29 votes

Alien abductions linked to disappearing workforce

WASHINGTON, DC, February 10, 2013 — With over 8 million people mysteriously disappearing from the US workforce during President Barack Obama's first term, experts are working on a number of theories to explain this riddle, the most commonly mentioned reason being alien abductions occurring throughout the US on an extraordinarily massive scale.

According to a recent Bureau of Labor Statistics report, the number of people disappearing from the US workforce rose from 80.5 million when the president took office in 2009 to the current 89 million, while unemployment has remained steady near 8-9%. In other words, 8.5 million people have simply vanished in a way that can't be explained by the usual retirement or disability trends.

"Since we can't blame it on the economy, the only conceivable explanation is that someone is taking people out of the labor market by force," said Malcolm Lenivie, noted economist for the DC-based Center for Keynesian Economics. "The President has spent $6 trillion in stimulus packages and all our studies indicate that his plan is working, so something else must be at play."

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Thats a good one

haven't tried that one yet, "no I wasn't sleeping all day from parting last night boss, I was abducted!" They threw me back though, not sure what that means...

The bold effort the present bank had made to control the government ... are but premonitions of the fate that await the American people should they be deluded into a perpetuation of this institution or the establishment of another like it-Andrew Jackson

Although I laugh at the

Although I laugh at the context of these disappearances a la a reduction in the labor force, there's ample evidence that such instantaneous disappearances do occur. People have been within mere yards of other acquaintances who have suddenly disappeared and never returned ... FACT! How many victims actually disappear in this manner and the process involved are debatable, but NOT the instantaneous disappearances themselves.

Paul Krugman CALLED IT!

.

The only Alien is the potus

8 mil out of 314 mil thats a little almost 5% of the population, take out the children and people retired. That a considerable amount of wage earners.

sovereign

14,000,000 people unaccounted for since 1981...

according to a "Coast-to-Coast" broadcast. That is no joke.

They're Moving

out of this f-ing country!

skippy

Cyril's picture

Big JOKE, right?

Folks, this is a big JOKE, right?

I stopped reading at Bob-45's post when they mention the "noted economist" and his assessment...

So, it's a complete joke, right???

They can't be that much of bad faith and gone that far full retards yet, can they?!

Someone, please provide the original Onion link or something.

"Cyril" pronounced "see real". I code stuff.

http://Laissez-Faire.Me/Liberty

"To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous." -- Confucius

No no.. it's no joke

Those are last years dissenters. Many from the DP. Haven't you noticed a drop in visitors since the election?

Patriot Cell #345,168
I don't respond to emails or pm's.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&feature=endscreen&v=qo8CmO...
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution, inevitable.

Beam Me Up Scotty!

No intelligent life on earth...

Someone ask Mr. Scott

if he beamed up John Galt!

LMAO!!!!!

=)))))))

Hi, this is Canada

they're all here.

But seriously, is this for real? Are they actually working towards the fake alien invasion? This is hilarious.

"We are not human beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a human experience"—Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Well, its a good thing the

Well, its a good thing the aliens were abducted because our economy tanked and we don't have jobs for them anymore.

EARTH PEOPLE,

MY NAME ZOK, FROM AGORUM, AND I AM ALIEN. WE COME IN PEACE, WE WANT NO EARTH PEOPLE, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER, YOU HAVE NO INTELLIGENCE, YOU ARE SLAVES, YOU DO NOT TASTE GOOD. MANY DO NOT SMELL GOOD.

THESE EARTH CREATURES ARE NT MISSING, THEY QUIT WORK AFTER OBAMA WAS ELECTED, THEY ARE INSTEAD GETTING FOOD STAMPS, WIC, WELFARE, MEDICAID, AND MORE. THEY DO NOT HAVE TO WORK, YOU SUPPORT THEM, AND DO NOT TASTE GOOD. MANY DO NOT SMELL GOOD.

WE WILL NOT HARM YOU, WE ARE ONLY HERE TO WATCH YOU DESTROY YOURSELVES. WE WILL BE LEAVING YOUR SPACE SOON BECAUSE YOU DO NOT TASTE GOOD. MANY DO NOT SMELL GOOD, AND YOUR GOVERNMENT STINKS.

ZOK, SIGNING OUT

I wonder how many people will not see this as satire?

Lol!

What do you mean?

I think there's something in Keynesian economics that says, "in the event of mass alien abductions print more money". I think it's legit.

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I left the labor market a year and half ago, accept no gvt hand out and am doing just fine.
They certainly printed enough CASH for me to do so.

"OH NO! He has a SON?" Neoconservatives and Liberals EVERYWHERE!

Rand Paul 2016

Chris Panda Bearski's picture

?

Are you absolutely positive you have not been abducted by aliens though?

A vote for Chris or Sue is a vote for pandas too.

.

no

"OH NO! He has a SON?" Neoconservatives and Liberals EVERYWHERE!

Rand Paul 2016

Chris Panda Bearski's picture

As always, Thank you Bob

Between that and the pyramids video today my "weird stuff" quota for the weekend has been taken care of.

"Sources say the President is taking this matter very seriously and is putting pressure on the Pentagon to investigate the possibility of alien abductions and to find a way to stop the disappearance of the American labor force."

Hilarious.

A vote for Chris or Sue is a vote for pandas too.

I agree, this seems ridiculous.

However, the apparent disappearance of so many people does deserve investigation. I figure, this has to do more with how the government "cooks the book" on labor statistics than anything else.

There could also be a more sinister, but less supernatural explanation; government may well be "disappearing" people. Perhaps, you should read "Other Losses" by James Bacque. http://www.amazon.com/Other-Losses-Investigation-Prisoners-A...

It conjectures Allied Forces murdered up to 1,000,000 German POWs at the end of World War II.