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Scientists discover affordable replacement for air! Victory against Monsanto!

April 1st 2013
SP Press
For Immediate Release

Ames, CA

Government scientists working at the federal governments highly secretive NASA Ames Research Facility in California's Silicon Valley have announced the creation of an inexpensive and easily manufactured substitute for air in the event that "environmental degradation reaches the point of non-breathability or access to air is transferred to the private sector or perhaps patented".

Speculation has been fueled in part by chemical giant Monsanto Inc. which has recently filed patents saying that the atmosphere presently contains significant components of it's patented products and in their words "basically we own the air you breathe already".

This is hailed by environmental activists as the new air replacement called Nairy (not-airy, TM) is said to smell like pine trees. Elsewhere, poverty advocates like Al Sharpton hailed this as a victory for the poor, saying Nairy will improve lives while creating jobs. "This is the kind of change we've been waiting for from the Obama administration. Finally corporate America is listening" said Sharpton.

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I can't believe this

A Canadian encouraging an American to use inferior Chinese air replacement products. Who's side of the planet are you on anyway?

Most of those who think so actually don't and most people who think sew actually rip.

I proclaim to take my air back because

Monsanto your fired, you did a dirty job.


related: Microsoft Patents Ones, Zeroes

REDMOND, WA—In what CEO Bill Gates called "an unfortunate but necessary step to protect our intellectual property from theft and exploitation by competitors," the Microsoft Corporation patented the numbers one and zero Monday.


Chris Indeedski!

Daily Paul cured my abibliophobia.


"...basically we own the air you breathe already."


What a foolish statement.

The law cannot make a wicked person virtuous…God’s grace alone can accomplish such a thing.
Ron Paul - The Revolution

Setting a good example is a far better way to spread ideals than through force of arms. Ron Paul

Thank heavens!

I feel like I can BREATHE again.


I dunno, is that pine trees we smell?

or Al Gore? Did he invent this too?

Most of those who think so actually don't and most people who think sew actually rip.