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Bill To Regulate Pressure Cookers Gaining Steam

A bipartisan bill introduced on Monday will require background checks for pressure cooker sales and set limits on sales of nails and ball bearings.

House Bill 10-289, the 'Pressure Cooker Prevention of Crime and Protection of Children Act of 2013' (PCPCPCA) has already gained 391 sponsors spanning both of the two sides of the political spectrum, the Democrats and the Republicans.

However, despite the tragedy of April 15 in Boston, which killed three people including an innocent child, and injured hundreds including probably at least two dozen innocent, sweet little children, some politicians are actually opposing it.

"I know it's a cliche, but I'm gonna say it again - if pressure cookers are outlawed, then only outlaws will have pressure cookers" said Senator Rand Paul, a noted rabble-rouser and suspected right-wing Republican.

Other voices in Washington were more reasonable.

"I appreciate pressure cookers and respect the American pressure cooker culture" said Congressman Jack Slipjaw (D-South Dakota) "but the simple fact remains: nobody needs more than one pressure cooker, and nobody but a bloodthirsty terrorist needs one with greater than a 6-inch diameter. Background checks and a waiting period will save countless lives in the future, many of them innocent small beautiful children lives, like that one that was killed in Boston."

"The language in the bill is too vague" opined Rep. Randy Rootentooter (R-Hawaii). "A 5-day waiting period for 6-inch wide pressure cookers, but a 7-day period for cookers 8 1/4 inches wide or greater? These designations are arbitrary, and discussing them is just arguing semantics. Semantics with numbers instead of words."

A rider on page 391 of the bill concerning the purchase of nails and ball bearings is also drawing criticism. Senator Sassy Grassstain, another Republican politician from Alabama or Louisiana, may actually have her head screwed on straight. "We have taken many factors into consideration while considering the factors for sales of nails and ball-bearings, and have come to the logical conclusion that nails shorter than one inch cannot pierce vital organs and therefore will be allowed for sale without a nail-owner's permit. Anything longer than that is a deadly weapon or at least a dangerous one if used by an unqualified person to do home repairs that should only be tackled by a professional.

"Furthermore," he/she stated, "all purchases of ball bearings should be immediately eyed with suspicion. Think about it. When is the last time you've needed a box of ball bearings? Clearly only machine shops and terrorists need a whole box of deadly ball bearings."

The bill is expected to pass the Senate and be signed into law on Tuesday.

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These things are so dangerous

they belong only on a battlefield. Not only can they be used as cooking utensils and explosive devices but they can also be worn as a helmet. Think about it, a terrorist can fix bayonet on his 'assault weapon' while wearing one of these God awful things on his head and just run through a place...any place...and nobody can stop him.

This is absolutely outrageous. I support banning them completely. They have no place in civilized society.

I do have a serious concern.

I'm taking a 4-quart pressure cooker in my luggage for high-elevation cooking. Currently the lid is on it. Today I'm taking the lid off and sticking it in a different bag. I can only imagine the ruckus that would ensure...

New Hampshire and Ecuador.

As long as you didn't pack your nails and ball bearings in there

you should be fine.

But put on a motorcycle helmet just in case.

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What they will need is a chastity belt, to prevent anal probing!

Ball bearings

(slingshot ammo) is in a different bag, LOL!

New Hampshire and Ecuador.

If they want my pressure canner

they'll have to pry it from my cold, dead hands.

New Hampshire and Ecuador.

'From my wrinkly steam-burned hands!!!'


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Stop pressure cooker home

Stop pressure cooker home canning now.(SPCHCN) Join the fight!

Wait - THAT'S a pressure cooker?

Looks like R2D2 on a bad hair day.

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Oooooh, crap!!!!!

I love my pressure cooker, it makes my GM meat soooooo tender!

Thanks for the comment. Now I have to finish

writing this fictional 'news' story.

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