20 years:

Overview: http://rolexian.wordpress.com/2010/09/12/my-plan-for-reducin...

Specific cuts; defense spending: http://rolexian.wordpress.com/2011/01/03/more-detailed-look-a

Re parents, I don't know what you mean.

Parents aren't held "legally" responsible for the illegal actions of their children (thefts, destruction of property, injury to others...). And homelife isn't the only influence on a child, whose time is split between home and school M-F. However, parents have the responsibility of raising their children. Some 3-10 million "latchkey' children (good luck trying to get a figure) come home to empty homes and spend hours and hours watching videos and playing computer games - as can be the case where a parent is at home, too! Literally, we have a nation of children entertaining themselves to death. You don't expect children to "self monitor" their media; that's a parent's responsibility.

When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe.
~ John Muir