9 votes

: Sequester to Increase Risk of Alien Invasion

According to sources inside the White House, the odds of invasion from an intergalactic armed force will be greatly enhanced if the sequester is not avoided, as reported by CNN.

"If these draconian budget cuts go through," said a source who wished to remain anonymous, "many of the 52,000 Dept. of Homeland Security agents, who sit on remote mountain tops scanning the night sky with binoculars for alien warships will need to be furloughed. This will greatly hinder our ability to detect an invasion in a timely manner which could lead to the total destruction of life as we know it and enslavement of the human race by alien ant overlords."

A high ranking officer at the Dept. of Defense echoed those concerns. "The devastating cuts would cripple our military to such a degree that we'd practically be inviting space aliens to attack. With no means of defense from the world's lone super power, the entire human race would be doomed. Even if space aliens don't attack, these drastic and irresponsible cuts would mean we could only wipe Iran off the map 375 times."

White House Press Secretary, Jay Carney, summed up the sequester debate in a recent press conference. "The choice is simple, we can either take responsible measures to avoid these draconian, meat-cleaver cuts, or we can follow the republican plan in which space aliens eat our men and enslave our women and children." He latter added, "Draconian!"

However, brilliant economist and Nobel Prize winner Paul Krugman sees a silver lining in an attack by space aliens. "While I generally abhor these draconian and stupidly irresponsible spending cuts, the good news is that a prolonged alien attack would destroy vast amounts of property and infrastructure. This would allow us to print tens of trillions of dollars to build up a massive arsenal to fend off the attack and then provide millions of jobs for years to come as we rebuild our scorched cities. While the loss of life would be unfortunate, it would really jumpstart the economy."

continues at: http://wp.me/p1bQ0X-kg

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.

If they promise only to eat Repubes and Democraps

meaning socialists and socialist-lites, I'm all for it.

Patriot Cell #345,168
I don't respond to emails or pm's.
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution, inevitable.

Please provide

a link to where CNN said this because I can not find one. If you do have one I would love to show people how ridiculous, If you don't have one please don't put that cnn said it. I like to show people stuff like that but I wont unless it can be verified.

try clicking the link and

try clicking the link and scrolling down the page to see the video

The slogan press on has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race. No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave.

- Calvin Coolidge

This is ridiculous and absurd.

Everyone knows the aliens are going to attack us at night when it is dark and you can't see them coming, even with binoculars.

They're obviously just playing on the deep ancestral fears of previous invasions encoded in our DNA.

Just follow the money - I'll bet you dollars to donuts the trail leads straight back to the binocular and alien repellant lobbies.

Don't feed the pandas. Ever.

scawarren's picture

LOL... "alien repellent"

LOL... "alien repellent" lobbies, good one :)

It is easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. – Mark Twain