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Cows Economics Throughout The World (Revised)

As many of us know all too well, it is critically important to understand the mechanics of (preferably: sound) economics, these days.

And since John Donne so wisely pointed us out long ago that "no man is an island", it might as well be a good idea to travel a bit... well, if only to get "a fair" look at it...

Also, let us stay pragmatic and apply that good old KISS - Keep It Simple, Stupid - principle. God forbid we distract ourselves with too much of the Devil's details, meh.

Thus, there we go:

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

AUSTRIAN ECONOMICS
Your name's a bit exotic/pedantic, but you're forgiven, good buddy.
Caring people will refer to TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS.

KEYNESIAN ECONOMICS
You may or may not have cows.
But whatever the Hell you're doing is pure... B U L L - S H I T, THAT is for sure.

MARXIST ECONOMICS
Obsolete. Refer to KEYNESIAN ECONOMICS for the fundamentals.

ANARCHIST ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You want to milk them but they have hired a DRO to protect themselves from your thieving of their milk.

INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.

CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

GERMAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5,000 cows, none of which belongs to you.
You charge others for storing them.

BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
They are both mad.

FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

SPANISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You make a combination of FRENCH- and ITALIAN ECONOMICS. PLUS riots.

GREEK ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
See SPANISH ECONOMICS. With MORE riots.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

FEDERAL RESERVE SYSTEM ECONOMICS
You have near 1617,000,000,000,000 cows.
You keep printing them. You've lost count since August 15th, 1971, anyway.
Plus, nobody pays attention or questions about anything you're doing. So, that's cool.

U.S. CONGRESS ECONOMICS
You have a 2nd version of the same cow to review.
You're going to vote "Yea." on this one.
Your bribe was good, this time.

U.S. SENATE ECONOMICS
You have a 3rd version of the same cow to review.
Your conscience feels uneasy.
You wish you had more time to read and understand the Constitution.
You sigh and prepare yourself to flip the coin. Yet another one.

U.S. SUPREME COURT ECONOMICS
You have a 4th version of the same cow to review.
You're bored, waiting for your President King to tell you what to do with it.
You should try to look busy.

CONSPIRACY ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
They learn that cows can be slaughtered for meat.
They arm themselves and build a fallout shelter in the pasture.

JERSEY SHORE ECONOMICS
You have several cows.
Thanks to them, you can cash juicy advertisers checks for several "seasons".
You just pray the cows won't reproduce.

EIFFEL TOWER ECONOMICS
You have a cow standing next to the tower.
Nobody cares about your cow. It's all about the tower.

LAS VEGAS ECONOMICS
You have a cow standing in front of the Bellagio.
Nobody cares about your cow here, either. It's all about the Bellagio.
And about the folks, who gets in/out there.

WHITE HOUSE ECONOMICS
You have a cow standing next to the White House.
Now it's all about your cow.
Everybody's wondering by whom and with how many bullets it's going to be shot dead.

YOUR LOCAL PUBLIC LIBRARY ECONOMICS
You have your cow wandering INSIDE your local public library.
Now it's all about YOU.
They are calling the cops on you.
Likely the DHS, too. And PETA.

NASA ECONOMICS
You've found a new cow.
It defies everything you know about the cows you've observed so far.
That kinda suck. The reporters are all over the place, already.

YOUTUBE ECONOMICS
You have several cows.
None has got more than 100 views.
Every one of them got almost as many downvotes, though.
Now, well, you're blocking the comments.

REDDIT ECONOMICS
You have one cow.
You don't have the slightest clue of what these folks are ranting about, against the poor thing.

FACEBOOK ECONOMICS
You have 2,047 cows. ONLY.
Dude, either you don't have that much time on your hands, or...
... you totally suck: it's Farmville.

TWITTER ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You're staring at the empty input box on the screen, trying to find a cool hashtag to type in about them.

GOOGLE ECONOMICS
You've just fetched about 350,000,000 cows (in 0.16 seconds).
What was your search COW-word again?

APPLE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You can't locate them.
Your Maps App is broken. AGAIN.

SAMSUNG ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You can do everything that APPLE ECONOMICS can or cannot do with them, and more.

MICROSOFT ECONOMICS
You have Cows 2014 in Home, Ultimate, and Enterprise Editions ready to ship.
You're busy wrapping up the update of your pricing offer (upward).

HEWLETT PACKARD ECONOMICS
You have a new cow.
Does this one STILL do RPN (Reverse Polish Notation)?

TEXAS INSTRUMENTS ECONOMICS
You have a new cow.
Is it programmable?

NSA ECONOMICS
You don't have cows.
But you can spy on all of the above cows, and many more. So cool!
You ROFL'ed so bad about that one who'd believe she was having an online affair with a pink unicorn!
*Yawn* There you go... yet another FOIA request about that Snowden cow. Hmph. Now, that's boring stuff to process. Darn, this rejection response template is such a PIA...

...

(source of inspiration/adapted from; feel free to contribute here ;)




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CONSPIRACY ECONOMICS You have

CONSPIRACY ECONOMICS
You have two cows
They learn that cows can be slaughtered for meat
They arm themselves and build a fallout shelter in the pasture

ANARCHIST ECONOMICS
You have two cows
You want to milk them but they have hired a DRO to protect themselves from your thieving of their milk

Never trouble trouble til trouble troubles you. Fortune Cookie

Cyril's picture

LOL :)

LOL :)

"Cyril" pronounced "see real". I code stuff.

http://Laissez-Faire.Me/Liberty

"To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous." -- Confucius

jrd3820's picture

Lysindad... you had me cracking up

I don't know how I missed this the first time around, but this is too funny.

"REDDIT ECONOMICS
You have one cow.
You don't have the slightest clue of what these folks are ranting about, against the poor thing."

"ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You don't know where they are.
You break for lunch."

Priceless sir. Remember how I sad I was mad earlier? Now, I'm cracking up so Thank you.

Cyril's picture

Glad you enjoyed. I had fun writing it, too. :)

Glad you enjoyed. I had fun writing it, too. :)

"Cyril" pronounced "see real". I code stuff.

http://Laissez-Faire.Me/Liberty

"To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous." -- Confucius

New World Order

Why does livestock need an economy?

Free includes debt-free!

Cyril's picture

Good question!

Good question!

"Cyril" pronounced "see real". I code stuff.

http://Laissez-Faire.Me/Liberty

"To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous." -- Confucius

I love it.

And I really do have two cows.
One fifty four and One Twenty Six are their names. My last two had cutsie names and they nearly died of old age. Not this time.

Cyril's picture

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed!

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed!

That was the intent. :)

"Cyril" pronounced "see real". I code stuff.

http://Laissez-Faire.Me/Liberty

"To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous." -- Confucius

Did you make it up?

It's brilliant.

Cyril's picture

Kinda half of it, only..

Kinda half of it, only.. The original is at link provided. I built up on it, after the base list of countries. What's listed after American Economics is my silliness.. :) Keynes/Marx at the beginning is from me, too, though.

Feel free to add more, btw!

"Cyril" pronounced "see real". I code stuff.

http://Laissez-Faire.Me/Liberty

"To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous." -- Confucius