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Random Ways To Make Other People's Lives More Surreal

-Put on a nice blue shirt with a button-up collar. Go to WalMart. Walk up to people and ask if they need help finding anything. If they say yes, walk with them till you see an actual employee. Say to employee "Tom, could you bring this nice lady to the full-contact sports department?/this nice gentleman to the lingerie department?" Try to keep a straight face.

-If you're approaching a doorway with people on the other side, pull out your cellphone and pretend to be wrapping up a conversation with one of these lines:

"No your mirror isn't broken. You replaced it with a Justin Bieber poster, remember? I have to go, love you."

"Don't make me have to tell you again - I don't want you going on the interstate - not until your 12. Drive safe honey I have to go."

"Suppositories don't work instantly. You don't need the second box."

-Go to a rummage sale. Find a shirt you like. Ask persons you see if they work there. Ask them if they have one just like it in a medium. When they say no, insist on receiving a discount. Try to keep a straight face.

-Next time you need to spell your name for someone, tell them it is spelled 'C U D N O S K I silent _.' They say 'huh?' and you tell them there's a silent _ at the end. When they ask you what the silent _ looks like tell them you don't know, it's invisible as well. try to keep a straight face.

-If a song everybody knows comes on the radio and people start bopping their heads and singing along, exclaim emphatically 'I LOVE Depeche Mode'! If someone tells you this isn't Depeche Mode look at them like they're a little nuts and say 'I know. This is Pink Floyd. I was just saying I love Depeche Mode. Is there something wrong with that?" Try to look indignant.

Thank you. You may now stop reading this because there aren't any more words.

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Can opener fly swatter.

Just a note to myself - disregard.

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.

Reminds me of this

reversed lol = lol

On that mode

You can also go walk your dog and when another dog walker passes by
You say "well now that's a good lookin dog"
Then they'll say thank you, "oh I was referring to my dog, sorry"


YAY! The new guy is funny! He's one of them funny guys!

I'll bet at lunch he likes to point at his friend's mouth and ask are you going to finish that?

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.

I walked all the way here,

and my legs are soar like the eagle.


Tell a stranger that the heaviest triplets ever weighed over 20

pounds altogether...

They now weigh over 500 and there's no end in sight...

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.

Take a child to the mall. When he gets unruly, shout

"Behave yourself or I'll give you back to your parents!"

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.

change the sign outside the tire store to read:

"Buy 2 get one free"

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.

I'm constantly infecting minds.

Retail is theatre.

"Drugs, gambling, and extortion comes to..."

"Digital currency? Just slide your card down there, check in with Big Brother and let our machine masters gossip about your account."

"Deliver your Number up unto The Beast, and let Leviathan look you over."

"Sign here to pledge your allegiance to The Matrix."

Most people laugh. Some laugh hard. Many seem unaffected. One fellow took visible umbrage ("Only thing I pledge to is that beautiful flag"). None have the power to unhear it.

dynamite anthrax supreme court white house tea party jihad
West of 89
a novel of another america

awesome. remind me to tell you about my adventures selling beer

And concessions at Lambeau Field...

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.

Start every sentence with 'let me be honest with you.'


Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.

Next time you're in a dressing room

loudly proclaim "Hey, there's no toilet paper in here!"

When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign: that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. ~J. Swift

Send a friend a text that reads...

'hey - if you didn't get my last text, just forget about it.'

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.

Go to the store. Stop an employee.

Ask if they carry Monistat 7 eyebrow lotion.

Try to keep a straight face.

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.

When somebody burps...

say 'Gesundheit'.

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.

In the elevator

Turn to a stranger, smile broadly, and say, "I'm wearing new socks." Maintain smile and eye-contact.

Ĵīɣȩ Ɖåđşŏń

"Fully half the quotations found on the internet are either mis-attributed, or outright fabrications." - Abraham Lincoln

I'm gonna buy some new socks tomorrow and try that.

While I'm at the store I just might approach someone and accuse them of stealing my cart...

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.

The beauty of it is

you do not even need new socks to do it.

Ĵīɣȩ Ɖåđşŏń

"Fully half the quotations found on the internet are either mis-attributed, or outright fabrications." - Abraham Lincoln

Sure, but what if they call me on it?

A situation like that could turn embarrassing in a hurry.

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.

Go to store. Buy a chocolate bunny. Leave store.

Eat ears off of chocolate bunny.

Go back into store. Demand refund on defective no-eared chocolate bunny.

(Try to keep a straight face.)

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.

Point your ephone or other type phone at someone...

move it around randomly for 6-12 seconds.

Now look at it and say 'hmm. That don't look good.'

Wander away shaking your head. And try to keep a straight face.

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.

And how could I forget...

When dining in a restaurant with booths, sit at one where there isn't anybody seated behind you. Wait for someone to sit down behind you, back of head to back of head. After a minute or so, lean back a little and say in a low voice,

"Did you bring the package?"

When they react, glance at their face, feign embarrassment, then get up and go sit at another booth with nobody sitting next to you.

Repeat if you think you can get away with it.

And oh yeah - try to keep a straight face.

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.


...I may seriously have to try that one.

"Alas! I believe in the virtue of birds. And it only takes a feather for me to die laughing."

"Improv Everywhere"


Mr. President, it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts.
-Patrick Henry

ok those were cute

But here's my favorite way to have a little fun with people.

Randomly walk up to someone at the grocery store, look straight through them like you are in a trance and say, "I need you to listen, I have a very important message I am to deliver. There is a revolution coming, and you will lead it."

Then walk off as if nothing happened. If they ask you about it later in the store, act like you have no clue what they are talking about, you have never met them before.

"If this mischievous financial policy [greenbacks], which has its origin in North America, should become endurated down to a fixture, then that government will furnish its own money without cost. It will pay off its debts and be without debts. It will hav

How about doing it this way - say the revolution, leader bit...

then keep looking at them until they say something.

Interrupt them immediately with 'Go! Go now! The future needs you!'.

Then turn around and walk away.


Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.

Thanks. Gonna try that one asap.

But slightly different - if they try to talk to me I'll whisper "don't worry - I won't blow your cover." and walk away.

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.