Random Ways To Make Other People's Lives More SurrealSubmitted by Chris Chunderski on Wed, 01/30/2013 - 15:59
-Put on a nice blue shirt with a button-up collar. Go to WalMart. Walk up to people and ask if they need help finding anything. If they say yes, walk with them till you see an actual employee. Say to employee "Tom, could you bring this nice lady to the full-contact sports department?/this nice gentleman to the lingerie department?" Try to keep a straight face.
-If you're approaching a doorway with people on the other side, pull out your cellphone and pretend to be wrapping up a conversation with one of these lines:
"No your mirror isn't broken. You replaced it with a Justin Bieber poster, remember? I have to go, love you."
"Don't make me have to tell you again - I don't want you going on the interstate - not until your 12. Drive safe honey I have to go."
"Suppositories don't work instantly. You don't need the second box."
-Go to a rummage sale. Find a shirt you like. Ask persons you see if they work there. Ask them if they have one just like it in a medium. When they say no, insist on receiving a discount. Try to keep a straight face.
-Next time you need to spell your name for someone, tell them it is spelled 'C U D N O S K I silent _.' They say 'huh?' and you tell them there's a silent _ at the end. When they ask you what the silent _ looks like tell them you don't know, it's invisible as well. try to keep a straight face.
-If a song everybody knows comes on the radio and people start bopping their heads and singing along, exclaim emphatically 'I LOVE Depeche Mode'! If someone tells you this isn't Depeche Mode look at them like they're a little nuts and say 'I know. This is Pink Floyd. I was just saying I love Depeche Mode. Is there something wrong with that?" Try to look indignant.
Thank you. You may now stop reading this because there aren't any more words.