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I have the ultimate solution...

FIRST: Tell your fiance' but tell her from the perspective that you are highly suspicious that it's you're child (because you are). Say "Honey, you're not going to BELIEVE what happened...(tell the story)...then finish with "I think this chick is REALLY crazy and there's no way it's my kid but I need to put this thing to rest so I'm getting a DNA test." You need to act cool the ENTIRE time you're telling your fiance' so she doesn't get worried. She's only going to be worried if YOU SEEM WORRIED, so no matter how worried you are, play it cool. There's NO REASON to be worried right now anyway.

SECOND: Get the test done ASAP. If it's negative (which it probably will be given the fact you're the third guy getting the test) play cool, act like it was no big deal and shrug it off. Your finance' will respect it if you man up and are honest with her.

THIRD: LET ALL OF US at the DP know the results as SOON as the test comes back.

Best of luck Bro.

are you insane? Get the test

are you insane? Get the test done? Getting the test done will secure this man into financially being responsible for the next 15 years, and in turn will make his future wife less financially secure. Only an idiot would take a paternity test.

Look at the child if you are so concerned. If you see yourself in her, then you probably are. At that point tell your wife the events, but never take a test to confirm it.

At that point if she is accepting of it, and the birth mother is fine with it, then form a distant relationship with the child.

Thats the plan man!


And don't forget step 3!


No problem

Grammar correction *your child* I hate bad grammar.

God only knows

If you are Catholic you should have gone through marriage preparation classes with your Priest. I would tell your bride the facts the best you can explain. Before marriage. Take the test .Pray and ask for insight and do what's right in your heart . If the child is yours.
Only the Lord can forgive and forget your past present and future. Others sometimes have problems and cannot forgive and forget. A marriage is like a tree . You feed and water it.You hold up one side when the wind blows from the opposite direction. Your spouse does the same when the wind blows at your side . If not the tree of love and marriage could snap. I know my ex spouse only wanted me to hold on to the whole tree. It snapped and fell. Just one mans view. Good luck and may peace be with you.

Money talks and dogs bark

thank you

the classes are completed. the wedding is two weeks away. I just found out about this 4 days ago. I dont know for sure and have to wait until after wedding date to take test as per lawyer. The lawyer and the PI found out a few things that make it seem it probably is not mine.but its either 0 or 1. yes or no. My marriage will get thru this whatever the result is. i just didnt want to spoil her good feelings before the happiest day of her life. It is what it is and I have to tell her about the possibility.

BMWJIM's picture

You are living a repeat of my life.

Told my fiancé up front. Been married for 16 years now. Trust is everything.


1976-1982 USMC, Having my hands in the soil keeps me from soiling my hands on useless politicians.

did you know for sure?

what did you tell her upfront?

fireant's picture

I'm with the others. Tell her now and you will know for sure if

she's the right gal for you.

Undo what Wilson did

i want the test now but the lawyer says her contact info is

wrong and we have to wait until court. I already decided what to do. when I see my fiancee face to face I will tell her the truth. Before the wedding. Basically I had a one night stand right before I met her and the woman is looking for the dad. I am named and I don't know yet what the outcome is. I don't think it is mine and the lawyers are working on it. I want to start a family with my fiancee. I wont let this interfere and will pay what I have to.

you don't have to wait until court.

this lawyer already gave you bad advice, perhaps he wants to make money off your divorce. The PI you hired will have her contact info, no? ASAP Put this to bed if it is negative and deal with it if it is positive.

"5. Paternity testing takes too long and I need immediate results

Many paternity DNA test labs have same day options for an additional cost. However, most Accredited DNA test laboratories can produce paternity test results within 3-5 business days. Over-the-counter and mail-in DNA test kits can take up to a couple weeks for an answer and the results are not admissible in a Court of Law."

Well Done

Awesome. Your marriage will thank you for this. Keep us posted, and let us know how it all turns out.

I will

I really hope it doesn't put a cloud over the wedding because she is so happy and excited but i cant look her in the eye while this is happening

Not telling her is more likely to break your marriage

I'm glad so many people are offering the same good advice. I hope you'll heed the majority of comments here and tell your fiancee immediately. If she doesn't know that you were promiscuous before meeting her, that is way too big a thing to be hiding from her. Regardless of whether she knows, it is her right and essential that she knows that there is a risk of a child entering into your relationship before you planned. She must make the decision to marry you from a well-informed perspective. Don't withhold this from her.

I Don't Mean To Be Rude Or Unkind But Why Are You Asking Us?

Learn to be a man and do what is right in your heart.

We can't tell you what to do, that is your job young man.

You better learn how to be a man now or later on your wife will realize she married a man who can't make a decision on his own.

What a real man does is make decisions for himself. I mean, what kind of man needs advice from others.

What you need is a kick in the ass.

You need to depend on your good judgement. Go inside yourself and think it through. Never, get into the habit of asking people questions you should know for yourself.

After your married, you can consult with your wife about matters, but you should make all the important decisions..

Aside from that, I hope you do the right thing and I hope and pray you and your wife will be good examples for your children.

Be a good example to your family and if your wife is half-way decent she will love and respect you for being the man of her dreams..

Always be honest about everything no matter what happens.



ConstitutionHugger's picture

How is one supposed to have good judgment

without a wealth of knowledge learned from others? Of course he's going to do what he, and only he, decides is right. Besides, it's an interesting story.

Men can learn a lot from

Men can learn a lot from other men. There have been many who have saved their life from ruin by seeking the help and advice of others. The perspectives we gain from our one little life are not enough to answer every question we face with the most wisdom. We need others' experiences and thoughts as well if we hope to be the best that we can.

Why wait for the court. Get the test now.

Then you'll have answers.

Free includes debt-free!

hey kidbquick

I guess you were too quick. Too quick to pick up a chick. Drinking and driving? Or just drinking when you "do the deed". And now headed off to wedded bliss? Mail order?

Good, your mom has your back. And dad? Did you have the "back" of the young lady? She was good enough for "the deed" & now she is a pos? What does that make you?

Running to church and does your church promote promiscuity? And now you are going to meet RP? Maybe some responsibly will rub off.

And your liar, I mean lawyer wants you to skip town and keep the lie going? Sounds about right for a lawyer. You will be safe in Korea where you can spread more semen around and raise a decent family.

The good news is that my daughters weren't involved. You would have more than your dna after you.

It is no wonder Americans are hated the world round.

Man up punk.


dude I had a one night stand 3 years ago

I am just hearing about it now. Other guys are involved and I am unsure it is even mine. we all make mistakes and I will own up to my responsibility. There was no family planning, not even a date or a meal. just a ride home and I was weak and fell for it like some men do. Am I perfect ? no. Thanks for the rhymes

you are still weak

Quit bringing "some men do" into it.

You are weak and that is why you are here writing half truths and looking to others to get you out of it.

Man up.


Be honest

Don't start your marriage off based on a lie. It is creating a bond of trust among other things. It won't be easy and she may react negatively but no matter the outcome it's better to be up front than to bury secrets. A secrecy sets up your marriage to fail.

That's called being man.

And I respect you for that.....


For Freedom!
The World is my country, all mankind is my brethren, to do good is my religion.

Tell Your fiancee

She will find out eventually, so might as well be from you

Also women continuously set 'truth traps' on their men - they can sniff out a lie a mile away


Do The Right Thing

The child is probably not yours, but if it is then do the manly thing and be a father. By the way, where is Ron going to be on the 17th and what time? I live in NY.


Barnes and noble Roosevelt field. I'm still in shock this just came out of the blue. I wish this happened in a timely manner before I got engaged last year at least. the PI I hired says the guy she was living with the past two years skipped the state . she applied for welfare and named me as a possible dad

what I would do

Decide what you want you want to do. It is possible that you have a child. It is possible that you are a parent. You need to find out, and in the meantime you need to decide what you want to do about it.

If the child is not yours.. your life should proceed as planned.

If it is your child, you need to decide if you are going to be a parent or a provider. You may find that your fiance will be happy to raise your child with you.. If it is your child, I suggest you man up and fight for it.

The fact you are engaged means it's time for you to be treating your betrothed as your wife.. this effects both of you equally.

bare the golden rule in mind.

"I just don't want to ruin

"I just don't want to ruin the wedding for her."

...for her or for you? Would you avoid ruining the wedding only to ruin the marriage?

You want to start your marriage with deception? Trust me, the deception will be worse for your marriage than the 'issue' ever would be. She will never be able to trust you. My advice is to TELL HER, and now.

"also I can tell her after the wedding and say the papers came while I was traveling."

Please. You are planning a huge deception and cover-up lie to your bride... You have a way bigger problem than a paternity test.

The priest is telling me to shut up until I know for sure

and I wont know until after the ceremony. should I say ," Dear a one night stand from 3 years ago just said I might be the dad?" 2 weeks before the wedding? Might it be better if as soon as I get back and take the test, " Dear as soon as I came back I had to answer this paternity test and it seems i am the dad from a one night stand from 3 years ago"

a priest is a human being and

subject to error just like the rest of us. If what you say is true - not suggesting it isn't... he is giving you advice that could give her grounds (in addition to good reason) for annulment. Deceit is not better.

IMO The only acceptable option past TELL HER RIGHT NOW, might be to meet the woman and her child at a DNA lab *immediately* if not sooner and pay extra to expedite the test if necessary. If positive - you must tell your fiance and be prepared at least for a postponement while things get sorted out. If negative - you could decide then whether or not to tell her.

I've already read that you've decided to tell her and I am glad for that. Best of luck to you all.