Pfizer Announces Drug Cure For HypochondriaSubmitted by Chris Cheesecurdski on Mon, 07/01/2013 - 17:00
Hot off the heels of recent successful treatments for Pica and Boogie Woogie Fever, Pfizer, Inc. (NYSE: PFE) today announced a successful drug treatment for hypochondria.
Affecting millions of Americans, hypochondria presents with a litany of symptoms which can include slight fever, chills, dry mouth, wet mouth, dyspepsia, rash, and the heebie-jeebies. Unfortunately for most sufferers the symptoms may come and go intermittently, making diagnosis difficult.
With their new home-test and drug regimine, Pfizer can now provide effective treatment to hypochondria sufferers without the unpleasant inconvenience of seeing a licensed health professional just to be ignored by them. Placebicin will be available in pill, chewable gummy, or inhalable paste form pending FDA payoffs.
Side effects include presyncopy, somnambulance, cerebellar ataxia, and the yawns. The treatment requires ingestion of a series of colored pills taken throughout the day and will cost around $3000 per month - a small price to pay for those who wish to live.