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What The Navy Is Like..

What the Navy is like..

So you want to know what the Navy is like...
...without actually joining?

1. Buy a dumpster, paint it gray inside and out, and live in it for nine months.

2. Run all the pipes and wires in your house exposed on the walls.

3. Repaint your entire house every month.

4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of the bathtub and move the shower head to chest level. When you take showers, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down.

5. Put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.

6. Once a week, blow air up your chimney, with a leaf blower and let the wind carry the soot onto your neighbor's house. Ignore his complaints.

7. Once a month, take all major appliances apart and reassemble them.

8. Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and back doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.

9. Disassemble and inspect your lawnmower every week.

10. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn your water heater temperature up to 200 degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the water heater off. On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family
they use too much water, so no bathing will be allowed.

11. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, so you can't turn over without getting out and then getting back in.

12. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say
"Sorry, wrong rack."

13. Make your family qualify to operate each appliance in your house- dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc. Re-qualify every 6 months. Make sure they carry their qualification card with them when operating that appliance.

14. Have your neighbor come over each day at 0500 , blow a whistle so loud Helen Keller could hear it, and shout "Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out and trice up."

15.. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in your back yard at 0600 while she reads it to you.

16. Submit a request chit to your father-in-law requesting permission to leave your house before 1500....... In triplicate.

17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway three times a day, whether it needs it or not. "Now sweepers, sweepers, man your brooms, give the ship a clean sweep down fore and aft, empty all trash over the fantail!"

18. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering the rest.

19. Watch no TV except for movies played in the middle of the night Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one-- the same one every night.

20. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone shouting "Now general quarters, general quarters! All hands man your battle stations!"

21. Make your family's menu a week ahead of time without consulting the pantry or refrigerator.

22. Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs.

23. Bake a cake. Prop up one side of the pan so the cake bakes unevenly. Spread icing real thick to level it off.

24. Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread.. (mid rats)

25. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night. At the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard,uncoil the garden hose and put out a simulated fire.

26. Every week or so, throw your cat or dog into the pool and shout.... "Man overboard, port side!" Rate your family members on how fast they respond.

27. Put the headphones from your stereo on your head, but don't plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string. Stand in front of the stove, and speak into the paper cup, "Stove manned and ready." After an hour or so, speak into the cup again "Stove
secured." Roll up the headphones and paper cup and stow them in a shoe box.

28. Make your family turn out all the lights and go to bed at 10p.m. "Now taps, taps! Lights out! Maintain silence throughout the ship!"Then immediately have an 18-wheeler crash into your house.
(For aircraft carrier sailors.)

29. Build a fire in a trash can in your garage. Loudly announce to your family, "This is not a drill, this is not a drill! Fire, Fire, Fire in hangar bay one!"

30. Place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family
stand in front of the podium for 4-hour intervals. (Best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time.)

31. Next time there's a bad thunderstorm in your area, find the biggest horse you can, put a two-inch mattress on his back, strap yourself to it and turn him loose in a barn for six hours. Then get up and go to work.

32. For former engineers: bring your lawn mower into the living room, and run it all day long.

33. Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot, and let the pot simmer for 5 hours before drinking.

34. Have someone under the age of ten give you a haircut with sheep shears.

35. Sew the back pockets of your jeans onto the front.

36. Add 1/3 cup of diesel fuel to the laundry.

37. Take hourly readings on your electric and water meters or, if you are an Ordnanceman, record the temperature of your shotgun shells.

38. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes
and go to the scummiest part of town. Find the most run down, trashiest bar and drink beer until you are hammered. Then walk all the way home.

39. Lock yourself and your family in the house for six weeks. Tell them that at the end of the 6th week you'll take them to Disney World for liberty. At the end of the 6th week, inform them the trip to Disney World has been canceled because they need to get ready for an inspection, and it will be another week before
they can leave the house.

The Navy was like another planet with its own languages, customs, and
rules. If you are accepted and trained, then someday what seemed like insanity became genius and you wondered why anyone would live their life any differently.

"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells."
Dr. Seuss

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Never spent a day on a ship.

Never spent a day on a ship. Sat in Hawaii in a tunnel under a pineapple field. Hawaii was nice though except it was sometimes hard to do and get things you want.


I'll have to get my husband to read these and verify to me if being on his ship is really this bad. If so, he has been awfully tough in not complaining about it!

"Moderation in temper is always a virtue; but moderation in principle is always a vice." -- Thomas Paine

I was shore duty in Sad Diego

buy this rings a bell

"33. Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot, and let the pot simmer for 5 hours before drinking."

once we had a CQ det and needed to work the week end. We worked Thursday night to friday morn normal shift ... left full pot of coffee ... came in Saturday Morn plugged in Coffee maker and re-perked the coffee thru the old grounds ...

Drank it and did not think twice.

Patriot News
Stand up For your Civil Rights

Everything the government runs....

...is just that ridiculous. The sad thing about the military is that nobody on the outside realizes just how disfunctional it is. It's worse than the post office. We wast more money, and unfortunately lives because the government can't do anything right. Once you sign up though, you have to stay, so you can't quit just because your boss is an idiot, your company is disfunctional, and your purpose is non-existent.

Free market capitalism isn't right for America because it works better. It's right because it's free (and it works better).

ecorob's picture


..thats how I remember it, too!

its 'cos I owe ya, my young friend...
Rockin' the FREE world in Tennessee since 1957!
9/11 Truth.

New Navy Recruiting Ad ~ If the Navy was this good, why recruit?

Navy Recruiting Film Source unknown.

Disclaimer: Mark Twain (1835-1910-To be continued) is unlicensed. His river pilot's license went delinquent in 1862. Caution advised. Daily Paul

Sounds like

a living hell. I'm glad there are tough men in the world who learn to like things like this:)

The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion.
-Thomas Paine

Far cry from Hell. Here is a map. It tells you how to get there.

Military recruiters must determine which branch suits you best. They throw you in the deep end of a pool. If you float, you go to Navy.

If you sink, you go to Army. If you swim back to the side, climb out, and get back into line, you are instinctively a Marine...

The Marines were giving a self-defense lesson. For the "choking" demonstration, the young cocky Marine chose ol' Kelly.

If you take one look at the proceedings... and walk right back out the door, you are in the Air Force now.

Disclaimer: Mark Twain (1835-1910-To be continued) is unlicensed. His river pilot's license went delinquent in 1862. Caution advised. Daily Paul


Bump lol


"You're in the Navy Now!" USS Tea Kettle, 1951 Trailer, 2 min.

"Your in the Navy Now!" USS Tea Kettle, 1951 Trailer. 2 minutes.

True life Navy training program dramatized for the silver screen. A complete USS Navy crew trained & cast to sea in 90 days. All-star cast for this film.

This movie was originally called THE USS TEAKETTLE, but the title was changed just before it's release. The story is a WW 2 action comedy based on factual experiments conducted by the US Navy in their search for alternate fuel and power sources for combat ships. Gary Cooper has the lead as the captain of a naval destroyer, and the rest of the cast is made up of familiar faces such as Jane Greer, Eddie Albert, Jack Webb and Dick Erdman. This film marked the first on screen appearances for both Jack Warden and Charles Bronson (who was billed as Charles Buchinksi, his real name).

Disclaimer: Mark Twain (1835-1910-To be continued) is unlicensed. His river pilot's license went delinquent in 1862. Caution advised. Daily Paul

I got a kick out of these...