24 votes

Thank You, No.

A student monk approached his guru.

"Guru" he said "I humbly ask your help. Another monk, that one I told you about, called me ugly. He said I was stupid, fat, shorter than anyone should naturally be, and that soon enough I'd be too old and weak as to be of use to anyone. Then he made fun of my sandals. What should I do?"

A moment passed, and then the guru said "from your look and your tone, am I to guess that one of these things he said upset you?"

"They all did, guru!" the monk exclaimed, suddenly wondering if he should be asking advice at all from someone with so loose a grasp on the obvious, "I'm not too short, I've lost a few pounds, and these sandals don't make me look like a wood fairy!"

The guru glanced down for a second, then asked the monk

"Do you know the day of your motherbirth?"


"And do you celebrate this day with friends and family in thanks and good cheer?"

"Oh, yes."

"And do they give you gifts?"

"Fine gifts, guru! Have you seen these funky sandals?!?"

"Yes, they're nice. But do you invite this monk who insults you?"

"No, I wouldn't ever!"

"And if he came to your motherbirth day celebration with a gift, would you accept it?"

"I wouldn't even look at it, master! I'd tell him to take his gift and go on his way!"

"And if he were to go and take his gift with him, to whom would it now belong?"

"Why, it would still belong to him, of course. And good riddance!"

"So too, it must be," the wise guru said, slowly, "that when this other monk tries to give to you insults and unkindness, tell him thank you, no, I can't accept your generous gifts. Please take them with you, and be on your way."

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Michael Nystrom's picture

Nice, J.J.!

To which of the wisdom schools do you belong? Study there, I would like to.

One day also, I would like to come out to Wisconsin, preferably not in winter, and lift a glass with you.

He's the man.

"Uhhh - all of them?" - Homer Simpson

I have learned something from every system of thought I have studied - Buddhism, Lutheranism, Nihilism, Objectivism, etc(ism).

One day I will join you in the snowy climes of (...) for that toast. This is certain.

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of wisdom, indeed.

Predictions in due Time...

"Let it not be said that no one cared, that no one objected once it's realized that our liberties and wealth are in jeopardy." - Dr. Ronald Ernest Paul

I may end up being a guru one day.

Since most of the "advice" I see from "Gurus" entails simply not to take other people's shit, don't act like shit, and don't get emotional about shit.

I practice that every day.
Just be a high speed, low drag operator.

To all the big meanies out there...


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I am improving on this one, I forgot the details.

A monk was the victim of a sandal theft. He went to his master and said "Master, what a terrible thing". The Master replied "We shall see".

Later that day the monk was walking barefoot and a large tree branch missed wacking him on the head by just one half inch, just shy of the height of his sandals. He said to the master, "Master, what great luck!". The master replied, "We shall see".

The next evening when the monk was creeping along to the outhouse in the dark he tripped over the branch and broke his leg. He went to the master and cried, "Master, what horrible fortune!", the master replied "We shall see".

While the monk was laid up in hospital a great fire burned down his monastery. He thought to himself, "Life is merely a sine curve, and an exciting one at that."

Sounds like the Three Princes of Serendip

hence the word serendipity:

A boy caught a wild horse and said 'this is good.'


But the horse threw him, the boy broke his leg and the horse ran away. 'This is bad.'


A soldier came to conscript young men and horses into the army but the boy had a broken leg and couldn't go. 'This is good.'


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Thank you. Yours sound much better.

You should tell us some duck stories...

Tails of a Feather...

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You're sneaky, APP!

You had me going with your awful punk rock this morning. I was trying to be kind to the new guy with horrible music.
Here is you duck story:


aww, Ducky. You're a puck. You just don't know it yet.

Puck = Punk duck.

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Here's one.

A monk inquired of the master guru "Guru, what happens after one dies?". The guru replied "I don't know, I am not a dead master.".

: }


Guru: What is the sound of one hand clapping? (Student rolls eyes up in quiet contemplation.) Guru slaps student across face. Student: I heard it! Master I heard the sound!!!

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A man, weary of society, joined a monastery.

A vow of silence was required, but every 10 years the monks were invited to see the Abbot and speak 2 words. After ten years passed, the monk went to see the Abbot for the first time and told him "Bed hard." The Abbot nodded, and the monk went back to monking. Ten more years passed, and he again went to see the Abbot. "Food's terrible" he said, the Abbot nodded and the monk and went back to monking. Ten more years pass, and he goes to the Abbot and says "I'm leaving."
The Abbot looks at him and says "I'm not surprised. You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

Love or fear? Choose again with every breath.


Good one!

Edward Moran

This is one you can hear 10 times in a row and it's still funny.

Saw your post on the 1/10th acre self-sufficient farmer-people, then saw there was a new comment on this thread and I KNEW IT WOULD BE YOU!

I swear, we're turning into one big happy family of the smartest people on the planet...

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Love or fear? Choose again with every breath.

That was cute.

Sort of like 'Waiting for Godot' except everybody is singing and moving around...

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Look out, here comes Mr. Bramble.

Lots of Dickens' references this morning.

Please, sir, I want some more...


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Cyril's picture

LOL. Nice one... :) Thanks for sharing.

LOL. Nice one... :) Thanks for sharing.

In other words:

the best approach to follow by he/she who's a victim of name calling in an argument he/she had otherwise assumed civilized.

"Cyril" pronounced "see real". I code stuff.


"To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous." -- Confucius