Smudge Pot on the issue of dog licenses (Sunday read).Submitted by Smudge Pot on Sun, 05/12/2013 - 14:59
The topic of dogs has been coming up recently. We got Sheriff's Deputies in Illinois going door to door to force dog owners to pay up or the pooches get impounded and we recently have a police dog that bit somebody (don't worry, the canine officer has more rights than the bitten party) and other dog related issues such as routine "puppycide" by officers who seem to consider it standard policy to shoot civilian dogs on sight (sorry which part of the constitution enumerates canine rights?) and so on. So that reminded old Smudge of a story.
About a year or so ago I bounce into the local town hall for some bull crap business paperwork and I'm waiting at the counter and one of the lanes has a sign with the arrow and it says "dog licenses".
When the drone on my case returned I asked him "how hard does my dog have to study to get his license?"
I was trying to make a joke right? But the guy looks at me with a complete blank and goes "what?" So I explain that while he tries very hard my dog really isn't all that smart and written tests are one of his weaknesses.
The guys has me locked with eyes the size of dinner plates. I think he's wondering "is this guy crazy?" but he manages to say "we just want to make sure you are a responsible dog owner" and I was like "and you are gonna ask his opinion? I don't even wanna know. He'll tell you I don't take him for enough walks and he doesn't get to destroy nearly enough frisbees and tennis balls and I'm sure I rank pretty low in his opinion. So hey, how about that permit?"
Cause I can see my very lucid explanation was going nowhere. Some people behind counters like a joke. This guy was just befuddled. I was an anomaly. And how is he supposed to know the very threatening looking biker dude with the dagger on his hip and a full grin revealing rotting teeth is in fact a comedian? I will say he expidited my request, even providing me with stamped envelopes and forms so I "don't have to come in here again".
I really appreciated that. I was tempted to schedule an appointement for my dog to take his test but if he wasn't pushing it I was willing to let things lie as they were. See I don't view this to be an argument between men but between men and God or more specifically, God and the men who make the rules.
Or en reducto the issue at hand is that God simply refuses to obey the rules of men but instead continues to merrily churn out unlicensed and unpapered dogs.
Dogs being routinely bought, sold and traded by men, they fall under interstate commerce regulation. All other manufacturers of goods are obliged to keep careful records and issue papers of origin and certification with their products so they can be taxed, tracked and regulated. But not so with God who seems to be an unrepentant scofflaw in this regard.
Now I have been told that God cares not for the laws of men, as if that needs any clarification but let's just see how his smug butt feels when he's standing in front of a MUNICIPAL COURT JUDGE.
And I bet that's what the drone who took my money for a half ounce of papers that weren't even good for rolling joints out of was thinkin'. His eyes as I left said "just you wait Mr. Smartypants (smarty fatigues actually), one day you'll end up in our MUNICIPAL COURT and we'll see how smug you and your little dog are.
But there you have the essential problem. And it's not just esoteric. Did you notice God has a monopoly on the dog creation industry? He's free from all these taxes and regulation, he has an unfair competitive advantage and it's stifling market entry and innovation, it's causing a massive mis-allocation of resources and in government's humble opinion, leaving it NO CHOICE but to force regulation on us, the innocent end-users. In other words, God, like everybody else that just can't follow the rules like the rest of us, ends up costing us in the form of higher taxes for services we shouldn't have to provide.
The fact is that I DIDN'T MAKE THE DOG. IT WAS ALREADY MADE WHEN I FOUND IT AND FURTHERMORE WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO TAKE THE TEST FOR THE DOG'S LICENSE? I'M NOT A DOG AND I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT BEING A DOG.
I can sense when I'm being set up for failure. Me and my dog. Pass a written test. GUYS MY DOG CAN'T OPEN A CAN OF ALPO. But he's my dog in the same way I say "my wife" or "my friends" or "my kids". I don't really own any of them. They are only mine by way of love and commitment.
The real culpable party here needs to be called to account. If God refuses to continue issuing unlicensed and unregulated dogs I think prompt judicial and law enforcement action is sensible and appropriate and I wonder if all that's required is for somebody to make a civil complaint. I see no need for additional legislation or drawn out processes, LET'S JUST ENFORCE THE LAWS ON THE BOOKS NOW.
And if God refuses to comply or is openly defiant in court, our august municipal court judges in black robes can throw his white robed butt right back in the pokey where he's been for most of the last couple thousand years. It's true. The guy is a regular jailbird.
How many ex cons have you heard say they met the Lord in prison?