38 votes

Homeland Security Tip: Fend Off Shooter With Scissors

Don't laugh...show some respect...it's for your own safety...



(NEWSER) – The Department of Homeland Security has released a video advising Americans on how to deal with a mass shooting—and some of its tips have the New York Post scratching its head. For instance, the video suggests that "if you are caught out in the open and cannot conceal yourself or take cover, you might consider trying to overpower the shooter with whatever means are available" ... and then shows a man arming himself with scissors.

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Make him eat paste until he

Make him eat paste until he gets sick, or throw a chalk board eraser at him and blind him with chalk!

A nation of sheep breeds a government of wolves.

In the video it is called an Active Shooter Situation...

or A.S.S. for short.

Just another way we are becoming like East Germany - we think ass jokes are very funny.

Chris Indeedski!

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.

Here is a poll related to this subject.

You're in an elementary school. You're a teacher. Mass shooters are on a rampage and heading in your direction. You've got no where to hide but 25 seconds to make 1 decision. What do you reach for?


Assault Scissors ;)


"No physical quantity explains it's own existence, and no amount of time can consume an infinite series of events to bring you to the present, which means all of these somewhere have to be explained by one self-existent cause which is not physical."

Got Skizzers?


When a true genius appears in the world, you may know him by this sign: that the dunces are all in confederacy against him. ~J. Swift

Scissors? I'm waaaaay ahead of ya DHS

I can shoot a dozen deadly stap1es in less than 10 seconds with my stapler... I dare any mass shooter to try my office!

"If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude than the animated contest of freedom — go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains sit lightly upon you, an

Think I'll go with the Harry

Think I'll go with the Harry Potter invisibility cloak...


I can't even begin to tell you the things I would do if I had one of those.

“Let it not be said that no one cared, that no one objected once it’s realized that our liberties and wealth are in jeopardy.”
― Ron Paul

If you were the shooter,

wouldn't you pretend to be with the people running out? If the people could take matters in their hands that wouldn't happen, but since the police have no identity of the suspect, escape seems to be pretty feasible.

If you walk into a school and

If you walk into a school and shoot the kids, I don't think you're thinking about how to get out of there... but a sane person would do that, yes.

I prefer to defend myself

By whatever means necessary.

instead of whatever means available.

"Necessary" means prior preparation as to meet an attack with eqaul or greater force, instead of "available", which is improvising with what is at hand.

Conscience does not exist if not exercised

"No matter how cynical you get, it's impossible to keep up!
---Lily Tomlin

office stationary vs guns

lol.. this has so much potential as a viral theme for youtube etc. Can't wait for funny youtube videos

here is a rubber band gun


Oh Yeah!

I've always thought you could probably rob a liquor store with a big rubber band (Those 4"x1/2"+ ones)... Ever seen a grown man cower when faced with one? That STINGS!

You just need the right scissors!

I keep these "Assault Scissors" (12" & Pointy!) on my desk at work at all times.


And, don't forget

Don't forget to die in a peaceful manner. Just go in peace.

Nothing new about this government's attitude, this is the:

*my way or no way government
*the one-sided government
*and the, means justifies the end government
*maybe above all, the "I lied" government


edit: anyone have a resource for scissor holsters?
edit 2: how childish is that video? Hide your head under a blanket, you won't be seen by the boogieman?

WOW, what AWESOME advice!

I would have never thought of any of these things all by myself. I'm so glad such videos are available to assist me. The government is always there to make me feel safe :)

I will kill a mofo with a

I will kill a mofo with a stapler

Beep beep boop beep... I am a Paulbot... prepare for liberty and prosperity!

Staple remover

is a better weapon.

Colchester, New London County, Connecticut

lol...yeah, hide under a desk

lol...yeah, hide under a desk and when he walks by, go at his crotch with a staple remover. He'll think a cobra just bit his junk.


“Let it not be said that no one cared, that no one objected once it’s realized that our liberties and wealth are in jeopardy.”
― Ron Paul

and strangle him with scotch

and strangle him with scotch tape!

Beep beep boop beep... I am a Paulbot... prepare for liberty and prosperity!

When I was a kid

the table was always the first place you looked when playing hide n seek.

I was always told to...

...hide under the table during a nuclear attack. "Duck and cover"! I think that's the old government slogan.

What's next?

Scissor-free zones

This sounds

like an advertisement for a 1984 movie.

"Timid men prefer the calm of despotism to the tempestuous sea of liberty."

Click Here To See The Candidates On The Record

How Not to be Seen

An important public safety announcement from Monty Python.


No.7's picture

That's the chicken scratch plan

The Tennessee plan goes something like "in case of active shooter, remove firearm from holster and prepare to engage the threat"

The individual who refuses to defend his rights when called by his Government, deserves to be a slave, and must be punished as an enemy of his country and friend to her foe. - Andrew Jackson

If you can't protect

If you can't protect yourself, at least trim your hair for your upcoming funeral.

Youngsters thru out America's

corporate world are worshiping the ground you walk on for such sage advice, as I type...what a goof-ball you are- without even trying! LOL

"If you want something you've never had before, you have to do something you've never done before." Debra Medina

Of course you realize the

Of course you realize the post was sarcastic, yes?

Mai, Qui, mon ami!

I did.

(But I did read it twice - since I also know you to be the 'Devil's Advocate' sometimes, non?) In this case, as usual, I found you to be funny as hell!

"If you want something you've never had before, you have to do something you've never done before." Debra Medina

Thank you. ;)