-4 votes

Obama moves to outlaw or at least register all car door locks.

In a move which caught most members of the press corps by surprise, President Obama called upon Congress to immediately address the issue of thugs being constantly embarrassed by the humiliating habit of individuals locking their car doors while being scoped out .
“It’s past time for this nation to become more accessible to individuals such as the type I could have been thirty five years ago” the President lamented. He continued on, “ I’m confident that the Justice Department as well as the Highway Safety Transportation Board can remedy this foul injustice and bring back the self esteem which has been so callously taken from individuals such as Travon Martin. Realistically speaking, just what good is a lock on your door going to do when an innocent victim of your unfeeling actions takes out a fire arm, which I might add is readily available through our esteemed Attorney Generals untiring efforts, and blast you away”.
“We know who you are and where you are and if you attempt to call on an outside party to assist you in your despicable actions of trying to feel secure, ….well just let me say that we will know and there are measures we can take to make you feel much less secure in your little fortress of solitude”.
In another related matter, the President announced that as soon as vendors can be placed under contract all Federal law enforcement employees will be issued new uniforms consisting of hoodies and trousers that hang 8 inches below the belt line. “ We must homogenize our governments subjects with our employees in such a way as to legitimize the culture which has been so unfairly stigmatized” the President stated in his closing remark .
Update…
In a rare public disagreement with President Obama, the right Reverend Al Sharpton released this statement, “ The time for half measures is past. We must address these injustices head on if we are to achieve our ultimate goal, the mere outlawing of car door locks will do nothing but make these “Crackers” ,yes I said Crackers, I’m entitled, to do nothing but hastily retreat when one of our brethren is placed in the humiliating position of being profiled as a thug. I am calling upon the NSA to immediately demobilize anyone’s vehicle who has the audacity to believe they might be in danger and to allow the victim of this heinous action to immediately relieve the individual of the tool with which they utilized to so egregiously wound the psyche of the innocent individual.