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NSA: Ed Snowden Has Used Up All His Personal Days, Must Report Back To Work Friday (updated)

In a joint statement with State Department, contractor Booz Allen Hamilton, and the Hague, NSA spokesperson Gordy Skamper announced today that Edward Snowden has used up all of his personal and paid vacation days and needs to report back to work on friday.

"We realize that it is inconvenient to come in on a friday, especially after nearly 9 weeks off of work" reads the official statement, "but we need you back at the office for that big project coming due."

NSA officials also requested those media present to pass the word to Snowden if they've seen him that no one has touched his desk, casual friday is still shorts or jeans and a crew shirt, and there is a big ice cream cake in the break room.

(update)

As of 4:30 pm, friday July 19, NSA contractor Edward Snowden is officially a 'no-call, no-show'. A written verbal warning has been entered in his personnel file.

Failure to show up on monday will result in a final written verbal warning, a 3-day unpaid suspension, and loss of Hawaiian-shirt friday privileges for two weeks.




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Snowden used up all his Booz days?

So that's why he flew to Russia.

“With laws shall our land be built up, but with lawlessness laid waste.”
-Njal Thorgeirsson

that was good, thanks for the laugh

The "verbal written warning" is a page from my own story, they really said that to me at my job one time! LOL we ( coworkers and I) were ROFL.

Cyril's picture

Thanks for the smile, Chris. :)

Thanks for the smile, Chris. :)

Good one, silly you. :)

"Cyril" pronounced "see real". I code stuff.

http://Laissez-Faire.Me/Liberty

"To study and not think is a waste. To think and not study is dangerous." -- Confucius

Thanks for surviving a silly shiv to your back to end your life.

and it ain't no joke and it aint't always silly and sure I be playin' sometimes but shit...

Pandas: The Silent Killer?
next 'Nightline'

In other words you're some of the best things going.

and we love you and we need you around here and all that and more.

Pandas: The Silent Killer?
next 'Nightline'

Don't Worry Snowden

the union will get you your job back plus any pay you might have missed

brilliant!

OMG! You mean it's true! You've got this friend whose friend told him last week, who then told you, and you sat on it a few days to figure out how to best word the post to us. Oh. :D

suggested edit: some reference to booz allen might be...

Oh, brother - if it weren't for booz...

this little piece wouldn't exist...

Ok - there it is. That is better.

Pandas: The Silent Killer?
next 'Nightline'

At least when he returns to check his inbox,

He won't have to handle any un-opened emails.

Fascists

Who makes someone get by on just 9 weeks of personal time? lol

Apparently he was saving it up over the years...

thought he could get by without taking a little time off each year, just blow off some steam on the air hockey table or the Joust arcade machine.

If he doesn't leave a message for H.R. by monday morning he will likely get a written verbal warning that WILL remain in his personnel file at Booz-Allen for the duration of his employment...

Pandas: The Silent Killer?
next 'Nightline'

Nice try! :D

Nice try! :D

I can appreciate this

Slacker

For Freedom!
The World is my country, all mankind is my brethren, to do good is my religion.

Cake you say?

The US gov is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake.

Remember when the plane couldn't fly it's intended rout and we said "Goodbye" and you were like
[in a deep male voice] "No way!"
[normal voice] And then we were all "We pretended we were going to capture you?" That was great!

(oh god I've been playing too much portal)

THE CAKE IS A LIE!!

#portal

One world, under government, with power and money for the elite

Make your own Portal cake...


http://youtu.be/Z-oF4Znv-bM

Pandas: The Silent Killer?
next 'Nightline'

not available to go to work on Friday.

Friday's are his days off due to sequester. Oh, and he was fired from the NSA anyway. LOL

Will 7/26 be a furlough day?

Besides, how do we know he hasn't been emailing in his timesheets as a final up-your-nose to Booz, see how long before they "fix the glitch"? I would have. ;-)

Hilarious original post!!!!!!!! 10++

Take back the GOP and Restore America Now.

Found a way to fix the glitch...


http://youtu.be/Z7dROcm_SbY

Pandas: The Silent Killer?
next 'Nightline'

FMLA

He needs to get a Doctor's Note so he can qualify for FMLA. That will at least buy him another 3 weeks.

"When I say liberty I do not simply mean what is referred to as 'free enterprise.' I mean liberty of the individual to think his own thoughts and live his own life as he desires to think and to live..." - Robert A. Taft

LOL

nice

I am Ron Paul

Oh no, he should have talked

Oh no, he should have talked to his HR before he leaked all those files =D

What are they gonna do, fire him?

Better than a drone strike, as is likely in the case of Michael Hastings.

Ice Cream Cake is good

But he will only come in if there are doughnuts...