Pfizer Announces Cure For HypochondriaSubmitted by chris cudnoski on Mon, 07/01/2013 - 17:00
Hot off the heels of recent successful treatments for Pica and Boogie Woogie Fever, Pfizer, Inc. (NYSE: PFE) today announced a successful drug treatment for hypochondria.
Affecting millions of Americans, hypochondria presents with a litany of symptoms which can include slight fever, chills, dry mouth, wet mouth, dyspepsia, rash, and the heebie-jeebies. Unfortunately for most sufferers the symptoms may come and go intermittently, making diagnosis difficult.
With their new home-test and drug regimine, Pfizer can now provide effective treatment to hypochondria sufferers without the unpleasant inconvenience of seeing a licensed health professional just to be ignored.
Side effects include presyncopy, somnambulance, cerebellar ataxia, and the yawns. The treatment requires ingestion of a series of colored pills taken throughout the day and will cost around $3000 per month - a small price to pay for those who wish to live.