: Sequester to Increase Risk of Alien InvasionSubmitted by libertyinsight on Tue, 02/26/2013 - 17:09
According to sources inside the White House, the odds of invasion from an intergalactic armed force will be greatly enhanced if the sequester is not avoided, as reported by CNN.
"If these draconian budget cuts go through," said a source who wished to remain anonymous, "many of the 52,000 Dept. of Homeland Security agents, who sit on remote mountain tops scanning the night sky with binoculars for alien warships will need to be furloughed. This will greatly hinder our ability to detect an invasion in a timely manner which could lead to the total destruction of life as we know it and enslavement of the human race by alien ant overlords."
A high ranking officer at the Dept. of Defense echoed those concerns. "The devastating cuts would cripple our military to such a degree that we'd practically be inviting space aliens to attack. With no means of defense from the world's lone super power, the entire human race would be doomed. Even if space aliens don't attack, these drastic and irresponsible cuts would mean we could only wipe Iran off the map 375 times."
White House Press Secretary, Jay Carney, summed up the sequester debate in a recent press conference. "The choice is simple, we can either take responsible measures to avoid these draconian, meat-cleaver cuts, or we can follow the republican plan in which space aliens eat our men and enslave our women and children." He latter added, "Draconian!"
However, brilliant economist and Nobel Prize winner Paul Krugman sees a silver lining in an attack by space aliens. "While I generally abhor these draconian and stupidly irresponsible spending cuts, the good news is that a prolonged alien attack would destroy vast amounts of property and infrastructure. This would allow us to print tens of trillions of dollars to build up a massive arsenal to fend off the attack and then provide millions of jobs for years to come as we rebuild our scorched cities. While the loss of life would be unfortunate, it would really jumpstart the economy."
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