'Miranda Rights' Are A TV Fiction Not Used In Real Life. Ever.Submitted by Chris Cacciatorski on Tue, 04/23/2013 - 06:24
I don't like to go running my dumb mouth about stuff I know absolutely nothing about. And I really don't like when I hear other clueless morons running their dumb mouths about stuff they know absolutely nothing about. It is for reason that talk about so-called 'Miranda Rights' is a real bug up my butt.
So stop whatever else you're doing right now and let me make one thing perfectly clear:
Miranda Rights are what actors playing cops on TV say to actors playing criminals on TV. They are not read by real-life cops to real-life criminals. Ever.
How do I know this?
Because I've been arrested probably around 20 times and been 'Mirandized' exactly 0 times. The first time I was in jail I mentioned this to other inmates and they said the same was true for them. When I did 9 months for leading a 63-mile per hour 'high speed' chase on the interstate I got to hear dozens of new inmates talk about how they never had 'their rights' read to them.
Once I told a judge about this and he asked me how I knew what Miranda rights were and I told him from TV. He said "Fine. Then you knew your rights and didn't need my officer to waste time telling you what you already knew."
Still don't believe me? Try it yourself. Go get arrested for something. While you are being led to the back of the cop car in handcuffs ask the officer if he is going to read you your rights. He will tell you that he doesn't have time for nonsense, he's got a lot of work to do.
"They didn't read him his rights!" Ha!
Rights? You don't have no f'ing rights. Now shut your damn mouth if you know what's good for you and get in the car.
Oh, and watch your head.
(I've never had a cop fasten me in with a seatbelt either, but that's a different story...)