The Bill of NeedsSubmitted by g8989 on Tue, 01/15/2013 - 10:27
The national discussion on gun control seems to be telling us more about personal choices of what we want and need instead of the reasons for certain inaliable rights to the protection of life. I drafted the following with intention of sending to my senators, but decided instead to share with the internet.
THE BILL OF NEEDS
People only NEED water, food and shelter for survival as outlined below:
1st Amendment - No one NEEDS freedom of religion. The 33,000 different denominations of Christianity should be restricted to 10 or less. Fewer options means fewer religious conflicts. Historically, people like to be told which religion they should follow. No one NEEDS a blog, Facebook, or Twitter. No one NEEDS to occupy anything or have tea parties. No one NEEDS the white house website, as recommended by the President, set up specifically to address petitions of the people.
2nd Amendment - No one NEEDS magazines greater than 10 rounds in capacity. No one NEEDS a semi-auto rifle. No one NEEDS anything besides revolvers outside of battlefields so federal agents, armed guards, and municipal police departments should turn in all of their other guns. No one NEEDS a safeguard against tyranny because it has been centuries since that was a problem. No one NEEDS to protect their life from attackers because I have never been attacked. Past performance is a guaranteed indicator of future results. Japanese intelligence officials never considered a land attack or any other options before deciding on an air raid at Pearl Harbor.
3rd Amendment - No one NEEDS all the space in their house or apartment. If the federal government can’t pass a budget, citizens must house and feed active soldiers for free, regardless of cost, time, or space restraints to the individual. Politicians must provide the same service.
4th Amendment - No one NEEDS warrants or privacy. The centralized database in Utah that will begin saving every email and text (with photos where applicable in NY’s 9th district) ever sent beginning in the fall of 2013 will never be unreasonably searched by government employees or hackers. When hackers broke into the FBI’s webpage, China’s national webpage, and the accounts of many global financial institutions, it was just a fluke. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. would approve of NYC’s stop and frisk policy.
5th Amendment - No one NEEDS due process. Just don’t commit crimes or get accused of crimes by anyone else. In fact, ban crime.
6th Amendment - No one NEEDS a speedy trial. They’ll get to it when they get to it. Traffic violations will be addressed right after the promised closure of the base at Guantanamo Bay.
7th Amendment - No one NEEDS a jury trial. Judges Judy, Joe Brown, and Mathis can handle the additional work load. Because bribery is rare, all arguments can be straightened out behind closed doors.
8th Amendment - No one NEEDS reasonable fines. (I wrote the Affordable Bail Act that will make bail free for everyone, or paid for by employers, but it must be approved before you can read it.) See #6 above on cruel and unusual punishments.
9th Amendment - No one NEEDS anything more than what is described above. No one NEEDS to choose their own spouse. When state governments tell people and churches who they can and cannot marry, everyone unanimously agrees. States fighting over marriage laws should submit to a national registry that chooses everyone’s true love from the sorting hat at Hogwarts. No one NEEDS a steak, as grain and water will sustain human life. No one NEEDS drugs and banning them made the drug problem go away 40 years ago.
10th Amendment - No one NEEDS states. The federal government is well managed and humming along with a budget surplus. The actions of unelected federal workers in D.C. accurately represent all people throughout the country. Executive orders are an effective way of bypassing the chore of listening to the citizens from various states.