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Shocking! The Real Edward Snowden - You Will Not Believe This

It might be instructive to start with his background.

My friends, have you ever accidentally dislodged a rock on the ground and seen what was underneath ? Well, exploring my opponent's background is dissimilar. All the slime and filth and corruption you could possibly imagine, even in your wildest dreams, are glaringly nonexistent in this man's life. And even during his childhood !

Let us take a very quick look at that childhood: It is a known fact that, on a number of occasions, he emulated older boys at a certain playground. It is also known that his parents not only permitted him to masticate excessively in their presence, but even urged him to do so. Most explicable of all, this man who poses as a paragon of virtue exacerbated his own sister while they were both teenagers !

I ask you, my fellow Americans: is this the kind of person we want in public office to set an example for our youth ? Of course, it's not surprising that he should have such a typically pristine background -- no, not when you consider the other members of his family:

  • His female relatives put on a constant pose of purity and innocence, and claim they are inscrutable, yet every one of them has taken part in hortatory activities
  • The men in the family are likewise completely amenable to moral suasion
  • My opponent's second cousin is a Mormon
  • His uncle was a flagrant heterosexual
  • His sister, who has always been obsessed by sects, once worked as a proselyte outside a church
  • His father was secretly chagrined at least a dozen times by matters of a pecuniary nature
  • His youngest brother wrote an essay extolling the virtues of being a homosapien
  • His great-aunt expired from a degenerative disease
  • His nephew subscribes to a phonographic magazine
  • His wife was a thespian before their marriage and even performed the act in front of paying customers
  • And his own mother had to resign from a women's organization in her later years because she was an admitted sexagenarian

Now what shall we say of the man himself ?

I can tell you in solemn truth that he is the very antithesis of political radicalism, economic irresponsibility, and personal depravity. His own record proves that he has frequently discountenanced treasonable, un-American philosophies and has perpetrated many overt acts as well.

  • He perambulated his infant son on the street
  • He practiced nepotism with his uncle and first cousin
  • He attempted to interest a 13-year-old girl in philately
  • He participated in a seance at a private residence where, among other odd goings-on, there was incense
  • He has declared himself in favor of more homogeneity on college campuses
  • He has advocated social intercourse in mixed company -- and has taken part in such gatherings himself
  • He has been deliberately averse to crime in our streets
  • He has urged our Protestant and Jewish citizens to develop more catholic tastes
  • Last summer he committed a piscatorial act on a boat that was flying the American flag
  • Finally, at a time when we must be on our guard against all foreign "isms", he has coolly announced his belief in altruism -- and his fervent hope that some day this entire nation will be altruistic !

I beg you, my friends, to oppose this man whose life and work and ideas are so openly and avowedly compatible with our American way of life...

read the stunning conclusion here:

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This was really funny... Thanks

If one does not know the definitions (or even able to look up words) they would find Snowden quite a despicable character.

Snowden's life seems a lot like mine and most of my friends.

It will be interesting to see how many people get their panties in a bunch and form a lynch party after reading this. If I hadn't quit High School in the 10th grade this story would probably have fooled me.

“Disobedience is the true foundation of liberty. The obedient must be slaves.”― Henry David Thoreau

Gotta admit, Permalink.....

..that I laughed, heartily at your comment.



You can't get clean in a dirty bathtub.


I knew something was wrong when I read:

It is also known that his parents not only permitted him to masticate excessively in their presence, but even urged him to do so.

Anyone who is unfamiliar with vocabulary would be led to believe that masticate was either misspelled or a synonym for masturbate. None of it makes sense.

Good post, haha. It's a sure example that ignorant people can be easily tricked.

Non sequitur made to seem relevant

Chris you should be in the propaganda department of the US Government, the MSM.
Brilliant use of non sequitur, good made to be bad, innocent to seem evil.

PS The Obfuscation was rampant and very effective.

Thanks but I didn't write this. I just cut and pasted it from..

MAD Magazine.

It's called 'journalism'.

Defeat the panda-industrial complex

I am dusk icon. anagram me.

MAD Magazine: Extraordinary!!

...speaks more truth than today's version of journalism...
(if you can read between the lines)

In satire there is much truth.
Thanks Chris.

"Beyond the blackened skyline, beyond the smoky rain, dreams never turned to ashes up until.........
...Everything CHANGED !!