Why I am the only Libertarian on the PlanetSubmitted by phantasm on Tue, 07/23/2013 - 15:55
Read first - For you blockheads, I'm not serious here.
Let me tell you why you are an idiot and why your opinion doesn't matter. I am the only Libertarian on the planet, and you all are not. I have a massive head, (but no ego, I'm actually the most humble person here as well), and lots of brain matter squishing around inside there. What I've found is that I'm always right, on every subject, every time.
Because of my superior intellect, I figured that I would let everyone in on how they can be a Libertarian.
1 – Libertarian's are not birthers. The consensus is in, and all raceologists agree that Sheriff Arpio is a racist. Therefore, his investigation is racist.
2 – You can't be a Republican, because republicans like the color red, red is the color of blood, and that is blasphemy.
3 – You can't make any charitable contributions, because all experts agree that Libertarian's want people to starve to death in the freezing cold. Do you really want to be a Liberal who wants people to starve to death when it is hot outside?
4 – You can't be anti-war because people are stupid and we need to force them at gunpoint to be Libertarian.
5 – If you've ever brushed your teeth as a child, you cannot be Libertarian because you have brain damage.
6 – You must be pro-choice because pro is better than amateur, and “choice” means you are getting a good steak. It's better than prime, just ask the USDA.
7 – You can't be a sovereign citizen, because I know this fake lawyer guy that thinks you are all stupid.
8 – You can't be a truther because thuthers listen to enginetechs and archaneirs. Archaniers only know about building a McDonalds, and enginetechs are always overcharging me when I add sugar additive to my gas tank.
If you don't see things exactly like I do, your brain probably has too much tetra-cannabagoo inside, which I've learned from Ted Nugget and he is like a super genius patriot that goes out on drug raids with cops because he loves the constitution and the 4th amendment. Eat nothing but white bread, stop smoking shag carpet weed, and stop brushing your teeth, and I guarantee you will see it my way once your brains go back to normal.