Elaborate Hoax: Yes, I Work For The Onion but Believe Me, It's Just A GigSubmitted by chris cudnoski on Fri, 07/12/2013 - 02:32
It's about time I make a confession: I work for the satirical 'humor' newspaper, The Onion.
I wanted to make this confession for three reasons: first, I've been posting so many Onion News, 'America's Finest News Source' (and I use that term lightly) videos lately that it has become obvious. Second, some very vocal voices here on the 'P' are calling me out, and I can tell they're not about to quit. But most importantly is my contract. It's coming due - and I could use a better gig.
Don't get me wrong - it's a great company and all. The coffee is always warm and deadlines are negotiable. The ceiling is high and the secretaries' shelves are, well, stacked. The only thing I don't like is the humor.
When I first heard the words A tomahawk of truth through the skull of lies I thought 'this is the kind of news organization I can get behind, and who I want behind me.' Better news, better viewers sounded like my kind of people.
But the day I found out last week, after 6 years of labor and love, right before my bonus options came due thank God, that The Onion is NOT a reliable source of commentary on current events, but instead is a SATIRICAL HUMOR PUBLISHING conglomerate CIA shell company, I realized that I had been bamboozled. The butt of someone else's crude joke.
So, if you know an opening for a true non-critically thinking jounalist/imbedded cultural anthropologist, starting at $42-five plus wheels and the usual bonus plan, let me know. I check for private messages at least once a week, video replies are even better.
And a kind word of warning: don't read The Onion. It is funny business at its finest.