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"I Am Sorry That It Has Come to This": A Soldier's Last Words

So sad.

Daniel Somers was a veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom. He was part of Task Force Lightning, an intelligence unit. In 2004-2005, he was mainly assigned to a Tactical Human-Intelligence Team (THT) in Baghdad, Iraq, where he ran more than 400 combat missions as a machine gunner in the turret of a Humvee, interviewed countless Iraqis ranging from concerned citizens to community leaders and and government officials, and interrogated dozens of insurgents and terrorist suspects. In 2006-2007, Daniel worked with Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC) through his former unit in Mosul where he ran the Northern Iraq Intelligence Center. His official role was as a senior analyst for the Levant (Lebanon, Syria, Jordan, Israel, and part of Turkey). Daniel suffered greatly from PTSD and had been diagnosed with traumatic brain injury and several other war-related conditions. On June 10, 2013, Daniel wrote the following letter to his family before taking his life. Daniel was 30 years old. His wife and family have given permission to publish it.

I am sorry that it has come to this.

The fact is, for as long as I can remember my motivation for getting up every day has been so that you would not have to bury me. As things have continued to get worse, it has become clear that this alone is not a sufficient reason to carry on. The fact is, I am not getting better, I am not going to get better, and I will most certainly deteriorate further as time goes on. From a logical standpoint, it is better to simply end things quickly and let any repercussions from that play out in the short term than to drag things out into the long term.

You will perhaps be sad for a time, but over time you will forget and begin to carry on. Far better that than to inflict my growing misery upon you for years and decades to come, dragging you down with me. It is because I love you that I can not do this to you. You will come to see that it is a far better thing as one day after another passes during which you do not have to worry about me or even give me a second thought. You will find that your world is better without me in it.

I really have been trying to hang on, for more than a decade now. Each day has been a testament to the extent to which I cared, suffering unspeakable horror as quietly as possible so that you could feel as though I was still here for you. In truth, I was nothing more than a prop, filling space so that my absence would not be noted. In truth, I have already been absent for a long, long time.


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i talk about it


Albert Camus — 'The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.'

I've gone through severe

I've gone through severe depression, and it makes sense to just finish your life, especially if you have no chance at a decent future. Let the scumbags left behind deal with the situation.

It wouldn't be so bad if US civilization worked according to the divinely inspired US Constitution. You would still have a chance at a decent life after military service.

Congress critters saw to it life is going to be hell on Earth. I fault no one who takes their own life at this point in time. I just wish they would take a congress critter with them.

I've recovered from my depression, and just laugh at the whole situation these days. But then again, I have no family to worry about, except for the spite I want for those that deserve it.

Glad to hear that you

Glad to hear that you recovered from your depression. I was never in the military so I can't really imagine what it is truly like to come back from that.

I see a lot of young adults that have a difficult time finding their purpose in life. I can only imagine how much harder it is to find purpose after coming back from war.

I am fortunate enough to feel a great sense of purpose. I believe that that is the key to living a good life. I encourage everyone I meet to strive to find their purpose.

Perhaps the saddest thing about war is that it forces a person to go against their ideals, morals, and values. It is hard for a person to go on in life knowing that they went against their principles when it really came down to life and death. But people do what they have to do to stay alive. We can't really help it. All we can really do is help others to not make the same mistakes. I don't really know.

I won't pretend that I understand, but I think we should all try our best to do so.

Google+ Account: www.jmariano.com

Severe depression is

Severe depression is physically crippling. I know. My brain re-wired itself and I retained my understanding of the national situation I knew about and worked to change. I was luckey.

I still enjoy watching congress critters die of old age in office, Byrd, Specter, Inoway and Lautenberg mostly of late. I will enjoy watching McCain, Feinstein, Pelosi, Reid and others die of old age in office soon.

How did you "re-wire" your

How did you "re-wire" your brain. I have a close friend that has PTSD and he still gets very little sleep. I want to help however I can, even if it just being able to understand what he is going through.

Google+ Account: www.jmariano.com

Friends who have

read this book, all say "miracle, miracle!" to describe the results.