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Tomorrow I bury my father and I don't feel like it.

Get a haircut. Pick up the dry cleaning. Arrange for car service. Make sure the animals have food. Tell the clients they have to wait. Watch people moving up and down on stairs, escalators, elevators. How can we spend so much time on elevators and not be elevated? Why do we call them escalators when 50% of the time they go DOWN? Shouldn't those be called de-escalators? People zooming across the land in cars, trains, they zoom in trains under ground, we zoom about in the air.

What's the point of going someplace when all you are gonna do is return to the point you started at?

Buy a book to read on the airplane. Pick a topic. What am I interested in? How about total avoidance of reality? Do they make a book like that? No? Why not? Wait don't tell me, they avoided writing it.

They say when the going gets tough, the tough get going. I trust my credentials as a total wimpasaurus are certified because I don't feel like going anywhere and I don't really feel like doing anything.

I'm told my "father", the great man is now a small pile of ashes. He's the first in our whole family history to be cremated. Pretty radical departure from tradition. Our "bones are supposed to lie with the bones of our ancestors" but what's the point now? I'm going to travel about 3000 miles to let people tell me they are sorry. Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything wrong. Nobody did anything wrong. Some problems have no solution. This isn't an equation, it's command line.

cat MyDadsLife.txt > dev null

All the sudden I'm a 47 year old child and I'm doing everything for the first time--without my dad. First time waking up without my dad. First time brushing my teeth without my dad. He taught me how to do this the first time when life was all about first times and now it's all first times again. How does that work? Well it just did. It's like coming out of the bathroom to find somebody repainted the whole house. Same house, totally different colour. Hey wait a minute here...is this another joke?

What is deadly serious to a family that spent so much of our time in laughter? Think I go off on a tear sometimes? Man you should have seen us together. All the sudden I can't remember what we were laughing about but it was pretty dang funny. We used to pray together and sing together too. Did most everything together.

My sense of humour leaves many people flat but pop always laughed at my jokes (hint: I'm very seldom not joking, even when I'm serious there's almost always a wink or a goose-you-in-the-ribs deal going on). My remaining brothers, we're coming up with jokes. How do we contrive to get a whoopee cushion under the pastor's chair seat? My brother Kev says he wants to sit in the back and at the most solemn moment rip open a bag of Doritos. Crunch crunch crunch nom nom nom nom.

Spent a good part of my life trying to impress him and live up to his example but what's my example now? A Mason jar full of ashes? I dunno. I have never done this before. Without my dad. And all the sudden it's just not as fun as it used to be. I guess that right there is a legit problem. Somebody once told me the very last sound that this entire universe will hear will be the voice of a human complaining about it. I guess I still feel somewhat compelled to modify that eventuality, I'd like the last sound emitted by this universe to be the sound of human laughter.

I am very sorry for those who's lives seem full of pain and suffering. I don't know why it has to be so. Another thing, my dad's passing was anything but sudden and I had lots of time to "prepare" and as a spiritual counselor, I knew that no matter how prepared I thought I was, I'd have to deal with it as a new phenomenon and I kinda hoped I would bear it with some modicum of dignity. Well so much for that. But at the very least this makes me somewhat more qualified because now I can more truly relate to the suffering of others. And in some metric of which I have no understanding, I'm a little bit grateful for that. And all the sudden I'm aware that unlike other deaths, untimely or tragic deaths that made me angry and shake my fist to the heavens and say WHY GOD, WHY? this time I'm not in the least bit angry. Pop lived a very full and long life. It's not tragic, it's as natural as sitting down. On a cactus.

Some author dude, I think his name is Sherman something or other once wrote "there are no absolutes in human suffering; things can always get worse". At the time when I read that I said to myself "now here is a man who knows what he's talking about" but now I consider how for me this is un-worst. This is way un-worst. It's been worser. The pain I am about to endure is gonna be excruciating because I got a pinched nerve in my back and I dread that airplane ride.

Wells I guess that's all I got to say. Now I gotta travel 3000 miles to let people have their say and they will say things like "sorry" and "what do you say at a time like this?"

That's what you say at a time like this and know what? It actually helps. It's very kind of you. Cause now I understand the sentiment behind the words, the words are inadequate but the fact that you care means a whole lot, it means everything, the whole world right now.

-Smudge Pot

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Here a big hug for you my friend

"No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow."
- Euripides

LL on Twitter: http://twitter.com/LibertyPoet
sometimes LL can suck & sometimes LL rocks!
Love won! Deliverance from Tyranny is on the way! Col. 2:13-15

Another favorite punching bag of the movement

You, Granger, Fishy. Are warriors.


Most of those who think so actually don't and most of those who think sew actually rip.

just wrote a poem

Brother Thank you for the wonderful feedback on my work & Fishy&Granger's!

Just wrote this:

LL on Twitter: http://twitter.com/LibertyPoet
sometimes LL can suck & sometimes LL rocks!
Love won! Deliverance from Tyranny is on the way! Col. 2:13-15

Sorry for your loss.

It may not seem like it right now, but death is also a part of life. Because we are typically so insulated front this reality in America, death comes to us like an alien invader and we have no tools to respond in our toolbox of experiences.

Our own mortality comes into question when a family member passes away. You will emerge from the experience a changed person, I can almost guarantee that.

this sounds familiar--

we had a lot of time to prepare for my father's death, too--

and his death was a relief (for him, certainly), because he had suffered so much for so long, and it was also good to know he didn't have to suffer anymore--

It was my last flight, going almost as far away for his funeral, into alien territory, in some ways, back into my distant, distant past--

away from the life I've formed for myself and my spouse and immediate family in a place my father never once set foot--

We were close; we were friends; we understood each other--

and it was hard to see him unliving; he had always been so alive, such a 'character' and a very brilliant man, also with a unique sense of humor.

So, you know what we did? We laughed--

Some people were shocked, but we laughed, and we made people laugh--

two of my siblings and I did, anyway; the other sibling sat there, looking very disapproving of it all, but we didn't care; we had the program, and we did a tribute to dad full of laughter and song (not funeral songs, either, but the songs he knew and loved)--

one older aunt (now finally dead) also heavily disapproved of it--

but the laughter was good--

and pastors can bend a little--

this is for the family after all--

Thank you for taking the time to write this--

airplane trips (I vow never to fly again) can be interesting when you are going to put your loved one at 'rest'--

interesting to watch people--

God (however you perceive him/her) bless you--

it's hard to be awake; it's easier to dream--


Are a beautiful reflection of your dad. Your words reveal his love.

I am so sorry


I was 32 when my dad died.

I was stunned how much a "grown up" like me could suddenly feel like a little lost pup - "Where's my daddy?" The trip home would have worn Odysseus out. My husband was sent to NM for continuing ed, I had come along for fun and we flew on different airlines. We could not get on the same flight out, he could barely get a flight out at all. I flew back to Arkansas, picked up the kids and drove to St. Louis - the closest United could get him to Little Rock OR Cincinnati... picked up my husband, then we drove to Ohio.
But I am really glad I made the trip. All the kids made it back, we hugged and laughed and took a lot of comfort from being together. Turns out it would be the last time my siblings would treat me like family, so I am glad I made it. I hope you come home with some warm memories to help offset the acing back.

Love or fear? Choose again with every breath.

Fishy. We actually know each other.

I used to post under a different name.

I send a special message of strength to you today because I see you are getting bashed and trashed by a small cadre or utter creepenoids. I find no favour in my heart for your detractors and I never seen you do anybody any harm.

I'm aware of your challenges but I take inspiration in how you faced them and are overcoming them. And I'm just one of many who got your 6. For life.

Most of those who think so actually don't and most of those who think sew actually rip.

Well so much for me feeling connected to you in

your grief. :)

Patriot Cell #345,168
I don't respond to emails or pm's.
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution, inevitable.

Well now you have my curiousity

Mean we know each other from past dailypaul, or know each other in the real world? Either way, thanks, and I mean that most sincerely.

Love or fear? Choose again with every breath.

i get depress stepping out of my comfort zone

i feel you. thanks for sharing

Sorry for your loss

And thanks for sharing your heart . . .

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Yes, it's true that the words don't cut it. Just know that

people's struggling to express what they are feeling for you and for your father's passing does, however, convey deep love. Just know that you are loved, Smudge Pot, with every "sorry" and "so sorry" you hear.

As far as that unwritten book, seems like you've begun to write it with this post. Please pursue it. Having just lost 3 people close to me, all at about the same time, and now, facing the real possibility of losing my dear husband, I was drawn to your post. Perhaps seeking some answer or more likely trying to find some strength for what I may hear in the next couple of days. Oddly enough, your post gave me a sense of calmness. I can only imagine what that book could do to help so many others, like Dean's wife, Susan, and me, and you, too.

Yes, I care. I care about your pain and that void in the pit of your being that you feel right now. If caring helps, then know many of us in your DP family care.

God bless you.... and God really does have the best sense of humor!

“It is the food which you furnish to your mind that determines the whole character of your life.”
―Emmet Fox

I remember the first time...

for a tiny precious moment I forgot.

They live on in our hearts and our memories, hold them dear.

Sorry Smudge Pot.

The DP is proof that the grassroots support for Ron Paul and his peaceful message of individual liberty is large, real, and not going away!

I'm very sorry for your loss...

I went from being a granchild to being the eldest in my family line in the space of a couple of years. I lost both my mom and dad within 5 months of each other.. I'll tell you it really turns your head around the morning you wake up for the first time and you're IT. Wishing you strength and courage enough to get through this time.

You people out there who still have time to talk and ask questions.. get it done now while you can~

Daughter of 1776 American Revolutionists


been the oldest of my gender in my entire family for a long time now--

being "it" does feel strange--

One of my (younger) siblings (close to me and even a liberty-lover) said a while back when I was sick, "take care of yourself; you're all we've got now"--


it's hard to be awake; it's easier to dream--

They took off the training wheels and at the time we wanted that

Now it's almost like we want them back.

It's like falling and reaching out for support but all you grab is air.

Oh wow man. We're supposed to be the adults now. It's like getting a promotion but all the sudden we have no recollection of having applied for this job in the first place. I never thought of it as a job, I was just doing what came naturally.

I remember the day Pop took the training wheels off which was awesome but I felt like I needed Pop to steady me. And I started pedaling fast and I was like "we're going pretty fast now Pop but I think we can go faster" so I pedaled harder and faster than ever before and I shouted "man Pop we're going pretty fast now ain't we?"

Ain't we Pop?


And I looked over my shoulder and pop wasn't there. By that time he was a half mile behind me but he shouted KEEP GOING!

And I guess that is it in a nutshell. Right. Got it. KEEP GOING.

Most of those who think so actually don't and most of those who think sew actually rip.


that made my face smile and my heart hurt all at the same time~ I miss my folks everyday.. Living on the land where I grew up is sometimes hard..

I spent a lot of time growing up doing things like gardening and tinkering around but now it's clear to me I could have payed a lot more attention and asked a lot more questions. I'm going to buy one of those farmer's almanacs my mom kept by her chair.. hopefully that will help some =)

Daughter of 1776 American Revolutionists

You simply say, "Thank you"

People say they are sorry because they are unable to help ease your pain. I'm sorry I'm unable to ease your pain.

May I suggest C.S. Lewis, "A Grief Observed"? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Grief_Observed

It's OK to not get a haircut, not answer the phone, not brush your teeth, cry in public.. it's ok to lose it.. you have about 6 months to get to a point to "be crazy".. and society gives you a free pass to rearrange you life.. understanding.

I found when my parents died.. magical things happened to me.. "doors opened", opportunities came, miracles... expect the unexpected.

It's as if my parents are able to do things for me in their after life that they could not do for my when they were alive.. you will never get over it, you will always miss him, love him.. and the pain will ease, in time, but the love, never.. it grows stronger.

God Bless you and your family, have a safe trip.

Granger, that is profound--

both parents long gone now, and what you said, about how 'magical' things happen after they die; how things come together--


miracles; yes, they can do more, somehow--

it's hard to be awake; it's easier to dream--

What was profound (((((1988vote)))))))

Was what was happening...

One night within a week of my Mom's death, my Father decided to "entertain us", by playing the movie "UP", which his girlfriend, who my Mother passionately loathed, invited to his house. My Father had this woman sit in my Mom's chair, and he wanted us to accept her.

The movie would not play. No one could figure out what was wrong with the movie.. We were all greiving and my Father was driving us out of our minds forcing this woman on us.. when the woman left.. the movie played.

For weeks.. everywhere I went, lights would flicker.. I was finding things without looking for them.. and my Mom came to me in dreams.. She would tell me.. "I love you very very very very much".

What happened to me and my family.. it would make a great screen play (I've been told many times), because it was so tragic...

To this day, my Mother comes to me in dreams and tells me things, gives me advice.. I hear her voice.. I smell her.. what I can't do is put my arms around her and kiss her a million times.

my parents were very good parents . . .

excellent people in every way--

but there were things about them I did not understand, perhaps because I was the 'child' and immature.

Since the death of both of them (years apart) I have had dreams and experiences that have helped me to understand them--

it's been amazing; I know my parents now. I thought I knew them when they were alive, but now I can't wait to see them again; I do believe I will be with them again someday. I'm not trying to hurry that up, but it's been an amazing experience.

Ha! That's good about the 'girlfriend' and the movie--

Fathers tend to do that; my father remarried again too quickly after my mother's death (and he adored my mother), and he acted like a teenager for a number of years--

after that, she dumped him (the second wife), and we got dad back, sick and old--

but it was good; it was good to have him back.

it's hard to be awake; it's easier to dream--


"it was good to have him back".

Makes me cry tears of happiness for you. THANK YOU for sharing that with me.. it touched me profoundly.

My very active starting going

My very active starting going down hill two years ago and I can tell he's fighting it. I am trying to prepare for the inevitable. I haven't lost my parents yet and they are 91 and 87. Would think it's difficult no matter what age they go at but sometimes, selfishly, I wonder if it would be easier to overcome if they passed years ago instead of watching the rest of their quite full circle of life.

I can feel for you. Have a safe trip to and fro.

* * *

This is username tony m. Carrie used my computer and I forgot to log her out.

Death Quotes

“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
― Mark Twain

“Fear not death for the sooner we die, the longer we shall be immortal.”
― Benjamin Franklin

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.”
― Isaac Asimov

“Every man's life ends the same way. It is only the details of how he lived and how he died that distinguish one man from another.”
― Ernest Hemingway

“Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.”
― Haruki Murakami

Terrific quotes

Will share them on Twitter.
Thank you.

LL on Twitter: http://twitter.com/LibertyPoet
sometimes LL can suck & sometimes LL rocks!
Love won! Deliverance from Tyranny is on the way! Col. 2:13-15

Wow. Most impressive.

Know how you can get a page of "quotable quotes" and none of them mean a dang thing to you? Well all of those quotes seem to impart what's "heavy deep and real" to me now. And each of them (save the Murakami) are simply saturated with irony, wit and the combined effect is to humour.

Freaking Twain. I don't think that man could take a duke in a non-funny way.

It suddenly occurs to me that as Americans, USAns, we produce two things in abundance: weapons and comedians. As one of the most savage people and the indisputably ARMED people this planet has ever countenanced, we can cut a pretty good joke.



HYPOTHESIS: I posit that we would be way, way more dangerous if we didn't spend so much time laughing. At ourselves. At each other. And even in the presence of Amighty God, the Y~h of our Judeo-Christian culture. And I put weight on the Judeo part because I have never heard jokes sound quite so funny as when they are told by a Rabbai. The whole concept of a Hasidic Rabbai with a subtle but merry twinkle in his eye just makes me smile.

Spirituality and faith is an inside joke but there are no outsiders. We're all in this together. And I am 100% convinced that God likes a good joke.

Most of those who think so actually don't and most of those who think sew actually rip.

Some situations offer two

Some situations offer two choices - laugh or cry. Laughter truely is the best medicine. My Grandmother buried her youngest daughter this past October. We would have never made it through the week without laughter. We chose to celebrate my Aunt's life. We chose to reminisce. We chose to laugh. RIP my dearest Aunt Cindy, and I hope wherever you might find yourself they have your dynomite ciggs. Do your neice a favor, and share one with smudgepot's dad.

Thank you smudgepot for sharing such a personnal experience with us. We can all relate in some way. My condolences to you and yours.

I am with you, I think the big guy has a sense of humor......

While creating woman, God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world. Then he made the earth round and laughed and laughed and laughed.