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Caregivers Helping Caregivers

This post is for all primary caregiver DPers for comments, suggestions, moral support, or to just vent, as the caregiver is under unimaginable stress 24/7.

Being the primary caregiver for a loved one takes a heavy toll on a person. Some people just can’t stand by and do nothing, even though other family members seem very happy to go on with their lives, quite undisturbed by the trauma and heartbreak of it all. But, to be fair, not everyone is cut out for the job. I dare say anyone who hasn’t been in that position doesn’t have a clue about the stress, drama, heartache, and frustrations of the seemingly never ending ordeal caregivers go through on a daily basis. Maybe some of those people will drop by and learn something that they'll remember down the road, should they ever have to take on the role of primary caregiver for their loved ones.

Being a primary caregiver is not a new role for me. I’ve had to do it a few times in the past. It was never easy but, this time is the absolute worst, because I know my beloved husband is slowly dying and it is so very, very, hard to stay calm about it. But, stay calm I must, as all caregivers must remain calm, especially in front of the loved one.

DPers who have been on the receiving end of such care, like our friends, bear and fishy, may have suggestions to help the caregivers tend to loved ones in ways that we haven't thought of yet. Anything that helps is most appreciated! Help is the one thing most of us don’t have… At least, nowhere near enough help to make things a little easier. We get tired and overwhelmed. But, we can make this post a place to recharge ourselves for the next round of problems, with the help from friends we haven't met yet.

I have always found that RP supporters, and DPers in particular, show themselves to be among the most caring and generous people on earth, always willing to help one another. That’s what this post is about. So, go ahead and vent. We understand! Heck, we will probably all take a turn at venting, too, when the stress becomes too overwhelming. I'm sorry I couldn't do this post before our friend, skippy d, burned out and I hope she is lurking here and that the Mods will reconsider and reinstate her membership, after learning about the kind of stress she is under.

Please don't hesitate to ask for help with a specific situation, because you never know... one of us may have "been there/done that" and might have the answer for you. Others of us maybe haven't had that particular problem YET, so those who have dealt with it can be of invaluable assistance for the rest of us. Just being aware of another's pain and supporting that person with warm thoughts and prayers can do wonders.

Caregivers, please visit this post often. You never know when you'll get the answer you didn't know you needed. Of course, prayers are going out to all caregivers from many DPers. May God help us all.

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One of the best posts ever!

You are an amazing woman Nonna. Thank you for this post and all you do. It is an honor to read and share your knowledge... and love.
Thank you.

I too am a caregiver and have

I too am a caregiver and have a sibling that could care less. Amazes me.

If you walk blindly through life, you will run into a lot of walls.

It used to bother me a lot. I learned the hard way to

not look for ANYONE, until I see them at my door. Their talk is so cheap that's is worthless. It only gave my husband false hope, so I stopped telling him so and so said s/he is coming to see him; and when he'd spoken to someone on the phone and would tell me s/he was coming to visit soon, I just had to let him down as gently as I could. Believe me, we had VERY few nice "surprises".

But, you know what, mskellymac? It doesn't upset me anymore, because it all came back to haunt each one of them. Karma is a Bitch.

“It is the food which you furnish to your mind that determines the whole character of your life.”
―Emmet Fox

I missed this post last year.

Yes, some people do not want to be bothered, I have learned. I just wanted some other family members to be a team, and help me. More than one caregiver is ideal, especially if they live in the house of the person needing the help.

The first thing is to ask what the person wants as the main baseline and not go statist - performing what you believe is best for the person. If you can get an adamant decision from the person needing help, that should be honored. This is where passing in peace will occur for that person, no matter how bad the ailment.

My influences were from people whose loved passed in the home. I lost the debate with sibling due to their influence from others of placing them.

My Mother did not need hospice, she wasn't that bad. A visiting nurse would have been sufficient to help out.

And the health proxy stuff is horrible, just horrible. Ultimate power to one person, a dictator that decides everything, including locking out other siblings. And worse if that person is not that bright, just a typical mainstream follower.

I feel like I should now be speaking to audiences on my terrible experience to enlighten others besides Liberty education.

You ARE Speaking About It...

...and WE are your audience, at least for now.

If you do feel inspired to share your experience, strength and hope with even more of an audience?.....I salute you, Tony.
Even sharing the pain...yes..the pain.
For when you share your pain with divide it in two.

Your sharing about this has helped me, and (I dare say), others who are reading these posts.
I am less alone now.

Thanks Tony
Thanks Nonna

"Beyond the blackened skyline, beyond the smoky rain, dreams never turned to ashes up until.........
...Everything CHANGED !!

deacon's picture

I could use a bit of help

Not sure how to start though.
Our daughter has been diagnosed with ms,she is 17.
I can't get her to eat,she is always sleeping,no energy,and when she does eat
just throws it all up.
I have tried getting her to eat coconut oil,royal jelly,but nothing helps
The dr put her on meds that would run 5 grand a month,and make feel worse than she usually does
We know how to eat right,so that might not be a factor,but 17 ?!?!
Her life is still ahead,as mine is behind,ITS WAY TOO YOUNG and besides that crap like that sucks.
I have talked to some on here and got the ideas I stated above,but if she can't hold anything down,nothing is going to work. I am selling off things we saved for the future to get more supplies just to end this for her and us
As I have stated here before,I am not well,have a bad back,and can't help her much.I get to be the caregiver when at a time in my own life,I have a harder time just helping myself
I have stated before,I used to look for the good in all things,even strife,but anymore I see no good at all

Leave an indelible mark on all of those that you meet.
OH... have fun day :)

deacon's picture

You got me

In a good way.
Your top link is very interesting and doable
From what I read,it helps the total body,and by doing so,helps the soul as well. I am going to give that a try,Not just for the lil one,but for myself as well. I do agree about feeding yourself first,but,there are times when the lil ones come first,then to the grownups...the scraps
ANNNNDD,from that same link, I found this this little ditty uh huh..uh huh...uh huh
Paul_S talks about the lack of vitamin and minerals,and how most do not get enough...So that got me wondering,what if.I used that as a supplement and a plant fertilizer as well.
I am not looking for a quick fix,nor do I look to short term gains,I look past that,and try to project what I want into the future, I try to plan for the future instead of day to day
Anyhoo,with that said,and probably other stuff you didn't want to read :)
Those 2 are next on my agenda. I sold off a few things here,and am looking into a rife genny...another one of them damned if you ,damned if you don't kind of deals
And then I remembered this

Leave an indelible mark on all of those that you meet.
OH... have fun day :)

deacon's picture

Thanks John

appreciate the links.looks great from where i am sitting
I tried to NOT read your correspondence between yourself and SC buttefly.
confusing to say the least :) was like reading while experiencing a slow motion train wreck. All this time I thought I couldn't get any more confused
IT totally proved me wrong ;)

Leave an indelible mark on all of those that you meet.
OH... have fun day :)

My pleasure

Of course I didn't intend to post the same link twice, but I did mean to eventually return here with more comment on the subject. My string with Butterfly actually helped me write out the stuff I wanted to write to you. Sure, there's plenty of arcane gibberish between me and her, but I have no problem with others reading it [we could have gone my private had we needed]. In fact, if you just skip down to the comment headlined "Hm, how do I say this with brevity AND clarity?" and read down from there, then you will read all that I felt compelled to comment to you. Read down through the one headlined "I'm sorry to hear that,". I give another link in that comment which pretty much wraps up the on-topic stuff for you.

This old post from Nonna was a great place to post your current concerns as you are also dealing with your own state of physical and mental health. We can't do much for others if we ourselves are not up to snuff. Since I've had kids I've learned to often feed myself before feeding them.

deacon's picture

I knew you had something on your mind

I read all them comments,I couldn't stop reading them.afraid to turn away
actually,I am soo close to much,I used it as a release,but I did get info out of it,for that I am thankful.

Leave an indelible mark on all of those that you meet.
OH... have fun day :)


do you live in a cannabis friendly state? I ask because if I had the opportunity, I'd chug that stuff like John Robb is doing...55 gallon drums of it to get better. Have you seen "Leaf"? This video is incredible. Also the short tv series, "Weed Country" touched on this subject of healing through cannabis.


Quest for Medical Marijuana | Weed Country

Freedom is not: doing everything you want to.
Freedom is: not having to do what you don't want to do.
~ Joyce Meyer

deacon's picture

We live in mich

So yes, while friendly,the state with the fed gov deny your 2nd amendment,my buddy has his med license,he can't keep arms in his house,or even own them.
I use mj for my ailments,as well as migraines,but, I can only use it at night before bed,got to stay ready in case I am needed. 4 people on here,so far have mentioned the same thing about cannabis,I know it will help,but I do not like the fact they can come in any time they think they can (state and fed interlopers) You see,I uphold my 2nd amendment rights rather well.
I am truly grateful to each and everyone here for their support,guidance,and the love I feel from you all.

Leave an indelible mark on all of those that you meet.
OH... have fun day :)

I totally feel ya

“It is not the function of our government to keep the citizen from falling into error; it is the function of the citizen to keep the government from falling into error”
– SCOTUS, American Communications Association v. Douds

Freedom is not: doing everything you want to.
Freedom is: not having to do what you don't want to do.
~ Joyce Meyer

Am I hearing you right?


Freedom is not: doing everything you want to.
Freedom is: not having to do what you don't want to do.
~ Joyce Meyer


^Is that two separate thoughts?^

If so
a) I did not get this memo
b) the cat has my tongue

Freedom is not: doing everything you want to.
Freedom is: not having to do what you don't want to do.
~ Joyce Meyer

I lied,

or more specifically I spoke beyond my experience. "Yeah" sorta made it seem like I was saying that [yes] you heard me right. I have no idea if you heard me right. I don't even know to what you are listening that you might get wrong or right. I need more information from you before I can actually answer the question. I suppose that's where "what up?" was going. So, if you could scratch the "Yeah" and just embrace the "what up", I would be greatly appreciative. :)

I was

hoping it was a lie.

Freedom is not: doing everything you want to.
Freedom is: not having to do what you don't want to do.
~ Joyce Meyer

No of course not

goof. :P

Freedom is not: doing everything you want to.
Freedom is: not having to do what you don't want to do.
~ Joyce Meyer

Cat's still got your tongue, huh?

Well alrighty then.

Well no actually

I had this whole commentary about your need of medicine for delirium re:"Rock of the Westies" but decided not to mess up this thread. Now look what you made me do.

We need a different thread.

Freedom is not: doing everything you want to.
Freedom is: not having to do what you don't want to do.
~ Joyce Meyer

If it's messed up, it's already messed up.

This is my fifth comment prompting you to spill the beans. Call it fourth or fourth and a half, to be fair. :D It sounds like you had something silly(fun) to share, and now it might be weird that there's been too much focus placed upon it. Live and learn, shoulda spilled it waayyy up above.
:p~~ ~

I'm always up for silly, so no pressure, don't be shy [like you're such a shy butterfly lol]. Here is good for me as it reminds me to eventually finish commenting to deacon, but if you'd like to move it I suggest taking it to my latest post at jam session or one of my many delirium filled comments to the anadrome thread.

I thought I was prompting you to spill the beans

You do recognize these conversations have moved into "art form" at this point right? Negro spiritual or Code Talkers comes to mind. I'm guessing we're going to start talking in tones like "Close Encounters" at some point.

So you drink cbd purely for its culinary delight? Riiiight. I mean I cannot imagine are you saying you have MS?

Freedom is not: doing everything you want to.
Freedom is: not having to do what you don't want to do.
~ Joyce Meyer

Hm, how do I say this with brevity AND clarity?

I have no idea how I'm gonna say it, but I'll try. For the MOST part, I see physical medicine not much different from the mental variety. One prominent antidrug Psychiatrist [I don't remember his name] uses the term "bewitched" for patients who have been told of their various diagnoses and then become stuck in overbearing belief systems that arise from their diagnoses. I MIGHT benefit from the knowledge that my nerves are deteriorating at a clip that could be designated as Multiple Sclerosis if that were the case. Would I benefit from knowing that they aren't?

A year and a half ago [Christmas 2013] I spent a couple daze in bed sick with delirious fever [I typically experience delirium with all fever, always have]. When I came out of it I had lost a notable degree of control of my left pinky. It did not get any better for over a year. I also [post Christmas 2013] began to experience very brief episodes of vertigo. I was bloody the entirety of last summer as I not only hike quite a bit, but I seem to find the gnarliest of places to go. In terms of general sensation of deterioration from the mere process of aging [unsteady nerves, joint pain, eyesight loss, loss of appetite, dementia, etcetera] I felt as if I had aged a few years over the few days of that Christmas. At first I wondered if I'd had a stroke. Fungal infection or MS were also eventual candidates. I did consider hitting up a doctor for examination and consultation. I've been to doctors I don't know, maybe fifty times in my life. I can think of two or three encounters in which something positive came of it. Those encounters included either being stitched back up or receiving antibiotics for severe infection. If I break my leg or if my gut aches to the point I wonder if I need a biliary stent, I'll go to a doctor for sure, but for 9 out of 10 things I see people running to doctors for, I probably won't.

I need to eat a little snack, but I'll be back...

Well for the love of all that's holy...John Robb!

I'm amazed, floored. I'll be here even if I fall out on the keyboard. It would not be the first time I've awakened with the ctrl key imprinted in my forehead. :)

Freedom is not: doing everything you want to.
Freedom is: not having to do what you don't want to do.
~ Joyce Meyer

Anyway, hm, where was I? ...oh yeah, Nonna's old post

My ISP was down for an hour or so after I snacked. Uffda.

I don't know. I am hip to certain really great miraculous stuff doctors can perform, but for the most part what I've seen in my life [and more so as I get older]are people going to doctors and getting worse in health. Crap! My sister had cancer last spring and she went to the hospital for something not directly related to her cancer. While she was in the hospital she was fed nothing but glucose. GLUCOSE for a cancer patient! Within a week her cancer spread tenfold and she was dead! Idiots!

For the past twenty years I've consciously hung all health issues [physical and mental] on diet for the most part. I have eaten my way out of feeling like crap quite successfully for years now. It seems to work for me. After Christmas 2013 I eventually ate my way back to recovery seemingly for the most part short of my pinky, my vertigo, and my poor eyesight. Last winter even before my sister was diagnosed with advanced cancer, I went for an update on the latest information on the ever growing knowledgebase of the function of cannabinoids in the human body. At the time I decided to acquire concentrated CBD hemp oil for my sister I decided to also get some for myself. Chicken soup! Couldn't hoyt! I started drinking that stuff in March. I remember getting up out of bed the day after first consuming it. No pain! It didn't take me my normal twenty minutes to get my body working. Most of the little carking aches and pains that I had grown accustomed to think were simply normal for a fifty year old were not only absent but remained so throughout my day, and the next, and the next, for the most part. After a month I noticed that I wasn't experiencing dizzy spells, and control of my left pinky had largely returned. My supply ran out in early June. In July I noticed my vertigo again. I'm slow and just ordered more last weekend. It came to my door FedEx yesterday, and here I am again today reacquainting myself with all I've written above in this paragraph.

I have friends who are hypochondriacs. Their hypochondria is detrimental to most of them as it drives then to stress out or worse, run to their doctors. I'm as hypochondriac as the worst of them, but it almost seems beneficial to me as it always eventually gets me to eat well and relax. Ultimately, there is only one cure for all disease. To think that you can fight this disease or cure that disease, is a sick joke. There is simply disease, and there is simply remedy for it. Sometimes I don't pay attention, I drop the ball, and after a while I feel like crap. The goal for me is to not drop the ball but to wake up every day, proceeding and eating as if I have multiple sclerosis, diabetes, chlamydia and cancer. When I really think about it, 99.9% of all that I can do against any of those nasties is the same. When I think about it a little more, 99.9% of all I can do aginst those nasties is the same thing I should be doing anyway, despite any thoughts whatsoever regarding those nasties.

Sorry about your sister

I remember that because I posted the song "Go West Young Man" about you traveling.

I kind of feel the same way as you about doctors...I have a spinal tap ahead of me to conclude a proper diagnosis but I keep putting it off because I don't want my spine punctured (again) and I'm kind of holding off "claiming MS". My MRI's don't show the white lesions but I have nearly every other hallmark.

Freedom is not: doing everything you want to.
Freedom is: not having to do what you don't want to do.
~ Joyce Meyer

I'm sorry to hear that,

but what are you gonna do if some doctor tells you you have MS? I mean what would be the difference from the day before you were told to the day after you were told such a thing? I'm not being rhetorical, it's a serious question. Same thing with this... Is meningitis part of the concern? Other than testing for meningitis, what good will a spinal tap do? Will they test for iron? What do you know about it?

Back to the big picture... What is the best thing we can do if we are diagnosed with MS? Diabetes? Hypoglycemia? Hypothyroid? Hyperthyroid? Candidiasis? Cancer?

For all of the above...
remove: sugar, grains, mycotoxins, fluoride, (too much)iron, (too much)omega6, pasteurized dairy, etcetera
add: vitamin d, b complex, cod liver oil, fish, sunlight, eggs, iodine, cannabinoids, etcetera

Deacon mentioned he fed his daughter yogurt, toast, and Snapple. Her body was perfectly justified in puking it out.

By the way, what symptoms of dis-ease currently plague you? Do you tremble? Do you have seemingly involuntary movements? Do you get dizzy moments? If you get dizzy does it ever feel as if the blood flow to and from your head is somehow blocked?

You are quite advanced in your knowledge of neuro-nutrition, but I'll link this anyway. It's a good reminder for me...