I am hurt and now I got hurt and now something hurts worse on top of that.Submitted by Smudge Pot on Sat, 02/16/2013 - 15:58
Hey you know when Aaron Russo was dying we tried everything.I mean everything but all he asked for was prayer.
Totally helps, I know. I let you guys know I am sick just in time for your prayers to power me through losing my pop and I was starting to catch a wave through my birthday and all these other medicines...
and I felt LIFE and VIGOUR and ENTHUSIASM returning to my body and I had been threatening...I hinted to these guys that if it keeps up like this...
I might just be able to get out on the jobsite again.
And then I publish my little ebook fandangle and the feedback I got from that? BAM. That did it. LIGHTNING! and I told my bro Les-Joe dude, put me out on the jobsite, I am back with a fury, my right arm misses the 18oz Estwing on my apron, the nails in my bags are the sounds of a gun fighter's spurs and my steeltoes drag fires across the subfloors.
SURE IT HURT LIKE H-E-DOUBLE TOOTH PICKS but it was music to me, I was riding a wave and more than cautiously optimistic that if I play this right I might get back to being the real me and the oath I took.To be here for you when you need me in the ways in which you need help. To "bear the burden" so it was said. And to have relief from the more severe aspects of my condition was truly like being on clod 9 and the skies were looking clear and blue and I worked a full week working younger men half to death and this body was just loving the pain.
Then I started falling off a ladder and i tried to grab roof and that didn't work so I tried the last-ditch which was to jump away from the ladder but it turned into noodles and all that made me do was invert. So then just by instinct I'm trying to twist around and at least get my arms legs, anything in between me and the fate beneath but the rational part of my brain has this clock ticking and it's saying we're gonna get hurt in 3, 2, 1, BAM!
No I'm ok, luckily I broke the fall with my head, neck and shoulder. Same shoulder thats really had me all screwed up.
Yeah I'm ok, the elbow I broke as a kid? Well now it's broke again. Funny how it don't hurt as much this time. You get older and other stuff hurts worse.
This totally put the crapper on my whole coming back to life trip though. well not totally, I still feel the internal strength after having taken a 12 foot body slam, I just can't do much with it but type on one hand. Oh and I just threw away a pretty good life-long safety record. I been hurt on the job before but not many men can or would do some of the jobs I have done.That's part of why I command respect among men. I know what I'm doing, I know what needs to be done. I don't assert myself all the time, I'd rather let my younger brothers do it. But if I sense things going astray, this steel toe boot cones down with the voice of THUNDER.
So naturally I take the quick ride down the ladder and in this day and age of instant communication, everybody in the camp knows that The Great Smudge Pot...
fell down and had to be picked back up. Like a little kid.
And The Great Smudge Pot didn't get back up on that ladder. Not yesterday he didn't. And The Great Smudge Pot's younger brothers more or less scooped him up and conveyed him home to an adoring community.
Who hit him up for pills.
Yup. And this is the hurt that is hurting ne nore than the hurt on top of the hurt on top of the hurt.
I really am "disabled" I'm sick as dip and it's physiological. I just don't wanna be and I'm more scared of government than the devil himself. I must be the only person for miles around living by a very old code which states that I got my problems and you got yours. Everybody around here is on food stamps. They mostly are hooked up n state medical care and literally GETTING INJURED ON THE JOB TO THEM MEANS FREE DRGS AND PAID VACATION AT THE LEAST.
The poor home owner was concerned for me but also for herself. It's almost presumed that somebody's insurance is getting activated and lawsuits to follow. OK that's conventional wisdom right?
Yeah? Somebody has to pay for me falling off a ladder?
OK well how about this: the fact is I fell off a ladder and no matter what, I probably won't get "better". And no amount of money will change that. Screw that, I want back up in the ladder. I want billables coming in well after the day I die. Everything I have I paid cash for up front or it was given to me by individuals. In my tradition it's not even appropriate to ask for one's self in prayer, the 7 Ceremonies always involve sacrifice.
How about I say no to emergency rooms and x rays to tell me I am hurt and splint my arm just as good as they ca? How about we all do NOTHING BECAUSE AT LEAST THAT WON'T MAKE IT WORSE?
And I do look upon these camp grounds as repositories of simple values of decency where there is always a spot indoors when it's cold outside and a plate of food and a brew and a kind word around the camp fire, where are these values gone if nobody understands that I live here and I work for what I have and what I can't pay for I don't have? Even what people consider crucial emergency medical care these days?
And I weep not for me but for my people. My Oyasin. Look what my people are reduced to on and off the reservations.
Two guys saw me fall and they both say they saw me bounce. That only means they only saw me hit the ground the second time. The third time was when I got home.