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Obama launches video game contest: 100 child winners to drone-kill real terrorists. (Satire, Mostly)

(Satire): President Obama announced at a White House press conference today that a national video game contest would produce 100 US child winners to become Air Force “guest pilots” to kill real terrorists with Hellfire missiles from MQ-9 Reaper drones. Press conference excerpts:

President Obama: At our last press conference, we celebrated America’s 30 millionth war kill since WW2, moving past Hitler’s Nazis to #3 on the all-time kill list by governments (press members applaud). We said we’d put Abdul Al-Awlaki’s picture on Hellfire missiles for a “special occasion,” and here it is: we’re awarding 100 young Americans a 2-week terrorist-killing spree, with their families, just outside Las Vegas at Creech Air Force Base to remotely fly Reaper drones on real combat missions (“Ooh, ahh!” from press).

The great news is that all American gamers are already entered to win! NSA partnership allows us to already know our gamers’ data, including who are the most effective killers. We’ll start notifying winners through texts, e-mail, and the special treat of through their games while they play! We’ll take winners as young as six-years-old. So kids: kill-away if you’d like to win, we’re already keeping score!

Q: What all do the winners get?


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