42 votes

Sooo Funny

THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN. I ACTUALLY HAD TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY FACE WHILE READING IT!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOO FUNNY!!!:

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat.

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.

This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect



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Man, I needed that today,

Man, I needed that today, that was absolutely hilarious. Funniest thing I've seen in a longggg time for sure!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAAAA

Whew.. Im still laughing. Thanks for sharing.

Not to be the 'one-upper' dude.. but if you haven't read the best-of-craigslist, allow me to share this gem:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/snj/494903542.html

'Peace is a powerful message.' Ron Paul

Now, That Was Funny!

Thanks Nick!

I almost pisssed myself. that

I almost pisssed myself. that was funny.

Oh my gosh

That was probably the funniest thing I've ever read.

Tears are Falling

Good thing I haven't reached for the coffee yet, it was a volcano of laughter erupting this morning!

"I, __________, do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oath_of_enlistment

There is no duration defined in the Oath

Hilarious with a great message, too

Don't place Veet near your...

BUMP!!!

Lol!...

...Thanks for the laugh :D Needed that !

Keep your eye on the prize! - Ending legal tender laws in order for the Federal Reserve System to self-destruct is of the upmost importance.
What in the World are They Spraying https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jf0khstYDLA
http://geoengineeringwatch.org

Oh, wow!

This is quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever read. I had to stop halfway through to wipe the tears away.

He's gotta be Irish or

Scottish. Best post yet, emalvini!

Emalvini, I read all your

Humor posts that I see, and they are all usually pretty funny, but this particular post is the one by which all others will be judged.lol

Thanks for the laugh

“When a well-packaged web of lies has been sold gradually to the masses over generations, the truth will seem utterly preposterous and its speaker a raving lunatic.” – Dresden James

After the last couple of weeks

It was great to have a good belly laugh!

scawarren's picture

LOL reminded me of this.....

NEVER WAX YOUR HOO-HA

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
Read on..........

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Fix dinner, watch the grand kids come and go. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: 'Maybe I should get the waxing kit from the medicine cabinet.

So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those 'cold wax' kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off.. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?

I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together.

Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,' yeah...right!)

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.

It works!

OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.

I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!
I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin Extraordinaire!

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the family, I sneak back into the bathroom for the ultimate hair fighting championship.

I drop my granny panties and place one foot on the toilet..

Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha and

Stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip).
I inhale deeply and brace myself.....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!......OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.
CRAP!

Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.

I think I may pass out....... I must stay conscious...I must stay conscious.

Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe.... OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.

I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.
I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip..... it's not!

I touch.. I am touching wax.

I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake ... Remember my foot is still propped upon the toilet? So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself 'Please don't let me get the urge to poop...My head may pop off!'
What can I do to melt the wax?

Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand in the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right ???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.... In scalding hot water.

Which, by the way, does not melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cemented myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the AT&T man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter.

So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!'
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me...

She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?'
She's laughing out loud by now ... I can hear her..

I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.

While we go through various solutions, I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace.....
the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point?

I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!! The scream probably woke the family and scared the dickens out of my friend.

It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.

'IT WORKS!!
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color........how bad can that turn out???

It is easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled. – Mark Twain

Thanks for the laugh

I too laughed until I cried.

Omg

that's hilarious!

lmao

lmao