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Mother's Day Club

Mother's Day has always been a tough one for me to stomach. I lost my mom when I was 18. If you have any great mom memories, please feel free to share!

Here's just a few short ones

Sweeping the backyard so we could ice skate and play hockey with brooms
Pulling me out of school to take me to skiing
Making me toast when I was sick

I wish this post stopped right here, but there's another side to this story.

We lost her when I was young. The years leading up to her death were especially rough. Everyone goes through it to some degree, but I put my folks through hell. They were over protective Irish Catholics and I was a hippie punk who would disappear for days at a time with my druggie friends. It put us at odds for years and it was a particularly strained relationship with lots of fights and a lot of things I wish I never said.

I was living in the dorms in my second semester when I found out. A binge drinking college freshman doesn't understand the gravity of late stage cancer. By this time, we were on much better terms, but that didnt change the fact that 75 days later, we lost her.

Apologizing to your crying mom in a hospice bed is not something you want to go through. Yes, you should do it if your relationship is screwed up, but I wish I was just better to her when I had the chance.

For those of you that lost their mom, I share your pain. For those that are still lucky enough to have a mom, make it count

Cheers

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My mother and I also didn't

My mother and I also didn't always have a great relationship but we loved each other. I lost her when I was 33 and did get a chance to know her better after growing up. It was then that I realized how much she did to teach me and my sis. She brought American history to life for us through annual roadtrips. She loved history so much that she wanted us to experience it as she did. If we ever got into a tiff about how we were raised, she'd say she and my dad did the best they knew how. I tried to talk to her more about things that were important, but I really feel like I still didn't do very well at it. She never got to see my daughter which saddens me; she wanted to be a grandmother but never really expressed it much. I realized it when I saw how happy she was when a close co-worker of her's had a baby. I have a beautiful 7-yr-old daughter and my mother would've taken her under her wing to tell her all about American history like she did me. So I'm trying to do everything I can to show my daughter I love her and tell her all about her grandmother (and share a few history lessons too!)

Today I spent a few hours with my 89 Y.O. mother

And our small, but loving, family. On Mother's Day we all see her but never all at one time. We have always come on that day when we could. This year it was organized to show Mom a solid wall of love and support.. we just found out that she has some form of cancer. I have to go to the Dr.tomorrow with my Mom and sister to see what it is and what is going to be the recommended treatment.Her Birthday is Oct 5 and the goal for the family is AT LEAST 90!
My mother has always been so practical and stoic that it is somewhat of a joke within the family. When she was told that she had cancer and I expressed my sadness she said "Oh my God, I'm going to be 90years old ..I have to die from "SOMETHING"!..so tomorrow I will go with my Mom and hear the probably really bad news and help her make some hard decisions along with my sister.I will love her and support her decisions with my whole heart .I will do all in my power (of legal attorney) to keep her from pain and keep her in her home. (though she has never had me make that promise to her "because that is selfish")to love her til the end and keep her beautiful life beautiful. This was a great Mother's Day because my mother's love brought us all together once again. she loves us therefore we all love her and each other.

Laurelai

My mother and I co-owned a

My mother and I co-owned a business. I told her goodnight as she left on evening. She never got out of bed the next morning. As much as that hurt her very words came back to me.

The way she would lighten up a funeral by telling funny, yet life changing, stories about the way the deceased lived. What amazed me is she could always find that in anyone.

We all look back in one way or another. For me I have to think if I would have know that was the last time I would have...... It appears you have become a Liberty loving person. Your mom did well and I am sure she is proud of you. The last thing she would want is you feeling guilt over her. No parent would want that.

My mom had fun writing crazy excuse notes

to the high school when she let us be absent for whatever reason. "P was absent because of the lumbago." Stuff like that. The school was not amused, but there was nothing they could do about it. She also wrote lots of letters to the editor of the local weekly newspaper, using hick talk to make fun of and exposing the corrupt county supervisors. She quit the letters right before her eldest child started high school so that we wouldn't be discriminated against by the teachers because of her locally famous writings. Even so, my high school teachers used to ask me if JE was my mom!! She taught her kids, by her example, to be irreverent towards governmental authorities.

She is a published poet with the Sacramento poets group and earned a M.A. in American Literature.

She died a couple of years ago at age 81.

P.S. I ought to add that she taught me to read with McGuffy's Primer when I was four. I remember it like it was yesterday.

Fbuzz - my heart goes out to you.

You should forgive yourself - you were just a kid. I'm certain your mom loves you no less for it. Your path has been a difficult one.

Keep talking to her. A mother's love never dies. She will be listening.

ConstitutionHugger's picture

My story is somewhat similar

I lost my mom when she was 49, and I was 17. She was diagnosed with skin cancer on Oct. 31, 1988 and died on May 2, 1989 (right during the time they are hyping up mother's day on every TV and radio channel). I was a senior in high school and totally preoccupied with my boyfriend/friends drama and getting into drinking and stuff that worries mothers. I just could not get it through my head that she was dying. I kept thinking she'd get better. Six months wasn't a lot of time to grow up and get over myself.
By the time I realized she was dying, I was paralyzed with fear and could barely talk to her. There were no goodbyes or last minute apologies. I had so many regrets and was devastated with grief. It took about 10 years to feel normal again.
You never know how much your mother is a part of you until you've lost her.

My God

I know exactly what you are saying. I never had the words strong enough to describe what I felt on the days leading up to it, but "paralyzed with fear" says it all.

I hope that you have been able to come to terms with it, but I know I still haven't. It's been 13 years and it took me this long to feel comfortable sharing this with a bunch of strangers on the Internet. I pray that you will soon feel the relief I just did when I clicked the submit button.

You sound like an incredibly thoughtful and intelligent person. I'm sure your mom understands and is 100% in your corner.

ConstitutionHugger's picture

Thanks

It was nice of you to start a thread about losing your mother. It can serve a comfort for those of us who have lost her and as a source of advice for those who still have her.

It's been 24 years for me. I don't feel sad or guilty anymore. Time does heal all wounds. I found that mourning would fade and then come back again, fade again, and come back again. Sort of like an elliptical orbit around the pain that gradually moves away from the source, but at times intensifies although at a diminshed intensity than the last time. Hopefullly that makes sense.

I gained a better understanding of the whole situation. To finish off my healing, I now have three little children to fill the hole in my heart. I will try to raise them to be unselfish and think of the family as a team. I'm going to homeschool them to keep them close, and teach them responsibility for themselves and "the team." Hopefully I can give them the right frame of mind to deal with tragedy if it comes their way. (I will also use lessons from the Ron Paul homeschool curriculum.)

Thank you for your prayers, and I will also pray for your continued healing from the trauma of losing your mom. No doubt your mother is in Heaven with perfect understanding of everything that happened and feels only love for you.

egapele's picture

Thanks for that.

It's a pretty sad day when you're mom's not around but worse on Mother's Day. I lost mine when I was 13. Great post, thanks again.

I'm really sorry to hear that

It took me 13 years to be able to even utter a resemblance of remorse. It was coming, and it came today. Thank you

Any good memories you want to share?

I just lost my mom this past

I just lost my mom this past Thursday. She had several physical challenges during her life, but I never heard her once complain about it or play the victim role. The odd thing was that she seemed to be on the mend lately, when out of the blue she quietly slipped away. I suppose it's a bit fortunate that she didn't have to endure too much suffering.

There's a list of things I wish I had been able to do or say to her before this happened, but I think no matter how long she lived, there would have always been some sort of list. The best thing I can do now is to spend a lot of time with my dad. It's the first time he's been by himself in 49 years. As he said "it's always been us, not just me. I don't think I can ever get used to that".

What I learned from her was a tremendous strength in adversity and to never lose your sense of humor! She had a great ability to find out what your concerns were, and then make them her own. Even though she didn't agree completely with me on political issues, she donated to Dr. Paul's campaign a few times because she knew it was important to me.

This is why I come to this site everyday. Not only am I always learning about the cause of liberty and current events, but how many other places will you see these type of discussions (non-mainstream!) on Mother's Day?

I am so sorry for your loss.

My father battled cancer for several years, and beat it. We all breathed a sigh of relief, and six months later he dropped dead of a heart attack at my mother's feet. They were at Cincinnati Music Hall, on the escalator going up. :) A doctor and nurse were behind them, CPR was begun immediately, but he was just gone. Forgive me for sharing not a "happy" memory here, but a poignant one. I was out of town on a business trip with my husband, had to fly home get the kids, pick my husband up at another airport (they could not get us on the same plane.) When I finally got there almost 2 days later, this devastated tiny little thing came to me, almost as if I were the mother and she the child looking for answers... "He didn't even say goodbye" she said, and she began to weep.
I'm sorry to welcome you to the "mother's day kinda sucks" crowd, but if it is any comfort, it is a club we all join eventually, unless something even more tragic happens.

Love or fear? Chose again with every breath.

I think my dad

Said the same exact words. Nothing anyone can say will be able to convey what they truly feel for you. With you by his side everything will come to pass. My mother had the same characteristics, dying of colon cancer but mad at you for missing work to see her.

I'm still not a religious person, but I know for a fact God exists. I can prove it by the way I feel when I think about her. May your days be blessed and moments remembered.

Sorry about the recent loss of your mother.

Sounds like she was a special lady.

It's good that you and your dad are there for each other.

Thank you!

Thank you!

Furlough, thanks for sharing and putting yourself out there.

I lost my mom when she was 49. I was 25. Didn't get to say goodbye. My daughter was 2yrs old, so she did at least get to enjoy a couple years of being a grandmother.

My mom was a down earth person. She was a great cook and had a creative, artistic side. And she loved to laugh. There were difficult and tense times, and I wish she'd had a better life, but at least there was laughter.

I'm glad you had closure with your mom. Maybe you can come to forgive yourself over the things you regret. I'll bet she has.

Our moms are prolly in heaven swapping funny stories right now about all the silly and embarrassing things we did when we were young. ;)

Thank you Jiminy for your touching comment

When I think of mothers I think of all the moms who had to stay strong when their sons/daughters endured great suffering...
Mother of Jesus...and all the countless moms who like Cindy Sheehan lived to bury their own children.

LL on Twitter: http://twitter.com/LibertyPoet
sometimes LL can suck & sometimes LL rocks!
http://www.dailypaul.com/203008/south-carolina-battle-of-cow...
Love won! Deliverance from Tyranny is on the way! Col. 2:13-15

Yes, moms have to be pretty tough cookies sometimes.

...and it is especially sad when they have to bury their children.

Saw your comment further down. Glad your mom got to come and visit you. Cherish that time together.

Yesterday, Our Family Got Together To Celebrate Our Mothers Day

Yesterday, Our Family Got Together To Celebrate Our Mothers Day

My mother is just like a little kid when it comes to the holidays and and of course her day. Mother is so cute and tiny but she has a good right hand. (I fear she might hurt anyone who might be thinking about taking her guns away.. (Annie Oakley incarnate- huh!))

Yesterday, mu cousins delivered some of my deceased aunts (my mothers older sister) precious belongings they wanted her to have. My Mother was so surprised and animated and thrilled to have that special necklace my aunt had owned for years and years. Also, she was given a brand new big screen TV and a couple of nice antique lamps and other items too numerous to mention. I was happy for my Mother and we all chipped in and helped arraigning these things for her and after we watched as she opened her Mothers day gifts with her entire family around her. She was so happy as she was overcome with joy.

What a joy to have such a great and happy Mother. She said the best thing about Mothers Day was having her family around her. That is all she really wanted.

My eyes are watering now so I will end here..

Just reading how you describe it

You can really feel the love she sounds like a wonderful person and you sound like a wonderful child. May every mother have someone like you

Much like you, I lost my mom at age 17 (she was 44)...

...but in our case it was a bitter-sweet thing because our mom (there were 10 of us) had a lot of mental/emotional issues which were magnified by lots of drug/alcohol use.

We had her institutionalized 4 times because she kept going off the deep end.

She could have just as easily have ended up in jail for child abuse (nothing sexual - just violence, both physical and psychological) as her substance abuse took control of her life - and ours.

So Mother's day is a meaningless holiday for me.

Actually I think we have way too many "Hallmark Holidays" which are just commercial traps.

I boycott most of them.

"We have allowed our nation to be over-taxed, over-regulated, and overrun by bureaucrats. The founders would be ashamed of us for what we are putting up with."
-Ron Paul

Mother's Day can be hard on boys, too...


http://youtu.be/bhcA4Ry65FU

Pandas eat bugs.

Not just for boys

My girls did this today too. Why did you put out the sushi early? Why did you not share the buffalo chicken dip? My card is handmade. My gift is handmade. I did more dishes.
Oy vey. Mother's Day, don't make me the referee again.

Colchester, New London County, Connecticut

Loved the video. I do not

Loved the video. I do not have any sons but this made me laugh out loud, and that was a great Mother's Day gift. :)

egapele's picture

LOL! I have three sons and that nailed it.

:)

I have to re-visit that clip now and again....

Yes, the Brothers for Mothers Day video is priceless. I come back to that clip every few months for a good laugh. It never gets old.

On a more serious note, I lost MY Mom on July 1, 2006. Even though it has been almost 7 years, the reality of knowning that she is "not here" continues to hit me like a shockwave. For a looong time, it seemed so....impossible!

In life, we usually have options and opportunities....the ability to change things. But death is so FINAL! It is non-negotiable! Never have I known anything to be so "permanent".

On the bright side, my Mom's Mom is still aliove and we are celebrating HER, Today!!! For this opportunity, I am deeply and greatly-BLESSED!!!

Robby Lane

Thank You

I realized that my mom was very alone about a year ago...She is 74. Now, her and I go out to Garage Sales every Friday. She spends hours on Craigslist on Thursday night writing them all down...she looks so forward to it all week...and it is so fun. Today, I am going to take her to lunch and then we are going to the Portland Timbers mothers day game (Soccer). We have had our fallout's for years, and my sister won't talk to her....that is another story... Time is short here...and these people will be gone. Spend time with them. Include them in your everyday fun. Happy mothers day.
.
One more thing that is hilarious. When we go to a garage sale and it is horrible, my mom will keep apologizing like it is "Her Fault". That the sale was bad. Talk about comedy.....I keep telling her...why are you apologizing? She says "I just don't want to waste our time, because these days go by so fast.".

So awesome

You are truly blessed. Thanks for making me smile.

Thanks for posting this

My mom just turned 71 a few days ago and I am so glad I still have her around.
Last month she came to my city and stayed with me full two weeks -- what a wonderful time we had together.

Happy Mothers Day to all moms starting with Carol Paul.

LL on Twitter: http://twitter.com/LibertyPoet
sometimes LL can suck & sometimes LL rocks!
http://www.dailypaul.com/203008/south-carolina-battle-of-cow...
Love won! Deliverance from Tyranny is on the way! Col. 2:13-15