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Lindsey Graham: The Poster Boy for Democracy Strikes Again

Lindsey Groham has reached a new low. Appearing drunk on CNN's Wolf Blitzer show, Groham made the statement that "a TON" of evidence proves that Edward Snowden's document leaks have caused the deaths of multiple Americans, and that Snowden has blood on his hands. When asked if he could provide any details, Groham responded with characteristic coolness and disdain, 'No.'

It is unknown if anyone watches CNN, but the Senator's brazen, nonchalant dabbling in groundless libel against international folk hero Edward Snowden, in a state of complete inebriation on national television, and his casual refusal to provide any corroborating evidence for his claims, shows how little respect he has for the voting public, the democratic system, and the wonderful Wolf Blitzer. In this, we can all agree with him.

No one knows how Groham became a Senator from his humble beginnings as a public defender in Arkansas. His meteoric rise to become America's favorite "bad boy Senator" is a perfect little story for our times.

Shortly after graduating South Carolina's elite preparatory academy for boys, Slappaniqqa, where the scions of the south's elite families and younger sons go to sow their wild oats, Groham dropped off the radar. He emerged later in Arkansas, where he had a failed run as a defense attorney, before settling in as a public defender for a number of years. The now infamous video below captures an episode from this brief stint in his colorful career.

After overcoming his stuttering affliction by turning to college pal Jim Beam for counseling, he is known to have risen fast in the ranks of South Carolina's elite political circles by being willing to "say or do anything" for money. Known as a connoisseur of young "boy flesh," his appetites were sated by local power brokers as they groomed him for political stardom. The "slacker cracker," as he was then known, found a new zest for work in the burgeoning field of lying to the public for money.

Friends of Groham from this time report that the power and prestige of his new environment quickly went to his head, and the public spotlight caused him to become convinced of his own omnipotence and near immortality, and he often waxed philosophically about the "sheep" and "worms" that comprised humanity.

Drunk on his own power, and often just drunk, he was known to travel about with a coterie of midget retainers in a flowing Roman style robe when at home and off camera, and to pontificate in vainglorious tones about the pitiful smallness of men's souls, their cringing weakness before power, and the absurdity of political freedom.

His more pragmatic handlers have at times had to restrain his over exuberant indulgence in public pronouncements bordering on the sadistic, and tyrannical musings about locking up "the animals" en masse and "getting the cattle cars moving again" and "liquidiating this human scum."

Twice he has been sent to rehabilitation camp with veteran lunatic John "nuke them all" McClaim, who, since being diagnosed with PTSD, has suffered from periodic outbursts of a desire to "put them all in cages" and "engulf the world in a storm of cleansing Napalm fire."

Considered a rock star in his home state and much of America, bad boy Lindsay Groham has been constantly in and out of the news for his wild antics and legal troubles, and seems to savor the attention.

Based on Groham's leaked psychiatric file (obtained from a source inside the aforementioned "camp" for politicians in the elite stable who get too "rambunctious"), we have been able to reconstruct an image of his inner world, and how he came to his present state of cynical disdain for all human values.

As a Senator in the early 21st century, Groham is in that awkward position of having immense public stature and very little actual power. An astute observer of the human psyche, a veteran campaigner for the vote of the average South Carolnian, Groham has acquired a complete disgust for both humanity and himself, as a mere prostitute for power in a debased scramble for their wretched votes.

Owing to his addiction to personal fame and his aforementioned vices, Groham has become reconciled to his position as an utterly amoral liar and actor, and servant to powers beyond his own will or moral agency. Only by openly embracing evil has he been able to maintain his mental and spiritual equilibrium.

It is perhaps this contradiction in the striving for and appearance of power, and its total absence, that impels Groham to unleash his pent up desire to feel "real power" on those, like Snowden, who despite their less public stature and more modest fame, have engaged in real acts of personal bravery, power, moral agency, and who have taken real risk in their lives and been more than just actors and servants of others.

This, at least according to our experts, is the most likely case.

We all thank Groham for providing a rare insight into one of the darker corners of human nature.

Shock: Groham chokes as a public defender early in his career

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A very colorful and well written characterization

as one might imagine from a Tennessee Williams play.
The drunkenness, debauchery and darkness of Groham’s persona evokes an earthy presence right from the written depictions of Williams’ tortured characters. Here is a real life person in Groham who takes us closer to life’s miseries helping us understand the bridge from normalcy to insanity.

As you stated, “We all thank Groham for providing a rare insight into one of the darker corners of human nature.”

I think if TW were alive, he would commend you for this revelation. Williams is one of my favorite playwrights so the theme, content and style of your post provided a very enjoyable read.

absolutely eloquent:

'It is perhaps this contradiction in the striving for and appearance of power, and its total absence, that impels Groham to unleash his pent up desire to feel "real power" on those, like Snowden, who despite their less public stature and more modest fame, have engaged in real acts of personal bravery, power, moral agency, and who have taken real risk in their lives and been more than just actors and servants of others.'

'Peace is a powerful message.' Ron Paul

thanks man. i saved the

thanks man. i saved the serious stuff for the end lol.

DAMMIT MAN!

DAMMIT MAN!

Tell us what you really think

Tell us what you really think of Ms Lindsey.

Phxarcher87's picture

Great

cleverness !!! bump

"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect" - Mark Twain

Thanks :D. Mr. Graham

Thanks :D. Mr. Graham inspired me.

:))

Bump.

You're lucky I didn't downvote it.

trueueue

trueueue

bumpity bump

bumpity bump

“It is not our part to master all the tides of the world, but to do what is in us for the succour of those years wherein we are set, uprooting the evil in the fields that we know, so that those who live after may have clean earth to till." -J.R.R. Tolkien

i know right

i know right