What the Devil says about gay marriage.Submitted by phantasm on Wed, 04/10/2013 - 09:09
I am the Devil, I am the State.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, America for feeding my hungry belly. I require power and domination over the lives of all men and women, and you have proudly given me more of that which I seek. Homosexuality, fornication, and adultery are now illegal thanks to your tireless efforts to legislate morality on others.
You see, "Marriage" used to belong to religious traditions: everything from Pagan binding ceremonies to Christian weddings, and now you have acquiesced and given it to me! Marriage is no longer a religious institution, but it is now a State licensed activity. I have gladly granted your request, but I see now that we haven't gone far enough in making sure that "God's Plan" for marriage and sex are being followed.
Now that you have given me the power over your lives, I am instituting the following dictates:
1. Marriage is between a man and a women exclusively.
2. The State can only issue 10,000 marriage certificates a year (we are backed up on paperwork). The waiting period for a certificate is between 400-600 days. A Marriage is not valid until a license is received.
3. Both individuals wishing to be wed must be of good moral standing. No certificates will be issued to anyone who has been convicted of a crime. No certificates will be issued to anyone who is delinquent on their taxes. No certificates will be issued to anyone on the "no-fly" list.
4. Any child not born from a State authorized marriage is now evidence of a crime. The State will confiscate any child born out of wedlock. If you are found guilty of the crime of fornication or adultery, the paraphernalia (in the form of a child), will be incinerated and destroyed.
I am overjoyed at these new laws and that you have entrusted me, the devil, to make sure that God's Plan is being followed on Earth. God Bless you all and muhwaahahahaha.